inlaws complaining to all

Aimi · Nov 2, 2015

Hello,

I had posted earlier about how my inlaws bitch about me (talk badly) to all, and even went to my ancestral house bitching about me. When I & hubby went to inlaws home and confronted them about it, inlaws said they will hit me, call police, put me in jail etc...

Inlaws are continuing the same behaviour of bitching about me everywhere. Its becoming very stressfull as wherever I go, eg, functions/parties or meet relatives, people tell me indirectly that my inlaws were back-stabbing me. I am unable to reply to people when they say this as it will get very ugly.

Also, inlaws tell everyone that I dont come to their house. People do not know that when I go there inlaws say they will hit me, call police etc, so am unable to go to inlaws house. I am unable to tell people and justify why I dont go there as its embarassing to talk about all this to everyone. However, now I am looking like the villain to everyone as "I dont even visit my inlaws".

Experienced and wise members of this board, please tell me how to handle this. This situation is very stressful for me.

guesshoo · Nov 2, 2015

Do you think it is your fault? I am certain you don't believe that. So don't reacts don't let it bother you. The others who may be judging you do so because they haven't walked in your shoes. There must also be understanding people who will know there must be another side to the story.

So you need to combat this with attitude. When someone indicates to you that your ILs are bad mouthing you, grimace and say, I wish things werent so bad either and change the topic. If you act in a dignified but unapologetic manner no one can touch you.

Keet · Nov 3, 2015

If their back stabbing is stressing you that much, avoid going to functions related to in-laws and people known to them. Totally avoid meeting people known or related to in-laws. Instead create your own circle of friends unrelated to in-laws. Meet them and try to attend their functions. You cannot put plaster to some ones mouth, but you can wear an ear plug or move away far away such that you don't hear their voice.

sindmani · Nov 3, 2015

Dear op. Dont care what others think about u. As guesshoo rightly said it is not ur fault. Do what u think is best for u.

yellowmango · Nov 3, 2015

Why are you embarrassed?
Next time some one questions you ,just tell them you are unable to go to in laws house because they have threatened to hit you and make false police complaints...so you are scared of them.

Let them deal with the aftermath.You are not telling any lies.

pinky2cute · Nov 3, 2015

I second yellowmango. When the doers are not ashamed then why the victim be embarassed about something which you're not reaponsible for in the first place.

If they ask, tell the truth that your MIL has verbally abused you and threatened to physically abuse you and hence you had to retain your selfrespect than be their victim.

coolgal123 · Nov 4, 2015

Telling directly that in-laws had been bad to dil hence dil is not going to in-laws place, doesn't work in our society set up, especially for the person who is already affected by people talking....this direct confession will give birth to more rumors hence more talking and more people will talk to op regarding this....
Better is to smile and say you must have some misunderstanding....I don't know why you are saying such things....and then change the topic....
If somebody still insists then say If it is true then I really don't know why my in-laws are saying such things....

iamnidhi · Nov 5, 2015

Well why don't you tell people if they ask why are you are not going. Tell about abuse. If your IL's are also not telling family matter outside then I would have suggested don't make it public, but they are spreading bad things about you and saying nothing means you are accepting it.

People are asking because you IL told them and you are telling truth and not man ki bani kahani.

Let the truth shine.