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Interracial marriage - How to convince his family?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lucile9999, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. Lucile9999

    Lucile9999 New IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    I'm a European girl currently doing an internship in Goa. I've been in a relationship with a 24-year-old Indian guy. We are meant to each other and we have a lots of common points (we both don't smoke, don't drink and we both had a tough childhood/life). He has been living in Goa but he is from a village located in Uttar Pradesh. The main problem is his family and his village: they won't accept me, even if I am educated, earn a lot of money and take care of him, just because I don't have any caste/religion. If my boyfriend gets married with me, the village people threaten to exclude his family from the village and to kill him. It seems that honor killings are very common in that part of India. He doesn't want to go into arranged marriage.

    Due to those circumstances, he is obviously going to choose his family, because he doesn't want them to suffer because of him. Meanwhile I have been suffering a lot. I feel both angry and helpless. He wants to keep in touch with me, but I don't want to keep hoping something which will never happen. The end of my internship is approaching, I had planed to come back to India...but now, I don't have any reason to come back.

    I would like to have some pieces of advice from Indians.

    Thanks!!
     
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  2. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    If marriage can never happen, its better to cut relationship with him and be yourself again. You might find a better person in future.
     
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  3. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    It is unlikely that this will end up in marriage given his mindset about the future and his family. Cut all ties with him and move on. Not everyone is meant to be present in our future. Time will heal you.

    Good luck..
     
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  4. msindu

    msindu Bronze IL'ite

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    Convince him to settle abroad but staying in India will be difficult even for a major city without compromise. Seriously what will the guy achieve with his family staying in the village with this mentality? Besides his villagers won't help his family in financial or any other crisis. If he needs to help his family maybe you two can send some money to them.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    A boy from Uttar Pradesh ,worried about family and village should not have got involved with you in the first place.

    I say,leave him alone and save yourself a lot of shock,trouble and heart break.

    Even if you do get married,his family will make your life hell.
     
    11 people like this.
  6. Lucile9999

    Lucile9999 New IL'ite

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    That's what he told me, he made a big mistake falling in love with me.

    In fact, his father died 13 years ago. His mother and his younger brothers don't care about our relationship. His mother even agreed and was often asking about me. His grandfather (who is more than 85), his relatives and the villagers are the biggest problem.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    What Yellowmango said.
    You are young and have a promising future. Find yourself a suitable partner who will honor and cherish you, and whose family also welcomes you with open arms.
     
  8. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    Agree to yellowmango... He must have Known what will be the consequences of this relationship in future. Ask him bluntly What was he thinking while roaming around with you ? Where was his family at that time ?

    Better to leave such a coward person and Move On girl. Don't get yourself into this honour killing scenario. You are Educated, Can earn much more and Will surely get your Mr. Right. :)

    All the best for your future
     
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  9. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    While Venkat and Premji can make these things happen with successful ending, it is hard for such things to work out successfully in real life unless both are very stable and mature.

    Lucile - better to not keep hope on this working out.
     
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  10. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    @ragini25.. I was reminded of Goa film too. Ha ha ha ha..

    Lucile.. Escape when you still have the time. A guy from UP with conservative family and from a village.. is definitely not going to work out for you.
    He is just time passing with you. He is not trustworthy. Take the next flight back home.
     
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