Inlaws demanding a second wedding ceremony!

But we never planned on going to their house. Already his parents told me that ex came to the house as a new bride and "it was like welcoming a Goddess"... so I'm absolutely not interested in visiting their house and getting sucked into that emotional garbage. They are more than welcome to contact 'the Goddess' who is currently residing in New York, and maybe they can get her to visit. But I DONT WANT TO!!! And my dh is not going to even try to make me. So if we go on vacation... what could happen?

Yes, that is why I think you are right and that I should say NO to this wedding drama. In fact if we plan on going to India for sight seeing tourist stuff, I think it's best if we go after the cousin's wedding is over so I won't have to see any of his family members at all.

So do you think he would force me??? OMG!! That would be horrible. Even if he requested... couldn't I just say NO? He's not like a King who can chop off my head if I say 'no', right? If he ever pushed me into a situation with his parents again, where I felt like my life was in danger, it would be the end of our marriage. I love him A LOT, but I love being alive much more.

What is best solution then... have him go to India by himself to see his parents, and then us go together at a later time? I think that's reasonable. That way when he is at parents place, I'm in US. And when we are in India, I won't be left alone or pressurized to see his parents. Actually, I don't think he's interested in spending all that money to JUST see his parents.... I think he was only planning on seeing them if it fit into our vacation itinerary.

Probably my inlaws realize they are not on our priority list of 'things to see', and hence came up with this big wedding drama to try and get us to spend time with them. They like me because I'm like a punching bag. My mil is like a rabid chimp... if she doesn't sink her teeth into somebody at least couple times a year, she goes nuts. So I think she's just salivating at the thought of 1) seeing her son and 2) ripping me apart.

Scary.

 

Hey Rihana old buddy!

Yeah, he was shocked... but not in a "wow this is great" way. I mean, at first he thought it was kind of nice, but then he looked like he was thinking about it and got kind of weirded out. And as soon as he heard it from them, I heard him tell his parents it was all up to me.

My dh wants to give me the romantic day he thought I deserved to have on our wedding day. But that doesn't necessarily include a big Hindu ceremony in which I'm dressed up to look like a replica Rajasthani bride. In fact he would probably HATE that. His family pushed him to have the big wedding the first time, and he is not keen on it for a second time because he hates all the ego issues involved in a 'big wedding'. I think he would be just as happy getting married/renew vows with just the two of us and taking me on a honeymoon trip. Like I said in another post, HE'S not the one wanting the wedding.... he THINKS I'm the one who WANTS it, and hence is trying to make ME happy. So if I say 'no', it's not going to break his heart. I've already decided to say 'no' to this wedding drama with the inlaws because 1) I'm scared for my safety and that comes first and 2) why would I want to remind him of his first wedding ceremony? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable for both me and him? I think the time and place for red garagara cholis is in the past. We've been married for over 3 years now... so why bring up painful rituals?

So they can start their 'we paid for your "wedding", now we deserve to live with you and be taken care of' crap? No thanks.

I mean, what was your gut reaction Rihana? Didn't you think this was a little odd coming from THEM? The same people who just like, two weeks ago staged this whole Shobana incident?

 

You are right Sunny. You are right. After what you have said, I don't think it would be wise for me to put my dh to the test.... yet. Like you said, we need to build up more trust between us. I DO trust him.... but his parents are a very strong wedge between us... and who knows to what lengths they would go to in India? And who knows... maybe they would convince my dh to bring me to a certian location and then *bam* they'd be there waiting. I'm 90% sure my dh would not force his parents on me. But that 10% is what worries me.

I used to have nightmares about them. In the year or so after they left, I used to have dreams of myself in a coffin box or about to get burnt in incinerator because I was dreaming I was dead because of them.... and I would get dreams of my mil snarling her yellow teeth at me, or me walking into the bathroom at my old apartment and my mil would be waiting in the shower stall to get me. Then because of all the lovey dovey details about ex and my dh, I'd have dreams where I was at their wedding watching my dh dump me to get remarried to ex. Pretty much the bad dreams have gone away now. Also, they tried to come here for a second visit, and hearing that I had an extreme panic attack and an ambulance had to come help me breath. I feel I'm stronger since then..... a lot stronger.... but you're right... I probably should wait some more years before visiting India or placing myself on the same continent as them. I don't want to have a mental snap and go back to how I felt when I first went through the abuse.

Thanks for explaining things to me.... after thinking about what you have said, it makes a lot of sense.