Intimacy In New Marriage & Ttc

If you are over 40 then I would suggest you go straight to a reproductive endocrinologist, not a regular OB-gyn. Did they do the day 3-testing to check all your hormones and also test your AMH? Your DH should also get a semen test done.
This will tell you whether you can try naturally for a baby or whether you will need medical help.

 

Hi,

Can understand your urgency on trying for a baby due to the age. But building compatibility, friendship and intimacy with the spouse is crucial at the beginning of marriage.
Having intercourse as a chore to have a baby will put lot of strain on the relationship. And once the baby comes, you will have lesser and lesser time with each other.
Put honest effort to get to know each other and then intimacy will happen naturally.
All the best!

 

As you are together only for two months you need to create a good base for your relationship than ttc. If not, you will most likely suffer in future.

Dont bring a child if you guys are not in good terms. Communication is a must in a good marriage. So, practice and discipline yourself on how to talk in a non- confrontational way. Talk only when you can in a calm, cool tone, nice way. You can tell your husband also the same. You can only control your side. Try to see his positives and appreciate it. People open up only when they can express without a fear of being judged.

Spend a few months to build your relationship. Smile, talk nicely face to face, spend time together, find out your common interests, talk more, build friendship and express love & affection ( google on how to improve chemistry if its not there). You are not getting aroused emotionally or physically. Thats the reason for lack of pleasure. It should start from your mind mainly due to bonding and connection. Also , touch, hug, kiss, cuddle more even if its not so natural. It will elevate happiness hormones and more. Spend some time with him interacting, doing something together, etc..,.that can improve intimacy. Also, love yourself and be your best version.

As you are aware, you dont have to do sex every days for ttc. If your periods are regular, ovulation calendar can help to locate the fertile days. So doing it only on that week alone is enough for ttc. Its always good to have it if you both love it. So consider it as a project, and remind him about it, avoid any negativity and both of you go for it on that week. Even if every thing is done perfectly, sometimes it wont help. So try a few more months and if there is any concern consult doctors.

Kids are only a part of marriage. But you should build a comfortzone, mutual understanding and should be on the same page before bringing another life. Pregnacy and kids add lot of pressure on normal couples. If you guys are not happy together, how can you create a healthy environment for kids. In long term marriage, a good friendship and comfort zone is important.

I feel you should spend a few months on strengthening your marriage than going for ttc. If not, it will be very stressful for both of you. Kids alone wont fix a marriage. Both of you should be ready in every aspects
to welcome a new member to your family
Good luck.

 

I agree with the others. Don’t be in a rush to conceive.

This above is problematic. Raising a child with this dynamic will be extremely stressful. Start here and try to fix the issues first.
Your whole post almost makes it sound like you are viewing your new h as a sperm donor. I kind of feel like this whole push to get pregnant is more about you and your mom, and in a way you are trying to work through your grief at her passing by doing this one thing - get pregnant and have a kid… maybe she wanted you to do that? Don’t know if that’s really true just that your post reads like that. I think if your mom were still here she would say the same things we are. Don’t view him simply as a sperm donor. Your age is a concern for you but nothing medical science can’t fix. What’s more important is to bring a child into a loving marriage. Best wishes!

 

Looks like this marriage has been done only for having kids.
You have other means to get pregnant.

 

They will ask you to come on the third day of your menstrual cycle and do a complete test of all your fertility hormones. Semen test for your DH is also important so that you don’t waste time. A fertility clinic will be able to do all this.