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Interracial marriage - How to convince his family?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lucile9999, Jun 23, 2015.

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Jun 23, 2015 #11

Swasha Gold IL'ite

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Lucile9999 said: ↑

Dear all,

I'm a European girl currently doing an internship in Goa. I've been in a relationship with a 24-year-old Indian guy. We are meant to each other and we have a lots of common points (we both don't smoke, don't drink and we both had a tough childhood/life). He has been living in Goa but he is from a village located in Uttar Pradesh. The main problem is his family and his village: they won't accept me, even if I am educated, earn a lot of money and take care of him, just because I don't have any caste/religion. If my boyfriend gets married with me, the village people threaten to exclude his family from the village and to kill him. It seems that honor killings are very common in that part of India. He doesn't want to go into arranged marriage.

Due to those circumstances, he is obviously going to choose his family, because he doesn't want them to suffer because of him. Meanwhile I have been suffering a lot. I feel both angry and helpless. He wants to keep in touch with me, but I don't want to keep hoping something which will never happen. The end of my internship is approaching, I had planed to come back to India...but now, I don't have any reason to come back.

I would like to have some pieces of advice from Indians.

Thanks!!
Click to expand...

He is using you for timepass. If he was genuine, he wouldnot have got in to a relationship knowing about his family circumstances.

Swasha, Jun 23, 2015

Swasha, Jun 23, 2015

#11

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Jun 23, 2015 #12

VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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Forgot to add one more point. Most of the UP guys dont drink or smoke..but eat Ghutkha.(worse than tobacco). and paan and spit around. Just FYIP..

VanithaSudhir, Jun 23, 2015

VanithaSudhir, Jun 23, 2015

#12
Jun 23, 2015 #13

tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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OP:
I am a westerner who has been in India a lot over the last 18 years with many Indian friends. This guy is not the guy for you. The mindset of village guys from UP is not going to give you a long term relationship that you will like. There are guys who can make it work with someone who is not Indian, but not with the profile you have presented. Cut off contact with him and go home. Remember it as a fling and move on.

tashidelek2002, Jun 23, 2015

tashidelek2002, Jun 23, 2015

#13

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Jun 23, 2015 #14

Lucile9999 New IL'ite

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Thank you for all your comments.

I think many people have stereotypes about UP, right? I know that many guys from UP are very bad, but I think it is a bit hard to judge someone in only some sentences.

His father died 13 years ago and he has been in charge of his family since then. His whole family relies on him. He has sacrificed his childhood, his studies, his dreams for them.

I also thought he was not serious about our relationship. But he is living behind my house. All the (foreign) trainees who worked in the company I am currently working for lived here. So he had many opportunities to choose another girl before for fun, but he didn't.

Two months ago, he told me that his family might accept me. But he kept hoping. I am the one who put pressure on him to tell about our relationship to his family to know if he was ready to assume me.

He is very nice to everyone. Whenever someone needs something, he is always ready to help. In my life, I have never known a person like that. Everybody appreciates him. My boss and his wife also know him very well. If he was playing with me, then he would be very good at this game.

Lucile9999, Jun 23, 2015

Lucile9999, Jun 23, 2015

#14
Jun 24, 2015 #15

tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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OP: I don't think that anyone (at least I didn't) say he was a bad person. But the cultural differences are bigger than you understand. You are not the first westerner posting on this forum either before or after Indian/non-Indian marriage. You asked for input and yet you don't want to hear the input. So why don't you go up to his village in UP and see how it is?

tashidelek2002, Jun 24, 2015

tashidelek2002, Jun 24, 2015

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Jun 24, 2015 #16

Swasha Gold IL'ite

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Lucile9999 said: ↑

Thank you for all your comments.

I think many people have stereotypes about UP, right? I know that many guys from UP are very bad, but I think it is a bit hard to judge someone in only some sentences.

His father died 13 years ago and he has been in charge of his family since then. His whole family relies on him. He has sacrificed his childhood, his studies, his dreams for them.

I also thought he was not serious about our relationship. But he is living behind my house. All the (foreign) trainees who worked in the company I am currently working for lived here. So he had many opportunities to choose another girl before for fun, but he didn't.

Two months ago, he told me that his family might accept me. But he kept hoping. I am the one who put pressure on him to tell about our relationship to his family to know if he was ready to assume me.

He is very nice to everyone. Whenever someone needs something, he is always ready to help. In my life, I have never known a person like that. Everybody appreciates him. My boss and his wife also know him very well. If he was playing with me, then he would be very good at this game.

Click to expand...

Though he is Good Guy as per your statements, he is not ready to marry you for his family sake. So what can you do??? The only option left for you is to go back to your home. I feel your BF wants to maintain Live In Relationship with you until he gets married to a Girl of his Family's choice.

Sorry, If I am hurting you but this is the reality I foresee in your case.

Swasha, Jun 24, 2015

Swasha, Jun 24, 2015

#16
Jun 24, 2015 #17

CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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Some part of India is still very racist/based on honour code and you managed to select someone from that area. Have you met his family?

CrayoNess, Jun 24, 2015

CrayoNess, Jun 24, 2015

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Jun 24, 2015 #18

dimhere Gold IL'ite

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Lucile9999 said: ↑

Dear all,

Due to those circumstances, he is obviously going to choose his family, because he doesn't want them to suffer because of him.
Click to expand...

If he has made it clear that he "obviously" is going to choose his family over you, why do want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want you??

dimhere, Jun 24, 2015

dimhere, Jun 24, 2015

#18
Jun 24, 2015 #19

docathome Gold IL'ite

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Please,move on. U wil save urself a lot of heartache.. If u feel he is really serious ask him to marry you n see what he says,. His family n circumstances r not gonna change by being undecided or having a live in relationship.. If marriage is not on the cards why do u wanna waste ur time n get upset..

docathome, Jun 24, 2015

docathome, Jun 24, 2015

#19
Jun 24, 2015 #20

adisum Gold IL'ite

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Lucile9999 said: ↑

Thank you for all your comments.

I think many people have stereotypes about UP, right? I know that many guys from UP are very bad, but I think it is a bit hard to judge someone in only some sentences.

His father died 13 years ago and he has been in charge of his family since then. His whole family relies on him. He has sacrificed his childhood, his studies, his dreams for them.

I also thought he was not serious about our relationship. But he is living behind my house. All the (foreign) trainees who worked in the company I am currently working for lived here. So he had many opportunities to choose another girl before for fun, but he didn't.

Two months ago, he told me that his family might accept me. But he kept hoping. I am the one who put pressure on him to tell about our relationship to his family to know if he was ready to assume me.

He is very nice to everyone. Whenever someone needs something, he is always ready to help. In my life, I have never known a person like that. Everybody appreciates him. My boss and his wife also know him very well. If he was playing with me, then he would be very good at this game.

Click to expand...

Lucile.. You are in Love and We all can understand you can't hear bad words about your love.

But think practical also.. He must be very nice as you are saying but straight away saying that he will choose his family and not you, doesn't lead towards the betterment of this relation. So better is to Move On.

Is there any way that he can take his family to Goa forever , Away from the villagers and relatives ? Coz as you said earlier his Mother was agreed to this relation then why not live in a world away from those relatives and villagers who are creating problems. Just a suggestion from my side, Try if it is possible in this way.

adisum, Jun 24, 2015

adisum, Jun 24, 2015

#20

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