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Irresponsible Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Indu18, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Indu18

    Indu18 Junior IL'ite

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    My husband is very irresponsible. He doesn't have a job or business. I have to take care of the entire household expense, rent, children's fee everything. I am working full time and also do part time works to make both ends meet. Any business I suggest or start he is not at all interested. Gives lame excuses that it will not work out.

    I am taking all the responsibility without complaint. What's pains me most is his abusive behavior. He gets angry at silly things. He cannot control his anger he abuses physically too. The thing I cannot tolerate is his abusive language. And the worst part is he abuses my family and says bad words about them. Which I am unable to bear.

    Pls suggest what to do. I cannot leave him. I want to just change him.
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Why can you not leave him ?
    You have not provided any information or hints on possibilities for "change"!!

    Children ? How many ? What ages ?
    This is the information that is going to bother/worry a lot of us.
    If your husband is useful in taking care of children's things -- take to school, bring back, help with homework, etc. etc. .. he might be a "keeper".
     
    shravs3 and BhumiBabe like this.
  3. noire

    noire Silver IL'ite

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    Did he never have a job or got laid off?
     
  4. Indu18

    Indu18 Junior IL'ite

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    I have 2 children aged 19 and 16. He helps around depending on his mood.may be 5 to 6 days in a month he helps with house work.
     
  5. Indu18

    Indu18 Junior IL'ite

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    He had business but as he is bad with finance it went into loss and was closed.
     
  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont see any use of him
    Your kids are also teens.
    My advice is to divorce him. You cant change him after all these years
     
  7. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Big NO to abuse.. I dont think you can change him by normal ways. It has been more than 20 years since you both married. If he abuses you again tell him that you will call police and file divorce. Some times these kind of actions from your side may give a reality check to him and give him some sense. Is he depressed by his business failures. But that is not an excuse for abuse.

    You are already tolerating him. No need to tolerate abuse. I think you are giving a wrong message to kids that abuse in marriage is ok. I think their life also will be influenced by his abusive behavior. Only you can decide what to do.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    This "cannot leave" proviso makes me wonder about your finances. Who owns what ? If you do not have him in your life, how would your life change ?

    You cannot hope to change him. There are many business failures from which people over 45- years of age never recover. There are a lot of 50+ people who are merely existing in some tenuous arrangement within a collective family, because they had given up, and find no gumption to restart.

    Instead of "change", you should aim for "control". If reasoned discussions does not work, you need to bring in threats. Police, and divorce lawyer are two very good agents you can access to threaten him into good behavior. They would both cost you some money; but it is very do'able.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Why? Marriage is all about sharing responsibilities, not taking everything. Even if you happen to take all the responsibility, you shouldn't be bearing it without complaint?
    And this is why you have been taken for granted by your husband. For him, you are a working horse, which is ready to work and loves to work.... then why should he work?

    Perhaps that's his weakness. So, what did you do for this?
    Do you silently bear these abuse? Confront? Diplomatically ask him to shut up and back off? Report this violence to the family or police?
    Your response to his violent act will determine how much he can go about it.

    This can not be a valid reason for staying in this useless abusive marriage.

    PS: Sorry to be blunt. I can't sugarcoat all the time.
    My intention is not to offend you, but I am a believer of bitter medicines that cure the illness fast
     
  10. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    If You can deal with your emotions, leave him.
    Such men never change or for the matter take wife for granted.
     

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