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Irritating Friend.

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by paru123, Dec 25, 2021.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @paru123,

    Next time when she approaches you with a question why you didn't attend a particular event, you reply, "I am not sure how you find time to attend so many events. I am amazed". Follow this with a question, "Anything important we need to talk about?" a subtle way of communicating that you have no time for gossip. All of that should be said with a smile on your face so that she doesn't feel it is a hostile attitude.
     
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  2. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel you should ignore her completely. If you see her in any parties or pooja just ignore and stay away. Make her feel that u don’t like her friendship! She herself will feel for it and will realize!
     
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  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    The problem is all the flats are in so close proximity that if one sneezes then other person can find it out. So even without asking or telling we can interpret many things. And she is the type of person who can even talk to a flying crow. She has the magnetic power to talk to anyone but doesnt have the commonsense to understand that others get hurt by her unwanted questions.
     
  4. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes that's what I am doing now. She is a good gossiper and because of her good network I fear what all silly things she keeps spreading to people. There are 2 3 other ladies of the same nature and they gel well. Somehow I have to spend some time down while my kid is playing and this is the perfect time for her to come and talk to me. So avoidance is a bit tricky.
     
  5. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    If her questioning bothers you too much, tell her very politely not to ask such questions. If you cannot, don't get it into your head. Just treat her like a spoilt brat and ignore her. Be unaffected by her.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I honestly do not see anything unusual here.

    When most people like you, especially those who are from the same country, share same culture and same religion are invited to a function, it is very natural to think that, you too would have been invited; hence the question.

    There is nothing to be proud for getting an invitation for a party. It is a usual thing.
    But, it is definitely "something" if you are not to be included in several of similar events like this.
    If that is the case, perhaps it is time for you to self introspect.

    Because, the outer you is apparently not bothered about these invitations. But the inner you is definitely upset, and feels neglected; hence the irritation when another person enquire about this.

    When I was living back in my home country, I used to live in a neighborhood with many house-wives. They used to interact with each other, share recipes, and celebrate poojas and special days at home together. They know each other well, and share constant messages through what's app as time pass.
    I was the only woman who works in a high profiled job; hence lacked time for social gatherings as such. With my limited times, I used to party with my siblings, close relatives and colleagues/friends, but neighbors were my last priority.

    I seldom visit to their homes, and attend to their parties, but casually maintain a hi-bye type of relationship without harming the basic rapport. Most of them understand my work priorities and time management issues, so they don't bother.

    On the other hand, my MIL (who is my neighbor) visits to these homes almost daily. Like the other lady in your posts, she helps them, cooks for them, cares for their kids, and what not.
    She is very much popular in the neighborhood among women, and she is mostly invited for all those functions.

    Now, she comes to my home and always question why they didn't invite you, but invited X, Y, Z and her?
    I wouldn't get irritated, but be logical and give her straight answers.
    I would rather ask MIL, why she wasn't invited at my colleagues birthday function? Because she doesn't share a close bond with my colleague. Same goes here as well. I don't share a close bond with this neighbor, and that's why I wasn't invited.
    What is there to feel inferior or mad at here?
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2022
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  7. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Firstly, Wish you a very happy fortieth birthday.

    Thank you for your reply and sharing your personal example. Its actually very silly of your mil to ask you such a question when she knows that you are not a housewife like her. The equations are different there. Here I am also a housewife like her and only we 2 are of same culture, rest all are from different state speaking different language.

    Some of the people in my society are very silly type. Small things are enough for them to get offended and that's why I need to think if I have hurt them in any way. This particular lady wants to prick me with her question, that's why she comes to enquire if I was invited or not, after the program is over. It's none of her business. If she was genuine she would do it before going to their house so that all ladies can go together, as most of the times ladies go in groups to attend such functions.

    Anyways, like everyone suggested, I am going to ignore and avoid her as much as possible for my own sanity. Reading your reply I felt I was wrong to have that emotion at that point of time. But now as days have passed after the incident I too feel it was silly.
     
  8. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree with all your point! But in ops situation it was not her mil! Mil asking is different! We can definitely deal with her well! Bc at the end of the day they become family. However if it’s the friend it would be v difficult to deal with them when u know what she is trying to do!
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Be it MIL, or mom or friends.... what matters the most is, how we handle such questions.

    If I were you, I would have been honest with that woman, and left it at that.
     

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