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Inlaws Responsibilty On Younger Dil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pni, Jun 22, 2020.

  1. pni

    pni Senior IL'ite

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    Are always elder Dils relieved from in-laws responsibilities in later stage of their life for the reason they suffered very much in the beginning. Their husband also supporting them like, I can't tell her to care my parent. Every Dils suffer during initial stage, then they somehow adjust with mils, care them. what's special abt elder Dil not adjusting till the end.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly ..I don’t think that is true and we cannot generalize.
    I am the elder DIL and thankfully my co sister is quite a nice person.
    My in-laws made it clear that they will stay only with me coz am more soft spoken and will tolerate her.

    First thing she told me when my bro in law got married was that I have to adjust with my co sister coz am the elder one.

    Again my god’s grace my co sis is a decent person so my life is okay
     
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  3. pni

    pni Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Anika, You are blessed to have such relatives. What u hv written s new to me. Anyways happy for you.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you but it took some hard work.

    In my case,my co sister’s friends during the time of her wedding had said something wrong about me (they do not even know me) coz we were close to same age group and wanted my co sis to be wary of me.

    I always try to extend friendship.Both my bro in law and sis in law were mean initially but I was calm and they realized they did it coz of insecurity.Once that was over,we are able to maintain a cordial relationship.

    Sometimes we all have perceptions and insecurities and think of another person as wrong without empathizing.

    It is not easy but if we try to take the first step..wonders could happen:)
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
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  5. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Not always and doesnt happen with many families infact. I am the elder DIL and have taken maximum torture from inlaws including BIL. Now that things are quite bitter between me and my MIL, hence MIL is ultra nice with cosis. She is always extremely sweet with her and so is cosis though she doesnt like MIL.
    Yes, elder DIL takes more of blows as she is test fire. Later to some extent MILs also would learn their lessons and would not do the same mistakes with the younger DIL. I have seen this trend in many families.
    That doesnt mean that younger DILs dont suffer. They will have their share of sufferings too.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    That’s true
     
  7. pni

    pni Senior IL'ite

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    Hi preeti6years, I don't know to agree or not, but cosis said same when I was ne
    new to the family dat she is not for hiring me like she suffered. Even I suffered but patched later with them. In-laws treated me nicely and bcz of that they want to stay with only me. But this lady is not patching at all with anyone from our side and mil side. My husband also said, she doesn't like him at all so keep distance. My husband is also irritated seeing bil watching everything and supporting his wife. Once he said that he didn't support his wife like you did, so she is taking revenge on him and so he is not asking favour for mil from her. Relatives also taking side, elder Dil suffer more so they don't mingle with in-laws family till end. It's their personality, not becoz they suffered, all dils suffer, but they giveup after some years
     
  8. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Me and my cosis are in good terms though me and BIL dont talk to each other.
    Your cosis might have had lion share of the sufferings and so the she has the bitterness still in her. It could not only be because of MILs behavior, but also having nobody in her new house to support her. Also it depends on how husbands see things from their point of view. Also BIL gets a chance to see his mom as a MIL first even before getting married and hence they know how to balance things in between. I am not judging right or wrong here. Its just the scenarios.
    Same happened in my case. My BIL who supported his mom when she was torturing me like anything, has told my cosis that his mom did few things to me which is not acceptable, which is clearly double standards.
    Now that BIL knows what MILs does, he cleverly manages both MIL and wife and wins brownies on both sides.
    He takes extreme care and sees to it both his wife and MIL are in good terms.
    Thankfully my DH who has realised his mistakes in this regard atleast doesnt force me to gel with neither MIL or BIL.
     

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