Inter Caste/religion Love Marriage

Hi Friends,

Mine is love marriage. I am a christian and he is a hindu. I lost my father when I was 7 yrs. My mother only had brought me up with all difficulties. Because my mother did not accept, I married him with his family support by Hindu rituals. Later my mother accepted and came for my marriage reception. I am conceived after a month of my marriage. Now, I am in my 19th week. My DH is in Dubai now for a project. I am very lucky to get a him because he takes care of me nicely and he loves me a lot and always understands me. I am working in chennai. I want to see my mother and I want to eat foods made by her. But my DH is still angry with her about the fights he had with her before our marriage. But my mother wants to see me and do all works for me. Please help me how to convince my DH. He wants his mother(my MIL) to come and stay with me. But I don't want to be with her this time because I want loving and supporting persons around me this time. My MIL will always talk some harsh words because ours was love marriage. I will not speak anything against her. But, I don't want her to be with me esp this time. Now, I am staying with his grandmother (my MIL's mother). I feel very lonely and am always in depressed state thinking about my mother and DH. My Gynae scolded me that I am not putting weight and instead I am reducing. Now, my morning sickness has stopped but I vomit rarely if I don't like the food. So, she gave protein powder and other tablets. Please help me to convince my DH to compromise with my mother because I need her badly and she also crying everyday that she cannot see me. I am the only daughter to her. I have no siblings. I know I can be normal only if I have my mother near me this time. Please help me friends.

--Jasmine

 

Dear Jasmine,
Congratulations!!! Please don't stress yourself.

Tell DS that whatever happened was in the past and during pregnancy every woman needs their mother. You cannot give up your mother..will he be able to ..no matter what they do?

If he has surgery wil he want his mother or your mother?

Anyways..don't fret..call your mom and tell DS that doc has ordered bed rest and I want my Mom thats it.

He is far away and cannot be with you so at least he can make you comfortable..

FL

 

Hi Friends,

Mine is also love marriage. I am from Maharashtra and my husband is from Andhra Pradesh. We actually met on the internet via chatting.Computer Typing We both were/are working in software field. He was in Hyderabad and I was in Pune. It started as normal chatting. I got a message from this unknown stranger. Initially it was just hi/hello messages. After some days it was more about work and technical discussions/problems. Since he never chatted anything other than this I also liked chatting with him.This went on for almost 6 months...without even seeing each other he proposed one day. I was shocked.:shock: I told him its not possible since we are from different states,different language etc..But he didnt see any problem in such issues. he used to try to convince that these are not problems at all...one day he told that if your reply is no then there is no use in talking everyday. what is the future of this relationship. he stopped chatting, no emails nothing...but i think i was in love so i only used to send him mails, messages but he didnt reply..he said if you accept then only i will be in contact..finally one day i accepted..after that we send photos of each other by email.both liked each other( now thinking about this,,i mean internet chat, then marriage.. i feel i was so lucky that i was not cheated).After that we started talking on phone also...Now we had major problem of convincing our parents. I told him to first tell his parents.
My parents were also looking out matches for me. Before all this started almost 4-5 matches had come for me..but either the age gap was too much, or groom almost bald or boy's parents were too demanding..one groom's father was so demanding that he asked me that after marriage i should cook in the morning for his son's lunch, pack lunch box for his office, do all housework .then go to office. when his(groom's father's) friends come over i should entertain them by making tea, samosa etc..he said that i may be executive in office but after coming home i should do all the housework!!..i was shocked hearing all this..even before anything is fixed this man is demanding so much i dont know after marriage what will happen.also that boy is not saying anything when his father was telling all this...his father again asked me will you learn cooking ...but i firmly said no..

(if anyone demands anything i wont do but i will do on my own..if i feel they are good...)

he said see see now also she is saying no..but my mother didnt say anything she also didnt like their attitute....she told its better to keep quiet than to talk back since they will do bad publicity..

one weekend my husband came to Pune to meet me..sometimes i used to go to office on weekends when there is work..so that weekend also i told home that i am going to office..and i went to meet him in children's park.It was saturday..next day again i wanted to meet him since he was leaving back to hyd..so i told again home that today also work..but my mother told that today someone is coming to see you so dont go..then i spilled the beans..i told from now on no need to look out for anyone..i have found one ..my mother is very broad-minded..she asked about him and since he was in pune..she told me to call him home..i called him and told him to come home..after he came home my mother asked about his parents ..will they accept..we dont know anyone from Andhra..we dont know how you people are..my hubby said dont worry i will manage my parents..they are very nice..they will surely accept..and about myself you can call my work people, colleagues /manager or any friends/relatives and ask about my character etc..my mother said why dont you call your parents now and tell them in front of us..he said no i will manage them later when i go back...that whole day he was with us, had lunch , dinner and returned to hyd...
Later when my hubby told his parents over the phone about us they didnt accept..his mother said no..she told him that give us one week we will find a better girl for you..his father also tried to make him understand all the differences..MIL told him what should we tell relatives or anyone who asks where did they meet? how can we tell internet..no one even knows about it in village..but my husband was adamant.. since my in-laws didnt accept he told them ok if i marry i will marry that girl only else i will not marry at all..my husband even consulted his friends about this..whether this marriage will work or no... due to cultural,language differences..some of his friends agreed that it's not good idea...it will be very difficult later...one day on chat he told that all are against this..so lets do one thing..lets not be in contact for 6 months, no mails, no chat, no phone no nothing for 6 months, if we meet someone in these 6 months and fall for them we will live our own lives else if our love is true and we dont find anyone in this time we will get married...i was shocked..i was thinking did he see 'Mann' movie or what...but since he is saying that this is just attraction and it will pass if we meet someone else etc..why not give it a try..so i agreed...but same night he called and told that he talked to his close friend who is also a doctor and he says that girls are more mature and they dont take decisions hastily..if she is ok with all the adjustments then y do you worry...dont worry there are so many cases of inter-state marriages and most are successful..if she is ready to adjust go ahead...his younger brother also advised him on same lines...
But now problem was his parents..my mother used to tell me..that I know Andhra people are very strict , they see caste and ask for so much dowry etc..i knew all this from my colleagues so I didnt want to make you sad so I accepted..but I knew they will not accept..so if they dont accept or we dont accept its same ...result is you wont get married to him.
My parents didnt agree for registered marriage..their problem was that they dont know anyone from Andhra , and how come they let their daughter get married to this person without knowing/seeing any of their relatives.What will happen if this person is a cheat..whom do they contact etc etc..
my in-laws used to tell my husband they will find another girl asap... but he was adamant..he even told them that later you will only say that the girl you found is good we wouldn't be able to find a better one...but then one fine day they told him ok..if you want to marry that girl only then go and marry...do registered marriage or whatever we dont care,we will not come for the marriage..but my husband told them that if we had to marry that way we would have married long back..i want to marry with your acceptance only and we are ready to wait till you accept...so finally they agreed and decided to meet in hyd at their relatives place for engagement...
His parents also came from their native place and we all met..there was no fighting or anything ...MIL didnt talk since she knows only Telugu..his cousin and his family knows Hindi, english so all went well...they even finalized mahurat and all...their condition was that marriage will be in his native place according to their customs , my parents agreed and decided to give reception in Pune.

Now we are happily married with two cute kids.It will be 10 yrs this month, since we married and still it seems we married recently..After hearing so many cases of internet cheating...I am so thankful to God that I was lucky I was not cheated.
Now i can understand telugu ..but cant talk...i like Telugu movies more than Hindi movies..used to see telugu movies with subtitles......since we lived in US for almost 8 yrs, we talk with elder kid in english, i and my husband talk with each other in Hindi..we moved from US to hyd last yr..elder kid got adjusted and now talks little bit telugu.younger kid just turned one..we live in joint family..no issues with in-laws..they are very good..MIL cooks, SIL helps in cooking(cutting vegetables etc) ..maid for utensils,cleaning etc..so no work for me..i try to help in kitchen when i can...they like the soft chapatis that i make, so only thing i do is make chapatis when needed...i dont talk at length with MIL due to language problem, but if there is something short I have to tell i do talk in my broken Telugu...i talk with SIL in english,BIL in hindi...my elder kid now knows hindi,english,telugu and Marathi..
I haven't started job search yet..right now full time work is taking care of kids..

Came across this site while browsing. Its very good site..lots of information that i need like where to shop, doctors,schools etc..I have no friends here in Hyderabad so this site is really a boon for me..

looking to make friends here.
Kshama

 

sorry i wanted to write co-sister , but wrote SIL...please replace co-sister whereever i wrote SIL... I dont have SIL.

 

hi al,

pls help me out in this situation, hope FL will be to help me out r anybody who is elder to me and experienced.

have been in love with a boy and we both revealed to our parents. his parents accepted with half heart and there was a big problem in my home. it has been four months over and they al forced me to drop him out. at a stage i realized that whatever i do they r not ready to accept and i was not wishing to elope too, so i just broke with him. he called up to my dad and talked for which my dad has said if she is willing take her as because no one in the family can understand this and i too cant make u both marry. now i am afraid wat will be the position if i elope as my mom is too sensitive and she can do anything. if i elope, then in our caste it is end of relation between the daughter and the family for the rest of her life. i cannot even come back for any thing even for any body's death too. pls help me out pls.............

 

I married a girl outside of my community. We are different in caste, creed and faith and everything else. Families on both sides opposed and even threatened us. Nothing doing - I wished them best of luck in what they thought. Told my in laws she is mine and am taking her. We celebrated our silver anniversary and going into gold and diamond. I love her - she is the girl of my dreams.

I don't know what happened to the initial opposition and threats from both families. We have become great pals now - my family love her more than me and her family loves me lots.

 

Priyac, you love this boy truly? make sure you are making the right selection so that you come back later on IL and tell us all the wonderful things you and your would-be husband are doin.

 

Hi all

Actually i am in big problem actually i am a sikh boy and i am in relation with hindu girl and we want to marry to each other,but her parents are not agree at all.

i just want your views what should i do now??