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Irresponsible Husband and Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by lathaswarna, Jul 13, 2011.

  1. lathaswarna

    lathaswarna New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I got married in 2008.Its an arranged marriage.I am a working woman.And my husband is not interested to lead a family in the sense he is not interested to work.My MIL supports him and she asks me to earn on the behalf of him.He has an habit making cricket betting and he lost some lakhs of amount in that in 2009.My inlaws has paid all this lost amount.My fate is that i was about to give birth in a 2 months in 2009.And right now i have a baby girl of 2 years.My SIL along with her new born kids stays in my home itself where i cannot make my kid to grow there along with them.So I came to my parents along with my KID.My husband doesnt support this he says my mom will take care of her.But it will a problem to take care of 3 kids by single woman(my MIL).

    And My In-laws even my husband never call me and ask about the wellness neither about my kid nor me.It shows the irresponsibility of them.

    And recently MIL asking that your parents has not given much amount to you ask them to give and ask then to offer you some silver and gold in the absence of my husband.And i do not have husband support also.

    Do give me a suggestions
     
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  2. sreemanavaneeth

    sreemanavaneeth Gold IL'ite

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    Hai friend,

    There is no right for your in laws to tell you to go and ask for Gold and silver. They have to make their son to go for a job and
    advice him such a manner that he became a family man how long he can be like this etc., Do not encourage anybdoy by
    giving money. You also try to convince your husband to go for a job. Do not worry. You have a separate talk with your
    Husband and tell him such a way that he realise his family commitments. Pray GOD . surely GOD will help you., I can understand your feelings. Do not demand anything from your parents place my dear IL.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    It's really frustrating and disappointing to be married to a man who is not only irresponsible but also callously indulges in betting when he has a baby on the way! If he has a regular gambling problem, then you must deal with it firmly.

    I know there are women who are blessed with good in-laws and living happily in joint families, but I honestly believe they are in a minority! The Bible says "That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person." (Genesis 2:24)...I am stunned by the wisdom of God's plan in commanding husbands and wives to live separately from their respective families! So many marriages can be saved if only men (and women, of course) learn to acknowledge their marital responsibilities and cleave to their spouses instead of living under their parents' shadows.

    In your case, I would suggest you move out and live separately so that your husband will understand his role as a hubby and dad. Once his props (i.e., his parents bailing him out every time he makes a bad decision) are knocked out from under him, he will have no excuse to continue living the way he is. He will be forced to take up a job at least to pay for the rent, food, school fees, petrol, and so on. Tell your ILs firmly that they are spoiling their son by giving him money and not helping him. Also tell your hubby that your earnings are meant to be savings and not the only family income.

    As for your ILs asking you to bring money, don't give any thought to that. Your parents are not bankers or ATMs to keep dispensing money to others at will. They have done their part in providing for you and your marriage. It is a shame that your ILs can't discipline their out-of-control son and are instead demanding you to be the breadwinner.

    Here's to a better married life!

    God bless,
    Carol
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2011
  4. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    Dear lathaswarna, I am so sorry to hear the troubles you are going through.
    I completely agree with cj1980 with the idea of you moving out and living seperately.That is the only way you can get your husband to see how much you are going through. Don't bother to listen to your in-laws. The more you react to their demands the more respect they think they get. I agree, it is not easy to move out and get your husband to agree, but silently fight for it.You are an educated capable woman and dont be afraid to stand up for urself.
    Good luck!
     
  5. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry to hear about your terrible situation.

    What you must do is talk to your husband.
    1) Ask him if he still cares for you and tell him that u miss him and would love to stay intouch and u will feel very happy if he calls u and ask abt u and the baby. Ask him if there is something bothering him in your relationship. If not then he will lear about ur expecations, sometimes men are just like that , they do not know how to maintain relationship. If he is having relationship issue with you, then u guys can talk it out that way

    2) Also, when first issue is sorted out then only it is time to talk about demand for gold/silver coin....discuss it and let him know that it is unaccptable. I did and I do have lots of issue with in-laws but thankfully i had courage to stop such demands...It is lots of burden on our parents if it keeps going on

    3) If your DH does not want to work, then it should be discussed between you and him as to how he is going to take responisbilties for life u have together. It is ok to have 'house-husband' known as 'stay-home-dad' here in US. But if they do not work, they do not sit around and lose wife's money on betting. Just like house wife, they take care of kids, house, cooking etc. Discuss it

    Good luck!
     

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