Is expecting honesty from teenagers a tall order?

Deaf woman · Jun 26, 2009

Finest Blog of June 2009 - Runner-Up!

[FONT=&quot]Last week I read a tongue in cheek article by a teen in The hindu NXG edition.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She laments how difficult it is for teens to be open with their parents about [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]outings ,friends .I found some teens are dead against their parents using the[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]children's mobiles or checking them.My mom was a disciplinarian ,yet i was[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]close to her and talked about everything in my teens ,of course I got some[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]admonishements from her too.But that never deterred me to be close to her[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]or rather discuss issues relating to my life. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Nowadays youth are so secretive about their life ,that left me question the role[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]parents play in their upbringing .Should we as parents let the children do what [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]they want and remain mute spectators or should we face the wrath of children[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]by asking to be a part of their life?We read so many stories about abusing parents [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]and how children should be protected from .But how do we draw the line when to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]interfere and when not to.I wonder if our parents too felt like this when we are growing up.[/FONT]

depressed · Jun 26, 2009

Dear Friend,
I do not know what to say. I am quoting Khalil Gibran. Hope you get a meaningful perspective after reading his poem:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."

Thanks,
HAPPY

Thanajmaan · Jun 26, 2009

kudoos to khalil gibran....he said it as it is...

unna · Jun 27, 2009

Dear HAPPY,
I have read that poem already. Sounds meaningful. But I cant live practically like that. I love my kid soo much and would definitely guide him from the lessons which I have learned. I cant and I wont leave him just like that. I cant see him going in a wrong path.

Deaf woman · Jun 27, 2009

Dear happy,
What a wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing it.It broadened my mind.
vijji

Deaf woman · Jun 27, 2009

Dear unna,
You echo my sentiments.But i think we should be supportive and not interfering parents when they enter teens .Thanks for the visit.
vijji

aparajithaa · Jul 2, 2009

nice share vijji *hugs*

A parent can know everything about their kid.But just they should see it and interfere only if it is turning wrong.cause few times they should make a mistake and learn it themselves.but when they go wrong and are helpless see you are always there to help your kid out..
and one big secret to all the parents "you expect love from them not respect" give them freedom let them grow their individuality..Knowing things about their bf/gf wont be bad.even i used to say my mom everything and even read out my love letters to her. dad is like tiger haha so never could share with him but the moment you start interfereing there the mess starts.. do interefer only when they let you and expect you.may be they will be wrong but they will correct it later. if they could not you are always there.every person will say everything to their friend. so be like a friend not like a parent..
and checking mobile is sick..why to check..the moment you start doubting your kid their ends the story..rather ask her whom they are speaking to and what they speak and all..
ask them they will say if they want to..but if you start checking call logs they will start deleting the call lists..so just ask them and make them feel like saying it by the ease you give them..

hope parents will give kids some enough privacy to grow their individuality too..cause no parents will stay along with them till the end of life..so let them grow too...

put yourself in their shoe and think..remember how you were when you were a teenager and you will never complain about your kid and your kid will never complain about you..you will be like friends and share each other and will be able to dicuss even about their night life and love life and career and everything...

little lengthy i know but parents will surely benefit if they read this..

manchitra · Jul 2, 2009

A wonderful poem indeed but as parents i feel it our duty to guide the youngsters as and when required and we also should respect them as individuals. congrats Viji a short but meaningful post

Deaf woman · Jul 2, 2009

Dear Appu,
Glad to see you here.First ,every parent love his/her children a lot and wants the best for them too.Its their concern for the kid's safety ,thats making them interfere in kid's life.In our time ,we never thought it as interference but as guidance.About parent checking the call lists , whats there to be so objectionable when you are open with your parent?Don't you do the same with your parent's mobile?do they object to it?A parent never consider her child to be an outsider but her extension,hence she wants to protect her child by involving herself in her child's activities.