irritatingly overconfident husband

Hi everyone,

I am 29 yrs, married for 7yrs with a 5yr old daughter. Me and my hus have very frequent fights, like we will be ok for 2 months and they we will have a fight and not talk for 2 to 3 months. This a really taking a toll on me. The main reason for fights are finances.
And this has been the reason since the last 7 yrs. I don't have mother-in -law problems since she passed away , also sister in laws mind their own business and don't bother that much. But when one;s problem is your own husband , what can I do.
We both are very different natured , I am the practical type where I like the bills to be paid on time and generally don't like any last minute jitters. He on the other hand is total opp. The problem is he never has money when it is needed. He is too much into charity. He gives priority to charity than any other expenses. So we end up fighting.



Even before 15 days I told him to book train tickets for my sis wedding.That month he had given me only 10 % of the monthly expenses that he normally gives and had told me I will give the remaining money later. In that miniscule amt he is telling me give me that money to book the tickets , I will return it tomorrow. The problem is his tomorrow never comes and so I got irritated and I told him " first of all you give me X amt and in that you are asking half the amt , how do you expect me to run the house". He is telling me you have to adjust and all rubbish.
He tells me I have stopped giving charity but I don't trust him .

I am saying this because he has lied in the past.
So now we both have stopped talking to each other and also I have stopped asking him for any money or anything regarding payments of bill.
But how long will this continue. He will never come for truce and of the 1000 times that we have fought , I am the only person who has to say sorry even if it is not my fault.
No amount of talking has done any good, even kindly or otherwise. Also counselling has not helped because he thinks whatever he has done is correct.
Otherwise he is a very good person and father , no vices .. nothing. But his overconfidence in himself bugs me and also he has no financial sense.
Wastes money a lot where it could have been saved, and even if I tell him kindly do like this he will say yes and do the exact opp behind my back.
I don't know what to do.
What should my approach be towards him. pls advice.

 

Thanks for all your responses
@found love : thankfully he has no gambling issues . His main problem is if someone asks him for money for reasons varying from ill health to daughter's marriage , he cannot say "no". I am scared that people don't take advantage of him. I do have money with me , since he gives me an "X" amount of money extra every month. But if I use the money to pay bills , he will become more carefree and will be free of that responsibilty. I want him to pay all bills , so that he has atleast completed household duties before charity. I want him to pay me an X amount of money every month.Also he is a businessman , so no fixed amount of money every month.



@ sree sri : It is true , we go without talking for 2 months or more . I don't feel like talking to him because of his behaviour. and if I don't talk he also never takes the lead , so invariably we end up not talking for months.
Strange relationship na!!!!:bonk



@priya 16: Our financial status is okay. WE do have assets. But I don't want to encourage his charity habit. His father was also like that, and he was responsible for other people's prosperity , but in the end his son suffered. I don't want the same fate for my DD>. He is never comfortable discussing finance with me. Also he is very haphazard and laid back in his financial dealings , so I tell him and he doesn't like it. So it is difficult to have a discussion with him regarding this. for ex , if someone owes him money he will not go and collect money from them, so I tell him if you cannot go and collect money why give it in the first place. He will say yes ayes and forget about it . you can say OLD HABITS DIE HARD. is the perfect saying to explain this kind of behaviour

 

Thanks Sabitha for your reply,

Actually his charity habit can be genetic(If somthing like this is possible) , because his father was also involved in charitable causes but he was very rich and could afford to do so.
Actually his problem also is that he does not know to handle money well, haphazard judgements, thinking too much from the heart. No amount of talking with him can do any good. Giving too much credit to his clients...You have to ue your brains to survive in this competitive world. IF he is going to do business like this , it would be difficult for him to survive. I am trying to drill this thought into his brain.,, but ALAS...

 

Just my exact thoughts Shilpa ma. But this question always pops up in your mind ....Why me?????