Inter Caste/religion Love Marriage

Suhasini,
That was amazing. 1st I am happy to know both of you had parents who valued children more then customs and religion...yes , though they were opposing to being with , atleast they knew they wanted their children to be happy and not get ruiened with wedding by just marrying to thier choice.. And 2nd I am dam happy that both of you have done a lot to satify both customs for the families...I wish both of you a very happy married life and one single thing that I wish to part as a suggesstion...NO matter what even after children and so on...with whatever may be the given situation..plz try to understand each other and manage ur situation well . I did want to convey this because ur's is a inter religion marirage and both families are in terms so ...at every given point in time, it is all likely that you may face conflicts at the family level in respect to customs . I wish and hope that both of u do not get in to it...Let the families have thier own problems ...but never should u or ur hubby quarrel on this point on behalf of ur respective families.

Sorry if I am doing a teachers job.
But just as a well wisher felt I need to part this though with you.

Cheers,
Kavitha.

 

Thanks a million Kavitha,

I respect and value all the comments and advises from our ILties regarding my marriage. I don't have an elder sister or cousin sister to share and advice as such, hence I cherish all my sisters here as my own sisters to take part in my own happiness and sorrows.

As you said, we both are aware that we may face conflicts from both FOOs at every given points in terms of religious differences. But have decided to face everything together!

At the initial days of marriage, my MIL created lots of troubles and sometimes I went crazy with her. But later I realized all our in house problems badly affect my DH's peace of mind and it may emotionally detach us. So I started to simply ignore her talks and be nice with DH without complianing anything aboutt his mom. I did this for a few months, and now I could see a huge difference in my MIL's approach towards me. Also it has dramatically improved my relationship with my DH. So I am very happy now! - At the end of the day, this is what every woman expect for!

As for religious customs - We celebrated Diwali in a grand scale at my ILs place and it was our first one after marriage. My parents and close relatives also took part in it. On the other hand, we did celebrate Christmas at my mom's place in December with all the participation of my ILs and relatives. So both side is convinced.

Though everything seems to be OK, I am dead sure both families would start a conflict when I give birh to a baby in the future (I am not yet a mom), but I hope rely on my ILties sisters here for solutions during that time

 

Thanks Suhasini for valuing my comments. You have taken it in the right sprits.
I am also happy to know u and ur DH are able to manage the situations well. I know how it is to be in a love marriage to manage a MIL. I too have been under the same circumstances and I have done exactly the same....managing by self, not letting DH know.
All the very best to you. We are all here always...u can bang:bang on us what ever may be , we'll stand by to support , encourage and also correct/ rather suggest where ever required.

:thumbsup Kavitha.

 

Hi,
I m new to IL...
I knew two of my classmates got married without informing their parents....
They opted for a register marriage....Later they disclosed it....They faced obstructions....Finally both sides came together and they had a reception too....:thumbsup

 

hi i m so haapy dat both were in true lov n share such great bonds

Congratssssss

Love Doll

 

Hi to all,

I am new to this site and just gonna read all your stories and views. Everything was quite interesting.
I don't have a story like u all but need al your views and suggestions.

I am basically from a well orthodox family and they r searching alliance for me in my home. Now i am in love with a boy of different caste but hindu. Earlier i was away from him because of fear that i would accept him, i dont want to do that as I knew very well that my parents will not allow this as we cannot take even one example of inter caste marriage from my family side. At last he has won my heart.
Now all the alliance which my parents saw got rejected by itself and we both disclosed to our parents. His parents r ready to say yes if my parents say yes. After i disclosed i got all emotional tortures and my mom taken more sleeping pills and my father is a heart patient and he too went to doc for treatment after hearing this news, Al were giving me torture and i told them i will go by their way and things returned to normal.

I know if they make me marry to different caste there will be lot of problems from my relatives and they will abuse my parents. My parents didn't even ask me abt the details of him. They keep on advising me regarding the prestige problem they will face and the abuses to be heard from the relatives. As my dad has a well reputed name in our caste, they dont even give me time to talk. Now i am sure that they dont accept for marriage becaus i t is clear that they dont c that i am hurted, as i have given them word, they continue normal life. I clearly come to know that even if god comes down and say they will not accept and my mom is ready to do suicide if such a marriage is going to take place and she is not just said in words, i know she will do.

I dont know whom to hurt now.

 

Dear Priya,
You are in a very tricky situation.What I can suggest is postpone ur wedding plans for now.Tell ur parents that I need time to get over this hurt and I cannot get married now for at least a yr.

In the meanwhile evaluate all aspects of your life.

Its ur life and U have to live in the marriage.If you are bold enough to love someone then follow through otherwise don't waste the other person's emotions and destroy 2 lives (1 u marry and 1 U don't marry)in the process.

If U cannot stand up against all odds and care more about society etc...then tell the boy clearly and break all ties.Be a good girl and marry who ever your parents tell you and never ever expect any happiness in ur life because we women have to take stand in all aspects of our life,If you cannot do it with your parents then forget with future in laws.

Sorry if I sounded harsh but thats the truth of life.

good Luck
FL.

 

hi ,

thanks for ur views. for these days i was arguing with them reg this. the problem is that i am not worried abt the society but my parents are worried. i have asked them time but they r not ready to give time as they think i will b more involved in love. they say me that if u dont want us, u can walk away now. but dont ever think we will make u marry with that person. as my age is 25 they r not at al ready to wait for a month too. atleast they want to fix up now and have marriage after 5 months.

since i am in home now al time counseling is going on and my mom dont want to talk to me as i am in love with some other caste. she says i dont need u if u marry such a person. he was ready to come here and talk to them, i was in full hope but even for that they say it is a big shame on us and will not allow them inside the home. mom has said me if they come i am sure to hang and will write ur name for that. they say u get marry and go away but we need al people around us, so u can go if u wish bec even if u wait there is no use. i can simply say that caste is in their blood.:help

 

Dear Priya,
Sorry to hear your troubles. The answer to your question is What do you want?

• Can U walk away from parents and live without their support?
• Do U think that this boy and his parents will treat you well?

25 is not old.You have time.If you really want this tell them you will not marry anyone and need time to think.

You have to think this through.Loving someone is completely different than living with someone.

What is it you want Priya?

FL

 

hi Fl,

thanks for ur concern. I would like to be with him with parents blessings only. we both need our parents. at present i have told them not to c alliance and if they r going to go further , i have planned to talk to the groom itself, if situation gets worser.

I dont like to run away and be with him. let me c wat happens. thanks for ur support.