Interracial marriage - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Hi,
Welcome to IL....You have found wonderful site to discuss your problems with....

Why dont you ask him " why he didnt think about your not being Indian bother him before you moved in with him?"

 

I think this man is urging YOU to take the first step to break up. I may be wrong but this is just an idea.His mother/family must have asked him to break ties with you and he is pushing you to say it. At this rate,you will not be happy with him.Dont worry who will support him if you leave him.He will get many "good Indian girls" to pick from. Dont worry what his friends think about you.Let them laugh at you..what do you care?You know who you are! Just get out from this relationship.YOU need to be happy.Think about yourself first and then think about others.Coming to the point of you loving him...think hard.Will the man you love make you cry? Marriage is about adjustments but this compromise has to be from both ends. You cannot be the person to do it always. When he puts some effort from his side,you will be happy in making some compromises too and vice versa.
Sorry to say,but the man you loved has become a monster and you are better off without him.Take care and let us know when you are fine and done with this abusive relationship.

 

Let me ask you something. I'm not trying to hurt you, but it's just something I've noticed and I'm curious to know. A lot of times when I meet white women in relationships with Indian men, the white women tries to be Indian. Like, she will dress up Indian, sometime even change her name to an Indian name, try to learn hindi (even though her husband/boyfriend speaks english too), and she will bend over backwards to win her inlaws approval and totally neglect her own family.

Why? I mean, what is wrong with just being yourself? When he says you are an Indian wife now, why can't you just tell him you are not Indian? Why are you ashamed of being white or Australian or whatever you identify as? I think you need to stop this Indian crap and BE YOURSELF.

As for 'who' would look after him.... please. He is a grown man. He is capable of taking care of himself. Maybe it is easier with you doing the household work, but if you were not there, he would simply start doing it himself. You seem to have this distorted view of the world where you are the perfect Indian wife, he is a helpless toddler, and society is fixated on your relationship. The reality is, you are not Indian, he is not helpless, and society see's breakups all the time, so if you want to break up and move on... it's not going to be the end of the world.

As for what people would say.... isn't it more important how YOU feel in the relationship? If you aren't happy, or if he is just going to keep being controlling and abusive, then what's the point? You have to make decisions based on what's best for you.

Also, don't let him fool you into thinking Indian wives love to get abused or controlled. Read these forums... there are many Indian women who stood up against their husbands to put an end to abuse. Nobody likes to be dominated... not an Indina girl, not a Chinese girl, or an American, etc. Nobody likes it. He is taking advantage of YOUR desire to fit into HIS culture by saying that Indian women do xyz... knowing that it will make you second guess yourself and conform to what he wants.

Sometimes it happens... when you are dating, a person shows you their BEST side. And then after sometime, they start to show their true colors. Just be thankful you aren't married to him or don't have children with him. At least now you see what this relationship is really all about, and can make a decision accordingly. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings by dumping him. Afterall, he is obviously NOT afraid to hurt YOUR feelings. Australia is a big country, definitely there is some other guy out there who won't treat you the way he does. Good luck!

 

At this point, run while you still can.

 

So cocksure he is! Have a look at this link.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/indian-weddings/114469-finding-bride-getting-tougher-these.html

 

I agree with all these members. Have pride. Leave hm. There is no use of living or marrying to a guy who doesn't give you respect.

Don't let hm abuse and control you. Get out.

You don't need to change your life style for others. It is nice that you want to respect your respect Indian culture because your partner. But changing completely, it is not good. Be yourself.

You have a good job and family. Dump this guy.

all the best.

CL

 

This guy has done nothing to merit your consideration. Think of yourself and your long term interests first. You have seen his true colours already. Why would you want to marry him and put yourself in a super mess? Let him find his "perfect Indian bride" in "2 minutes". That is not your concern. When this guy is not worth his salt, why would even spare a thought for what his friends think of you? Just get out of this relationship and move on with your life.

All the best.

 

Just leave him .He does not deserve you.He is just cheating you by saying the "perfect Indian wife" stuff.What does he mean , he will get a well educated girl who will listen to him no matter what and take his beatings?He is just lying to you or he is just dreaming.Didn't he know that he was going to marry a white lady and not an Indian?Who is he fooling here?

I think, this is a typical case where the Indian man flirts and have affair with a foreign lady and then tries to put up a image that you are not upto his expectation.It is not your fault.Dump this guy.

On the other hand why do you have to bend so much to be accepted?When you bend so much you loose your originality and dignity(any national) and you will be taken for granted.Next time he tries to say something like "Indian wife" stuff tell him that you know his definition of "Indian wife" and ask him to find one if he can and walk off.

 

HI,

In an inter racial relationship, invariably one partner adapts more than the other...if you are lucky the issues at hand are something like becoming a vegetarian or participating in your favorite outdoor event. On the other end of the spectrum are issues like supporting family members, place of residence, etc.

But a good relationship has to be based on respect-even when the emotions grow or wane, if there is respect both partners will listen to each other's concerns and change or at least explain.

I have seen the exact opposite of what you have described too-where the woman was so controlling and insulting in public that I had to leave the room as I couldn't bear to see the guy's face. But this was not the beginning of the problem-it was a well set behavior pattern and should have been addressed right at the beginning.

You say he pushed you once before-that was the turning point-not when he threatened to beat you in your face. Don't settle for the 50% happiness...if he will not acknowledge that there is a problem, get out of the relationship. If you break up, the fault is at his end. You can not control what others say and besides you won't be hearing it either...you can't try to protect him from his own behavior and stay happy yourself. He is an adult. Let him face the consequences of his actions.

R