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Inlaws now hinting at us returning to India

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Jas8085, Oct 18, 2015.

  1. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    Some of you already know the background info.

    Background: Inlaws (esp mil and sil2) were horrible to me when we lived in India for 2yrs after marriage. We lived in the same city but not in the same house - but they still managed to control my husband so much and cause terrible fights. I concieved accidentally in this mess and they increased their harassment 10x. Sil2 was not married then. She was extremely jealous of me particularly because I was more educated and had a well paying job. She used to gang up with mil and make my life miserable. After 2 yrs we moved to US and I cut them off. I refused to give them access to DS too. I had to fight massive battles with H for this and I can never forgive DH for ganging up with them during the most trying times of my life. SIL2 got married last year and she still has jealousy issues. her dh makes 6 figure money but she always comparing. DH and I are both work full time, so we make significantly more.

    Now: We lived in US for 4yrs and moved to London last year. Inlaws never visited us in the US. They are now visiting us. I had no contacts /no talking for over 4+ yrs now. They started being really nice and very supportive. Looking after DS, telling me to take rest etc. I was VERY uncomfortable with this sudden fake change. We are US citizens. Everytime FIL asked me about our plans to return, I told him I dont know. You should see his face drowning in disappointment that im not saying when we will return to India.
    They have no health issues. Totally fine now. They are extremely bored in life (even here with us) and have empty nest syndrome. FIL told us one day - earn x amount and come back.
    I just dont understand how they think PRETENDING to be nice will wipe out all the hurt and misery they caused. They are fine health wise - so what will change is we move back to India? This SIL2 bitch is slowly stirring this because she somehow whats us to have less than her (quality of life, money, her kids getting better education etc).
    DH is completely blind again because they are PRETENDING to be really nice. He thinks we should move back in 3-4 yrs. I am thinking when they are both alive and there for each other, what will we do by going there? They have hired help for everything. If they dont know how to keep themselves entertained, should i give up my job, uproot my home and go there to entertain?

    In all this, SIL1 and SIL2 are very quiet. Why cant they move back to entertain parenrs for a while??

    Inlaws are leaving this weekend. Asking us repeatedly and brainwashing DH to come back. FOR WHAT???
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So you know now why they were being nice.
    Once again striking when you are most vulnerable.....only this time the methods are different.
    I would advice you to put up your shield before they leave.Let them know you are not fooled.Let them behave nicely for a long time before you remove that shield again.

    If I were in your place...I would quietly tell them not to spoil the second pregnancy experience too.
     
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  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, You need to take a stand. Don't return under pressure ever. Soon resentment sets in. Move becoz you want to . Otherwise let it fall to deaf ears.

    Your in laws and SIL may not be much different from mine. The only difference is my SIL wants to control everybody in our house and her in laws. Its always come back story from in laws. I put my foot down and told my hubby if he wants to move he can but I wont join him. That made him see sense and all this drama of come back stopped.

    You need to take a stand . Cut your in laws off bluntly. Not that , it will stop them. But it will show them you wont budge. I suggest you give back to your SIL if she talks such things to you. Its better to lash out than have pent up frustration.Good Luck.
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignore, ignore, ignore!
    Don't entertain any of their talks: no answering them or trying to reason with them. If you must say something say that you will decide based on what is best for your immediate family.
    Just give them the cold shoulder for the rest of their stay. Clearly the leopard hasn't changed it's spots.
     
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  5. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    I HAD TO be nice to them. DH would be massively pissed off if i wasnt nice to them He even threatened to be mean to my parents when they come for the delivery.

    I feel like throwing up when they tell me good things, be really sweet to me. Consistent good behaviour for nearly 6 months! DH says "They are behaving with you. You better shut up and behave"

    Its like i have no choice. They are nasty to me when they like it and then they suddenly decide to be nice and i HAVE TO be nice! its so suffocating to not be able to tell them tp bugger off :(
     
  6. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    Text book perfect behaviour this time. No taunting, no creating fights, no cribbing. Th ey changed all the routine for DS, re arranged my kitchen and other small things. All this while asking me to take rest.

    To summarise, i cant point a finger at them - according to DH i have no reasons to continue to cut them off from my life. Old things dont matter to DH. Its as if it all never happened.

    I was only nice to them. In these 6 months, i didnt speak once to SIL2. I never met or spoke to her DH. Even then inlaws said nothing. Within 2 months of me being preg, SIL2 got pregnant. I was expecting this to happen anyway. Some competition?? Anyway, I dont care much.

    They nicely asked DH to let me go to India alone (with 2 kids) and he go to US to meet SIL2s baby. SIL2 will now want to make her baby more important for MY DH.

    **** THEY CAN COME UP WITH - Its infinite really!!
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    No problems jas....just enjoy the good behavior. They will soon leave.Don't commit to anything....to them or to your husband.

    Enjoy your time with the babies and your parents.
    You have plenty of time to observe these people and plenty of time to make your mind.

    Have your baby,get independent again....get good daycare support for the children so you don't depend on anyone. Then when you are no longer vulnerable and dependent,take whatever stand you want to take.

    Don't worry yourself over something that is years away ...and that is partly in your hands.
     
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  8. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reassurance yellowmango. My job is Gods blessing to me. I will NEVER depend on my husband. They (incl DH) will walk all over me. Im starting maternity leave in december and i plan to take a year off. I saved enough to comfortably run the house for 3 yrs. So, if DH acts funny, im financially prepared to move out and live on my own. Mental preps, its never easy. But after DH ganged up with his folks, i lost it for him. I dont think i can ever forgive him. I hate xxx. Concieving this second baby was such a chore!!
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Just cool down jas.....nothing is happening for a long time now. For now...just think about your lovely baby. Don't hate your hubby for now...may be he genuinely believes they have changed. Give this time......for now just breathe ,cool down and enjoy your pregnancy.

    Hugs dear.....chill.
     
  10. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    let them keep hinting. you don't take the hint. give vague answers. 'who know', 'too much to think . put your foot down when H comes to discuss. non negotiable. end of story and repeat that.
     
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