Is arrange marriage loveless?

At least I have the same experience but after 10 years of marrige I didn't keep those same expectations yet.
If you are working then you could get busy in your work life.
If not,then you have to shift your focus on your other intersts and develop hobbyes and do some volunteer work.Finally you have to figure it out what makes you happy.Never neglect yourself.Join some gym and groom yourself and take care of yourself.That will make you immerse happy.Just give a try and you feel lore more difference.When things are not working then you better look for alternatives.There is always an alternative.
So please change the way you look at things and start thinking differently and focus your attention on different things.That will make you very happy.
Whatever it is the marriage and the person you married never could you 100% happiness.Everyone should find there own happiness.Happiness always lies inside of you.It's just your thoughts makes you feel happy or unhappy.Once you change the thought process and things might look totally different.

 

Hi Maya,

I've been married for 11+ years. Love marriage. Knew him for about two years before we got married. My DH used to be like that; now there are minute differences. I suspect after his upbringing where he hasn't been taught to express affection, he hasn't been able to change. From my experience fighting or accusing him of not showing emotions doesn't help.

What helped was me being strong. Taking care of myself, looking good by myself, having a bunch of my own friends to hang out with etc. That gave me a lot of self confidence. Also being in a good mood, I was able to take what DH threw my way. I planned trips for us or for myself alone too, several times. I think that independence intrigued him. I used humour to convey my point.

I would give him very specific instructions about showing love. Like, "Could you please come and stand in the kitchen with me when I cook?" or "Look! That couple is holding hands. Let's hold hands too." or just go to him with a mock sulk and say "I need a biiiig hug please" or even "I don't care if it is true, just look into my eyes and say 'I love you'" or When i ask him how I looked, if he said that I looked anything less than gorgeous I'd say "Beeeeep! Wrong answer." If he says "Bring me water" I'd ask him to say it nicely with a dear or darling added in the end.

It was really strange in the beginning. I think he even got annoyed sometimes but just by being playful, I broke the tension that had built up between us. He used to laugh at me but he'd give me what I needed. Now he'd when I ask him a question, he'd even joke whether I wanted the right answer or the truth. I won't say he has become romantic but then, we laugh a lot more together about his reticence.

Even this Val day I told him to bring me a gift. He got annoyed as his work was super hectic during that period. So, I gave him specific instructions to go into a particular shop on the way and buy me specific kind of flowers. He started laughing and asked what the point was. And laughing I told him "I am patiently hoping you will learn that I like being pampered now and again"

I suppose lessons from my life are take care of yourself. Don't take offence from his behaviour. Use humour to bring him around...

Love,
G

 

You have to feel happy because he is concerned about you. Taking leave is depends on work and situation.

All are saying that men doesn't know how to express love I agree with this but it is possible also that we can make them as to express their love.

We have to pour and express so much love on them then only they can also.

 

Love is a myth..

 

As Chitii, guesshoo, priya16 and many other mentioned makes me think og my god most of them are like this i am not alone ..

i keep reminding my DH to be little romantic..

But he always busy with work, TV or our Kid.. but He cant decide without consulting or discussing with me, he takes me out, helps to select dress, we discuss about our work and other family things without getting annoyed on each other... But i used to feel all this a friend can also do, as on romantic side it is nil... It took time but I found out that he loves me more but expressing is the problem.. Looks like most men have this problem... We have to shift our worries else where and keep going without thinking that they aren't expressive... that's a fundamental problem with few...

 

You have great attitute. Like that a LOT. I remember from another thread, you also have great people around to mould and shape your thinking. You are lucky

 

Dear Maya,

I can understand ur pain.. Sorry for that.. :-(

But 9 out of 10 men are weak in expressing their love.. They just seem like they don't care.. Can u accept the fact that men don't express their grief by crying wereas women do ? Likewise men don't express their love like women do.. This happens in most of the houses..

Even though the some men are very good at expressing their love at beginning stages of married life, they tend to reduce it after 3 or 4 yrs.. In ur case its already 7 yrs since ur marriage.. Can u think the reverse is possible now ? I am not discouraging u dear.. But believe me he would really love u at heart.. he may not be interested in expressing it, but definitely he will miss u wen u are not with him.. Dat proves..

 

I just want to add my two cents:

Love is not a myth and all marriages dont become loveless at some point- I am talking from the example of 35 years of my parents (arranged) marriage and my own. Its also not true that men dont like to express their feelings. Men do just as much as women does its just that may be in a different way than women, in some cases. If both partners dont work towards keeping marriage fresh, then yes it does become like living with a roomate.

So many women complain about their H not being expressive enough. Some members suggested ways to get your husband to reciprocate and they were great ideas.

In my opinion, many men are not expressive because of social conditioning or the way they were raised without much verbal or physical expressions of affection so when a wife comes along and start being demontrative, they dont feel comfortable. I think more parents should be (and are these days) expressive with their children not just when they are babies but also as they grow up (as much as they will let us). These kids will in turn will feel quite normal about it and some future DIL's will thank their husband's parents for raising loving, expressive and demostrative men