Interesting article in TOI - Time to say goodbye to guilt

I dont want to live in a Joint family. I want to live in a family where either sets of grand parents are welcome and respected alike which is impossible in a joint family for me.

I want other interests and other jobs to give me satisfaction than being full time mommy to my kids. I would rather take 1 hour reading a book or taking a nice long walk without the kids while the husband can take care of kids because I need my time too. My identity is not being a mommy and I will not be proud to say that I made 5 dishes to appease my 3 yr old who is a picky eater. I would rather be a happy mum than a super mum.

I will not feel guilty if I dont make idli, dosa everyday at home. I will not feel guilty when the MIL says that she made 3 different dishes everyday piping hot for her kids. I will not feel guilty when my mother says she never went out for a movie alone with my father because she didnt want to leave her kids even for a second. I will not feel guilty for enjoying a drink with my girl friends on a satuarday night instead of cozying up with the kids. I will not let anyone guilt trip me about my career.

I follow the above mantra religiously and am at peace.

 

well said mommy bird!!!

 

well to be honest i would feel guilty if i dint do justice to the education my parents have given me.

 

well, in today's world whatever you do, there is a fair chance that children grow up and become estranged

 

My question to them --> Why do these elders then sent their daughter's to school to educate?

They could very well kept her at home, taught her all household stuff and cooking and molded her to be the best wife, mother, daughter-in-law.

I pity people who see Career Vs Family in the first place.

Some women like to juggle many balls.
Some women like to concentrate on one thing.

This comes to my mind, a very nice quote. To evolve is to surrender choices; to move forward is to accumulate all the things we can no longer be.

It is just a personal choice and no one should be judged based on their decision.

 

Aaah would that it were so easy! This is an old problem, not specific to women. Although I do appreciate what you're getting at, the philosophical issues are perennial. Yeats put it best:

The Choice
by William Butler Yeats

The intellect of man is forced to choose
perfection of the life, or of the work,
And if it take the second must refuse
A heavenly mansion, raging in the dark.
When all that story's finished, what's the news?
In luck or out the toil has left its mark:
That old perplexity an empty purse,
Or the day's vanity, the night's remorse.

As for whether women can 'have it all', here is a thought-provoking response to the TOI article by Anne-Marie Slaughter, former aide to Hillary Clinton. This article has created a lot of buzz in the US and the discussion rages still - well worth following!

Magazine - Why Women Still Can’t Have It All - The Atlantic

 

I agree with Nadhu, it is a personal choice of an individual. Some women may choose to be homemakers and nothing wrong with that. At the same time, why do women have to feel guilty, if choose to be career oriented? I view it as, 'If there is a will and there will be a way', to make it happen.

I looked at the date of the article, it says dated June 29th, 2012. Was it a typo? (I know, it wasn't). May be, this article should have been released in 70's, made more sense back then. That's my mom's generation, thought that they have to give up their work life to raise kids because, they were the 1st generation who went to work force and it was very confusing for women at that time. It is no longer applicable for women in 2010's.

Believe, raising kids are the responsibilities of both the parents. Men are willing to share the house work, as well as raising the family (same as women).

-- Most women, these days like to enjoy 'small' freedom time before settling in marriage life (same as men), and started to work after graduating. Once, anyone who have tasted that flow of money/power or the individuality, freedom, will not give up their work. May be, those women didn't like their work or their work environment to begin with and using 'raising the family' as their an escape code to quit their jobs? Women are working harder than ever, and balancing both work/family just fine.

I disagree with the statement 'so-so career' and there is no such a thing as 'so-so'? Are they implying woman CEO has a career and NOT for the women who work as a doctor/teacher/engineer?

-- Many parents also consider, it is safe for their girls to be employed regardless of their family status. It is no longer marriage life is considered as the 'safe' place (guarantee to last, it is the reality) and prepare their girls 'in case' possibilities to take care of themselves. It is a welcome change than it was 25 years ago (previous generation of Indian parents).