I am writing this because I'm fed up with the way my friends react to my depression. I know it is not their fault completely because they don't know much about Clinical depression. But still it irritates me a lot when someone says "Come on, you have so much when compared to others, stop feeling sad". I am tired of trying to explain that it is not in my head. I am tired of trying to explain that I'm not sad because of what happened in my past. Here is how I feel- - I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into darkness and no one can see me. They can only see my smiling and cheerful face. - I am smiling and pretending that I am loving your company and the conversation, actually I would really have loved your company and the conversation only if in my head I would not havd been screaming out loud. - I have mood swings, one moment I am laughing and enjoying and the next I just want desperately to go and curl up in a corner and cry. - I have good days, I have okay days, I have bad days and I have worst days. And sometimes I have all these in one single day. - I am extremely tired of the mask I am wearing around everyone. And when I try to take off the mask around someone I hope will understand, they just freak out and I immediately put back my mask on. - I am tired, always tired. I hate to get out of my bed. I lie in my bed till the last moment I can afford to without getting late for office. - When I am at home, you can only find me in 2 places, in the kitchen looking for food or on my bed. - I am scared and anxious, I have very low confidence. I try to look strong, look like I know everything. But inside I just cannot concentrate on anything. I have trouble recalling things. I have trouble remembering what I did 30 seconds ago. - No, I am not sad because of what happened in the past or what is happening now. I just feel like somone stuck a red hot iton into my chest and it hurts. It hurts really bad. - I am tired of holding myself together. I just need a break, just need someone to hold me for sometime so I can take a few breaths and then go back to holding myself together again. - I can't see a future for myself. I can only see darkness. It is pitch dark. I can go on and on but what I want to ask is, is there someone out there who can relate to me? If you cannot and if you are trying to help someone who is dealing with depression, please stop telling them to stop feeling how they feel. It's just like asking a migraine patient to stop feeling that their head is hurting. P.S: I am diagnosed with Clinical depression and have been on medication since 4-5 months now.