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Is Anyone Going Through Depression?

Discussion in 'Health Issues' started by ShabnamF, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    I am writing this because I'm fed up with the way my friends react to my depression. I know it is not their fault completely because they don't know much about Clinical depression. But still it irritates me a lot when someone says "Come on, you have so much when compared to others, stop feeling sad". I am tired of trying to explain that it is not in my head. I am tired of trying to explain that I'm not sad because of what happened in my past. Here is how I feel-

    - I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into darkness and no one can see me. They can only see my smiling and cheerful face.
    - I am smiling and pretending that I am loving your company and the conversation, actually I would really have loved your company and the conversation only if in my head I would not havd been screaming out loud.
    - I have mood swings, one moment I am laughing and enjoying and the next I just want desperately to go and curl up in a corner and cry.
    - I have good days, I have okay days, I have bad days and I have worst days. And sometimes I have all these in one single day.
    - I am extremely tired of the mask I am wearing around everyone. And when I try to take off the mask around someone I hope will understand, they just freak out and I immediately put back my mask on.
    - I am tired, always tired. I hate to get out of my bed. I lie in my bed till the last moment I can afford to without getting late for office.
    - When I am at home, you can only find me in 2 places, in the kitchen looking for food or on my bed.
    - I am scared and anxious, I have very low confidence. I try to look strong, look like I know everything. But inside I just cannot concentrate on anything. I have trouble recalling things. I have trouble remembering what I did 30 seconds ago.
    - No, I am not sad because of what happened in the past or what is happening now. I just feel like somone stuck a red hot iton into my chest and it hurts. It hurts really bad.
    - I am tired of holding myself together. I just need a break, just need someone to hold me for sometime so I can take a few breaths and then go back to holding myself together again.
    - I can't see a future for myself. I can only see darkness. It is pitch dark.

    I can go on and on but what I want to ask is, is there someone out there who can relate to me? If you cannot and if you are trying to help someone who is dealing with depression, please stop telling them to stop feeling how they feel. It's just like asking a migraine patient to stop feeling that their head is hurting.

    P.S: I am diagnosed with Clinical depression and have been on medication since 4-5 months now.
     
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  2. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    What is your medication ? Has it been helpful after taking it ?
     
  3. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Please read this book "Feeling good" by David burns.
    Please introspect your feelings and ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are? When you read this book you will realize some hallmark behaviors of depressed people. It also discusses about chemistry of brain and what neurotransmitters cause depression and how to defeat hopelessness.

    Feelings often follow thoughts, you are having illogical skewed thoughts that are making you hopeless. Challenge those thoughts.


    Depressed people
    1. Often look at the negative events in their life and over generalize. One bad event happens they think their life is filled with bad events
    2. They often dwell on negative incidents
    3. Somehow with skewed logic they convince themselves they are worthless. They magnify their mistakes and glorifies other's achievements
    4. Have a mental filter that takes in only negative incidents and disqualifies the positive incidents.
     
  4. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    @ShabnamF are you seeinng a counsellor in addition to taking anti depressants ? Anti depressants help lift the fog just a bit so we can see the road a bit more clearly and chart our path forward.

    Depending on the severity of your depression, medication alone may not be enough.

    Also i hope your doctor has prescribed the right dose. If you still feel miserable after 4 months then you need to tell your psychiatrist so that he/she can modify medication.

    Ideally your psychiatrist and psychologist would work in tandem as they each address different parts of the same problem.

    As for your friends, it is best to have low expectations of people in this aspect. And why cry over how they are reacting to you ? It is not anything that you can solve. Let them be with their opinions. Best that you dont talk abt it with too many ppl.
     
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  5. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    @Nonya

    Escitalopram 20 mg- Anti depressant
    Clonazepam 2mg- Anti Anxiety
    Lorazepam 2 mg- Sleep medication (Optional, only when I can't sleep?

    Yes, meds have helped a great deal. I am able to function since I have been taking them. My weeping episodes have come down a lot. My anxiety has come down too. I have lesser panic attacks now.
     
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  6. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Dear,

    I have been trying very hard to find a Psychologist. The ones I have been recommended are either too far or too costly for me. I am still trying to find someone. Sometimes I just give up, wish someone could do the searching part for me.
     
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  7. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    You must make the extra effort either with money or distance to see a counsellor regularly. You are working. Dont think too much abt the money now. Your entire post would have been material for discussion in a counsellors office and you would have an ally in your fight against depression.

    Do.Not.Delay.

    Edit
    @ShabnamF if you put off seeking professional help there could be a chance you will need stronger medicine or the meds will stop to have effect after sustained use. Do you know that some anti depressants can cause major dental damage ? I have had 3 root canals already. Sooner or later you are going to have to see a counsellor. See one soon so you can kick depression out of the way faster.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2017
  8. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for your inputs. Though I have been a book worm all my life, I simple can't get my self to read books these days. Even my most favorite ones. I am totally doubtful that I will read a self help book.
    Believe me, I am having no thoghts at all. I am too busy at work and keep myself very busy at home too. My mood swings just come out of the blue. I wish there was a better way I could explain. With what I am going through right now, I cannot afford to think about the negative incidents in my past.
     
  9. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry I could not be of much help. Tight hugs from me.. Hope you feel better and recover.
     
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  10. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much dear
     

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