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Inner Turmoil...need Some Answers

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by fourthaugust, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Hey ladies...i am trying to pour my heart out here so please bear with me.
    I don't share good relationship with my PIL. Reasons:
    1. Since the very beginning they are badmouthing about y parents everywhere like how they expected marriage and how my parents failed to meet there expectations.
    2. There was too much intrusion in my privacy by them and their habit of picking up too many faults with me in small small things and also calling my dad and complaining about me.
    3. When pregnant with elder one, she was not with.e to take care but used to scold me over phone for severe vomittings(according to her t was my fault.)
    4.never took care of me during bothmy deliveries and a miscarriage happened d
    In the beginning.
    5. Always asking my husband not to trust me because I am his enemy and I don't love him(funny I know)
    6. Always badmouthing about me in the extended family, saying all kinds of thing lime how I m not a good mother wife or DIL.
    And many more
    Now everytime they come to visit me , they pass sarcastic comments which sometimes I answer or sometimes let it go.
    I do not talk to them.i never wish them on any festival, never ask about there health just nothing.
    Here I just serve them.meals four times a day nd get busy with my life. I feel I have utter disrespect towards them. I usually don't answer their queries also.
    Am I being overly rude? Should I take it a notch down?
     
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  2. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Okay.Respect comes from the mind,so if you are disappointed with them,no wonder you can behave respectfully.I accept all,like doing your duty and having a life of your own.But you dont even reply to their queries? This i feel can be avoided..Like just treat them like fellow humans and answer only to their queries.

    But now that you have already set them your behavior towards them,any step to be cordial with them will make them dominate/make you feel guilty for your previous actions.So dont go overboard.Just think of them as fellow humans and act accordingly.
     
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  3. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Will try to be at least little more cordial with them... They really bad mouth about me a lot..both of them...whenever I see normal PILs (my friend's) I feel so bad and feel why life is so unfair sometimes.
     
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  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    It does happen.And these kind of people definitely dont deserve any special treatment or connection with you.It is your conscience which is pricking you because you are a good person.So to even satisfy yourself,just answer their queries and do your basic duty and go on with your normal activities in life.Beyond this, dont worry about anything at all.
     
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  5. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you ever spoken to them about why they bad mouth about you soooo much ?

    Respect comes from within, according to me being quiet is better than talking and starting more arguments in this situation.

    If it bothers you morally, do whatever you can to your limits but don't push yourself. No matter what you do, they will still bad mouth about you anyway. So it's not gona make a difference to them, but would to you, so do it for yourself.
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Respect cannot be a one way street . After all that they have done to you it is natural for you to feel bitter towards them. The fact that you are even wondering if you are being rude shows that you are not as bad a person as they make you out to be.
    Reply to their queries with one word answers , be a decent host when they visit. That involves making sure they have decent food on the table, warm blankets, towels and soap in the bathroom. But beyond that don’t cater to them . They don’t deserve it. Specially for telling your husband not to trust you.
    It’s your house you be in control. Don’t give them a chance to be sarcastic and the only way that can happen is if you don’t talk to them much . So give that one word answer and move on to your next task or next room.
    It’s most important that you not let the bitterness takeover your life. You don’t have to forgive them but don’t let them take over your peace of mind.
    Take that guilt , wrap it in a newspaper and put in the trash. They should be guilty , not you. You are a normal human being reacting to how they treat you. Take care !!
     
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  7. Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    No you're not rude. You know what look after yourself. Keep busy. Make new friends. Find a hobby so they dont take up your time. Meet new friends so your mind is distracted. They sound evil. They should be nice as in old age (I've seen many cases) where MIL and FIL are dependent on DIL and guess what some dont want to look after them after the abuse they've recieved. I find this behaviour disgusting (the way inlaws treat DILs).

    A DIL has no duty to look after her husbands parents but she does so in the kindness of her own heart. A women is there to be love and cherished not abused.
     

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