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Inlaws complaining to DIL's Parents about her

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Maneesha, Jan 26, 2010.

  1. Maneesha

    Maneesha New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Tell me what do you think about inlaws complaining to DIL's Parents about something she did or said.

    The other day i was talking to one of my cousin and she told me her inlaws do it even after 10-12 years of marriage. Even i heard the stories of my SIL's inlaws doing it. It seems very common practice in our country.

    Do not you think that rather than running to DIL's house to do complain, they should resolve the matter within their family.

    Please share if this has happened to you and how you dealt with it.

    --Mani
     
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  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I think this is a prevalant practise in arranged marriages.. where oldies fail to understand that the son & DIL are grown ups or have any say in their own marriages & the elders are whole and sole owners to decision making and its outcome.

    They love to humiliate not only the gal but also her parents & its supported by parents who dont defend their daughter strongly for the very first incident itself.

    Finally even today indian marriages are not abu just 2 ppl entering into it.. but abu 2 families to keep warring & never let husb wife ever resolve their issues.
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    my parents and in laws dont have a proper communication between them so no they never talked about my behaviour in front of parents..and i am not a person who takes it too.we are not small kids where you complain to teacher everyday..
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Yeah My in-laws do complain to my parents about me. My parents usually just listen and most of the time don't even tell me.

    When I get to know about it, I just yell at DH and give him a earful and then just move on. I never confront them since that would pave way for another sermon from them. So I just ignore and act as if I didn't know that they complained about me to my parents.

    Hence they are usually fighting against a wall in my case. Since I never talk back, fight, argue or reason with them directly. Always keep mum and talk very very less to them and put them in their place.
     
  5. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    same in my case. WHen ever my MIl meets my mom all she does is complain about me. My mom get tired of her. My mom tells me all the time. Now I strictly told my mom if she complains about me to you , you either tell her to stop or dont inform it to me . I dont need those information. ....
     
  6. vimala1957

    vimala1957 Bronze IL'ite

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    This is because they think DILs are things and not human beings. They can always complain to the shopkeeper from whom they got it (because they treat her as a thing) just as one would keep complaining to a TV dealer or a refrigerator dealer that their product is having problem no matter how many years old.

    But the same people would react differently when they receive complaints about their daughters from their sambandhis.

    Why Ils, I have seen even the Dhs calling up their inlaws every now and then to complain about the wife because it is their daughter, even after 25 - 30 years of marriage, they still think that the wife is the parents liability.

    God knows when things would change. But they are really pathetic. I have seen children witnessing their father call up the maternal Grandparents to complain about their mother.

    Well, I only wish every woman is treated like a human being.
     
  7. Shilpa23

    Shilpa23 Senior IL'ite

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    My inlaws also do complaint about me to my father.I give this back to my husband.He just listens and ignores me.I just stopped talking to my inlaws unecessarily .I call them when it is some festival.Otherwise I won't.I am giving least preference to them in my life.
     
  8. ramyagiri

    ramyagiri Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    nice thread!!! its a common thing. but there has to be an end for this! like they say we should never let go things whatever happens in our i mean inlaws house. it should remain inbetween 4 walls. dont you think it is applicable for the elders too. why dont they understand that we are from diff family and will take some time to adjust, to learn their way!

    i had the same prob. my MIL used to call up my mom and complaint small issues. and vice versa too abt my parents. for few years i was just listening both ways. side by poor DH had earful from me but of no use. As years passed on, my MIL came to know that i dont listen to anyone and do whatever i want and stopped complaining.

    one question:

    Did anyone complain of ur DH to ur IL :hide: ... i think we can start a new thread on this and see the response :rotfl
     
  9. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    hi

    good topic to discuss

    even my inlaws do this even now afer 7 yrs of mrg, they wont do in phone. But when my parents come, and when i was not there, they will say to my parents, ur daughter do this that...

    Even i ignore, bcoz, i feel they should say anything directly to me, and clarify the matter.

    Does ever our brides parent complain about their son to them ?????? Think about this. that must be only 1 % or no case like this.
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    It's a common thing. My mil tried to call up my mom to complain about me, my mom told her she was "not interested to interfere in our problems" and ended the call. Then my mil sent her a nasty e-mail, so my mom sent her an e-mail back giving her two swift kicks. When my mil continued to harrass my mom, my mom blocked her e-mail address. Now my mil doesn't dare try to complain about me to my family... because she knows it'll just be a big waste of time and nobody is willing to listen to her.

    Inlaws can only do all this nonsense if our parents let them. Yes, inlaws can call and start trouble... but where is OUR family's sense to allow it? I think both family's need to stay out of each other's business.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2010

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