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Intimacy Issues

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by blackbeauty84, Oct 5, 2018.

  1. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi All,
    This is not a weekend special troll. This is a genuine query.
    I'm married for around four years and have three year old son. Since last year intimacy looks like a chore to me and I don't seem to enjoy it. With the toddler around we don't do it often added to that my husband travels frequently. But even the days when we do it, all I fell like is to finish it off and go to sleep.

    Is this how things generally go after few years?If not what should I do to get the spark back
     
    Trisha14 likes this.
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  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    One has to be focussed and with relax mind to enjoy it. I too suffered like this when my kids were small as there was so much of stress involved with 2 toddlers. Now its much better. Try to take power naps to keep your energy for that time.
     
  3. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks messedup..Would try my best to be relaxed
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I would recommend the website of Sue Johanson. Sue is now in her late 80's. She is Canadian, and a Registered Nurse. Sue Johanson - Wikipedia

    She used to have a radio show in Canada, that we could call in and ask questions. And she would answer them in detail, in a nice clinical language, and it is almost like you are listing to a dear aunt, as well as a medical person. Amazingly energetic woman. She is a very popular invited speakers in college campuses, and on Television in both America and Canada.

    One time I went to listen to her talk at a college campus auditorium, but could not get into the hall, because it was so jam packed. I had to stay out in the corridor, and someone had to run a wire and put a speaker there for all of us sitting on the floor outside the hall.

    Just an amazing person. Browse the site. She has a lot of things to say about how to light up your life.
     
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  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    4 yrs is too soon to lose the spark. The real problem is that you are tired and sleep deprived. Why not plan better? Need not be as frequent but make it special the few times . Power nap as suggested by @messedup is a great idea.
     
    Trisha14 and messedup like this.
  6. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Read erotic stuff. This is very helpful among all other things.
     
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  7. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Amulet. I will google up for Sua Johnson
     
    Trisha14 likes this.
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes I'm exhausted all the times and it's getting a toll on intimacy. Will try power nap
     
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  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    LThanks for the tip. Will try that.
     
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  10. docathome

    docathome Gold IL'ite

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    Hi, i think the amount of sex couples have is different in different phases of their life and different based on the needs of the couple themselves. So as long as both you n ur hubby are on the same page and are content with ur sexlife, I don't think you should be worried about it. Sex is not a tickbox which has to be done so many times a week or something. Once your stressors are gone and u are more relaxed, things will change. If u or ur husband are dissatisfied, I think it's important ul have a frank discussion and make time so that ul are both content with the situation. It may involve getting childcare for sometime so ul could concentrate on ur marriage as well..
     

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