Is expecting honesty from teenagers a tall order?

Hi viji:
Totally loved and agree with the khalil gibran poem.
As kids, we were given the freedom and the responsibility that goes with it. I never cease to be amazed at the trust and faith my mother had in how I would manage my life in a hostel so far away from her. She had some ground rules and said I would do fine if I followed them to the T. And I can see that I turned out fine ;-).

When it was my turn to send my girl to college in a different country, I followed mom's philosophy too. But I am more scared of the possibilities of how much can go wrong today than in my youth. My DH believes trust and faith is everything. Our girls know we will give them a fair hearing, so they can be trusted any day to be totally honest. It is possible they may suppress the truth for awhile ;-), but they never lie.

We believe in letting them learn from their mistakes, that life is not just easy and simple, that it can be hard. They know they have our unconditional support if they need help, but they have to ask.

We respect their need for privacy! so we dont peek into their mobile call or sms history, and I dont have a profile on facebook! They may not share everything that goes on in their lives, but we are aware of everything of importance, sooner or later . In this respect, patience is the key, I learn to wait.

 

Ya you shuld be supportive and not be micro managing them always...

 

Hi Happy!
In my opinion every relationship needs space. Any encrochment leads to disagreement. We can guide our children it is our duty. the upbringing should be such that they take your words, they listen to you,and they respect you.
Manjula

 

hi depressed,. it was a nice quote from Khalil Gibran. i have read that poem and i agree 100% as a daughter. but as a mom, even though i appreciate the concept that children have their own will and individuality, isnt it the parents who should guide them and direct them in the right path. now the question arises as to which is the right path. this is where the discrepancies arise. somethings are right under the eyes of parents, some things are not.

universal issues are fine. like for example drugs are bad for a person is universally accepted and if parents guide their children away from drugs, that is appreciable. but what about other issues, like chating with friends for longer hours, or having boys as friends, or tatoing. what exactly are right and wrong in these issues? there is no universal rule book on these issues. as a mom of a 2 year old, i am still confused on what i would do as a mom of a teenager. i am actually a bit scared of that thought. but whatever my parents did, they did with pure love and the care that no calamity should befall me. if children begin to appreciate this thought about their parents i think the walls would reduce between parents and their children

 

hi depressed,. it was a nice quote from Khalil Gibran. i have read that poem and i agree 100% as a daughter. but as a mom, even though i appreciate the concept that children have their own will and individuality, isnt it the parents who should guide them and direct them in the right path. now the question arises as to which is the right path. this is where the discrepancies arise. somethings are right under the eyes of parents, some things are not.

universal issues are fine. like for example drugs are bad for a person is universally accepted and if parents guide their children away from drugs, that is appreciable. but what about other issues, like chating with friends for longer hours, or having boys as friends, or tatoing. what exactly are right and wrong in these issues? there is no universal rule book on these issues. as a mom of a 2 year old, i am still confused on what i would do as a mom of a teenager. i am actually a bit scared of that thought. but whatever my parents did, they did with pure love and the care that no calamity should befall me. if children begin to appreciate this thought about their parents i think the walls would reduce between parents and their children

 

viji,

I am late here. better late isn't it.

I read the episode in nxg. The problem comes only when the trust factor is shaky. at the same time children today tend to be secretive.

Let me tell you about an incident that happened recently nearby. I observe this.

there is this mother and daughter, the father works away and comes home in the weekend. the mother also works. the daughter is a 10 year old. everyday the daughter reaches home earlier than the mother and is playing, having friends inside her home and everything. around 5 minutes before the mother arrives, the child send everybody and locks the door as if nothing happend. the mother thinks the daughter is too good and obedient.

I pains me a lot to see a 10 year old child behaving in this way. the reason that the parent is strict. if the parent had told the child it is ok to play for sometime, but after i come home, you can play for 30min, do your homework and other things before i come..or some other understanding...

I would say, give the freedom/space, but let them be aware that you are there watching from a distance..

good one...