insecurity - the other side of the story

This thread was not about east vs west but about the underlying insecurity that causes problems. If you are financially dependent on someone else that is one issue that can cause insecurity and conflicts. You are raised in your culture and if the culture/social system is such that your financial security is based on your adult children it will cause fear/insecurity. And I understand aging parents getting concerned. It is not so nice to get old. You may feel you loose control as the society is changing so much. Starting from simple thing like using the TV remote control that almost require a degree in IT .

 

I dont think my post was to offend anyone. I was just giving examples. Ofcourse my example could be wrong per you and many, its your opinion.

And call it my viscous nature or whatever... I wont mind, its your opinion. But if I feel if anyone is insulting my country or its tradition/culture, then....

 

Exactly, I agree. rather than ....

 

Now that is a valid point. My parents and in laws are all quite technically challenged. Changing a mobile phone or TV become a big hassle for them and a source of worry to them. Both our fathers took ages getting comfortable using an ATM card....they finally started when the bank people told them that they should use the ATM cards for normal withdrawal .

 

@SGBV- If I may respond to this imaginary scene (and I speak only what I would or would not do):

1. If I was the primary bread winner in my family, I would explain to my husband that at this time of pregnancy, I want my mother here with who I feel most comfortable. My MIL is welcome to visit but her visiting should impact my mother's visit reagardless of whether I pay for her expenses or not. If I can have only one person, it would unquestionably be my mother.

Now I want to clarify that even if I earned no income, my answer is the same. As a pregnant woman, I do believe I have the right to request that and for others to understand where I am coming from.

2. As for my mother, even if I was not just primary earner but the President of the country, she will not demand anything. It is just not her nature. She will tell me if my MIL wants to come, let her come for few days and she will come later.

I do want to add that if she was the MIL and we were taking about my brother and his family, even if my SIL was not earning anything, my MIL will not demand anything. I have never seem her demand anything from anyone.

I seriosuly have not seen my mother insecure especially with her children. She is very confident of her children's love to feel insecure. I think the situation is like if you know your husband loves you more than anyone else, would you be insecure about hims affection for another family member like his mom or dad?

I really feel that my parents have no expectations financially from any of us. They had expectations that we apply ourselves well and study and get a good jobs and make good choices. Our living to our fullest potential was their expectations and hopefully they are happy with us.

I know in this forum there is lot of talk of mothers becoming possessive of their sons after marriage. I am sure that is true in some (or many cases) but I can honestly say that I have not seen my mother or my MIL be possessive in a destructive was about their children. I think because of the examples of my parents, I strongly feel that a parent should raise the bar high in demonstrating correct behaviour in front of their children not lowering it.

I already realize how hard it is to step back and not give into temptation to smother you child with too much love or be over proctective. When a child is born, it only knows mother's heartbeat but slowly their world expands. Every change in a child's life- that first day at school, first sleepover, frist time driving a car, going off to college and finally marrying -all give some anxious moments. But seeing that inocccent bundle joy finally growing up to a responsible adult should be source of joy not insecurity.

 

Your example was made to insult.
You compered independence to prostitution.
You are saying if someone offending your culture , then its wrong…
I dont know who offended it here.
Could you point it ?
if not, then what are you talking about?

If you dont know, why your example was offending…
Well, what can I say…
Your comment tells all about you

Still I feel offended, but I understand you are trolling,so will ignore your posts from now.

 

@TGG totally agree these sterotypes are reason why many so called educated girls (that earn as much or even more than their husbsnds ) toe the line.

Thank God, my parents never spoke about all this marriage business at home while we were growing up. My brother and us girls had same right and opportunities. I think my parents were happy if they could us out of trouble

 

Hmm interesting conclusion. You knew someone (or many) stripping or prostituting themselves (by the way what kind of college was that ???) and jump to the conclusion that all girls/ women (non- Indians of course) or the same? See my mom says stay away from bad company or else you will also corrupted. If I were you, I would just return to bharat mata and dip in river ganga to wash my sins (by association). You seem to have attracted a lot of them too.

I assume there is no prostitution or strip clubs in India. Or perhaps they are there but women work free because of job satisfaction. Because I have seen (news/ magazines) in India of girls from so-called good families getting caught in hotels during police raids.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/09/14/us-india-escorts-idUSSIN21470920080914



http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...sex-workers-by-night/articleshow/24738353.cms

 

better late than never

 

hmm...interesting... how things can get dissected and taken to different tangents.

Well you yourself know about prostitution and all, but guess you just want to make some point.

Nevertheless... ofcourse there is prostitution in India as everyone knows, even carried by famed models.

But the context in which I was talking about was purely based on what the carried conversation was, I dont think I feel the need to repeat it.

oh.. and btw.. about Ganga and Bharat Mata... pls dont dip, its already full of sins, we dont need more.