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Intelligent And Loving Approach To Something That Makes Me Feel Bad

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by ChennaiExpress, Jul 14, 2018.

  1. Jul 14, 2018 #1
    ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Before you read further, here is the outcome I wish for:

    1. We clean up and decorate our house

    2. Dad's friend from India visits us along with his family (who ever is in USA)

    3. Visit from old friends will bring happy memories alive and help improve Dad's health.

    4. We become acquainted with people in USA, i.e. whatapp/email/etc

    5. Once in a while we get together and go nice place

    6. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and are friends for life


    _________________________________________________________________
    Here is my problem, please give best way to approach:

    I was really upset since yesterday (and even this morning I posted a fiery message which I since deleted) because one of my Dad's old friend left vm on Dad's phone saying he was now in USA.

    I was angry at this old friend of my Dad because

    1. He was one of the many people who told my Dad to abandon me when I was a little kid (mom is a toxic dude)

    2. When this friend was helping to arrange my now failed marriage (well DUH no one can predict the future, otherwise that person can play the stock market!) he was taunting that I am quiet and timid like ladies in India who wear dupattas. His daughters are opposite. They are outgoing, had happy marriage, honeymoons, and I believe they have small kids. How it would have been nice if I had intact marriage with baby who was born. Then our children would have been playdates .......

    3. I always wanted friends, but Dad purposely didn't want me to be friends with his friends daughters because they might be mean to me (had this experience with other people's kids most of time)



    Last night, I told Dad that his friend was the phone call that interrupted us during Dr' appointment (Dad still healing from shingles) I asked if I can block him from calling us, because why is he calling, we are suffering.

    Dad replied that phone will be turned on during the weekday. I didn't want to push issue because Dad was managing pain, and he was tired.



    What is the emotionally intelligent way to handle situations that trigger pain?

    How to turn it into beautiful greenery?
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 14, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 14, 2018
    #1
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  2. Jul 14, 2018 #2
    ChennaiExpress

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    LOL, this thread is getting a fraction of views compared to the one with a negative title ..... that is human nature ....
     
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 14, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 14, 2018
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  3. Jul 14, 2018 #3
    messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Try to forget and forgive for your internal peace. They will just come to meet you. I know their words will hurt you but try not to lose your peace. This is world where we meet all kind of people and we cannot avoid someone like this.
     
    messedup, Jul 14, 2018
    messedup, Jul 14, 2018
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  4. Jul 15, 2018 #4
    ChennaiExpress

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    You know, I just told my Dad not to worry about me, he should contact his old friend. This is healthy as it brings feelings of the good old days.

    Right now my Dad is not in a mood to talk to anyone (still dealing with health issues)

    Hope things get better soon.
     
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 15, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 15, 2018
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  5. Jul 15, 2018 #5
    salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    dear CE,

    Just sit and relax. I will say don't pester your dad with this question as he is not feeling well right now.

    But do you think you can handle it well ?else it is okay to miss the meeting. You no need to please everyone!! You can either inform " this friend" you got some appointment. So just have a casual talk on phone. Enough!!

    Else just let your father meet his friend. They can meet outside over cup of coffee, else they can meet at home you can go out mentioning you got some appointment.

    But just make sure it doesn't affect your dad's health. Feel like already you guys are going through a lot. I don't think you no need to please this friend when you already know how it is going to be as well as you are not in a position to entertain such negative people right now.

    So I will say just have a casual talk on phone and end it. May be you can entertain them next time.!! You be peace with that thought.. :) Do what you can, it is okay to say to "No".
     
    salad, Jul 15, 2018
    salad, Jul 15, 2018
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  6. Jul 15, 2018 #6
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Guess you should first check with your dad if he wants to talk or meet him.

    If he wants to talk, you can dial n give the phone to your dad.

    If he wants to meet, let them arrange it when you are at office, either outside or at your home. Check if they have left n then reach home if you want to avoid seeing their face.

    N also if you hate them but your dad likes them, he can still have a relationship as long as it doesn't affect you.

    World is filled with all kindsa people, n you make the choice about how to react to each. Don't think you need to give a high amount of your mind space for a person you hate.
     
    ashneys, Jul 15, 2018
    ashneys, Jul 15, 2018
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  7. Jul 15, 2018 #7
    ChennaiExpress

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    Honestly it's not so much I hate the friend, but rather bad memories arise because of him.


    For a long time I was angry at my Dad because the marriage he worked so hard to arrange was shattered. This friend also helped my Dad at his very best capacity.

    Really, the source of anger was/is me, and that is immaturity on my part.

    I wish somehow we can convey that Dad is not feeling well, hense his non-response.....
     
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 15, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 15, 2018
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  8. Jul 16, 2018 #8
    ChennaiExpress

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    Update: Post-shingles pain has significantly reduced. Dad plans to call his friend soon.
     
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 16, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Jul 16, 2018
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