Inlaws and parents in same city. Some questions!

My Parents and InLaws are in the same city.
1. When we land in the airport , where do you guys go INLaws place or parents home, if you have come without DH

Did your inlaws/husband insist that you have to go to inlaws house? If not go to your parents place as you went to India for your sisters wedding. After relaxing for a while, visit your inlaws house. Be there and tell them that after the wedding you would come and stay with them.

3. Festivals , where do you celebrate. Celebrate in in laws house nad go visit parents or DH stays at in laws and u stay at parents house.

If your husband is with you, please be at inlaws house. Celebrate hte festival there at inlaws house and tell your husband that you both would go to visit your parents in the evening. Just a quick visit should be fine too. Festivals are happy times so meeting friends, family is a very regular thing so after the pooja etc at your inlaws, ask your husband to take you to your parents where both of you can take your parents blessings also.

4. When you leave, so you leave from in laws place or ur parents ?How do you do it?

If you go to your parents house when you land in India, best thing to do is see which is feasible. ARe your inlaws active enough to drop you at the airport or help you with the shopping or packing etc? Also in your case as your sisters wedding is a big task at hand your parents would be super busy with all that, isnt it another stressful thing for you to ask them to take care of your shopping and packing and dropping at airport? Best thing is ask your inlaws ....is it ok if I go to airport directly from my parents house?

Also is your husband going to be with you while you are going back? If yes then you have to be with him wherever he is..dont pick on where you have to be. Whereever he is be with him and go to airport from that place
5. Where do you keep your jewellery? With parents or inlaws.

No one! Keep the jewellery with you. You are not a kid. You should be able to manage your own clothes and jewellery. If you are taking it out of a locker manage it on your own, and the day before you coming back to US again put them in the locker.

You have to understand that you are not a mommys girl or daddys baby anymore. You are grownup. You are married. You are managing your house by yourself in US. So if you act like grownup, people would start giving respect to you and you would have less problems. No one should take care of your personal items except your own self. No one should tell you what you have to do, everyone can suggest but you have to identify whats good an dwhat sbad for you and take a decision. Maintaining balance is the key that too without being stressed out.

 

Excellent suggestions SriVidya, as always...:hatsoff

 

I always wonder Whether we have to teach our Elders, HOW TO TALK! sometimes their words are so nasty whole world can see that except these people.

Might be check with your husband maa..See here the problem is if you dont give it to inlaws, they might create another issue and the fights might escalate to a tug of war. Your husband would also feel irritated with so many things changing at one time. How about get some jewellery to US. Here also you can keep the jewellery in locker and the charges are very minimal too. I would suggest getting atleast halfof the jewellery to Us and rest of it keep it in locker and give the key to MIL.

I really want to see you independant. Slowly cut off these things, make less issues.

 

If your husband does not make a big fuss out of all this and you have his support, I think it's best to keep the keys with your parents. And of course the best thing to do is, like Sri suggested bring them here to US with you.
If your in-laws make a fuss about it, you can politely confront them about their behavior and questions. It seems like they do need a wake up call.

 

I know this is an old issue, but I wanted to get the opinions of the other ILites. What do u do when you land in India? A cousin of mine once said that she would go to her in-laws first, stay htere a couple of days and then go to her parents'. She will be there till her husband joins her. She would leave from her parents' mostly. I have gone to India only twice without my husband. The second time my in-laws were here, so I could go directly to my parents'. But when we go together, we always go to my in-laws' and I have to hear my husband say things like 'good to be back in familiar surroundings etc'... I can accept that he is happy to be back etc, but they expect me to say the same. I cant say that, as ideally I would have liked to go to 'my familiar surroundings'. I dont mind going there, but I cant keep hearing that over and over again.
As for festivals, we have never been there, apart from the first Pongal after our wedding. My mom-in-law insisted that I be there with them. I was there and went to see my parents later. She was not happy about it saying how can you go leaving this house? I have never done all this.. she was with her parents most of the time for the first 6 years of her married life. Her father lived with them for about 13 years after that. Though she has said that she would come here for festivals etc. Her in-laws lived with her for the first 10 months or so. Afterwards they moved out. She used to boast saying that she never left her house to even go see her in-laws. (The house they live in was bought by my dad-in-law). I decided to do that and said that why I should I leave my house here empty and come there?? She hasnt said anything to me, she might have to her son. But this year, we might be in India for Diwali. I know I will be there with my in-laws on Diwali, (that is what my parents want me to do as well). But will I be wrong if I told them that I want to go to my parents' in the evening and stay there for dinner? They dont visit anyone on Diwali (because of their age).

As for the jewels question, before we got married my mom-in-law told me that she has a locker which I could use. It was in my dad-in-law and husband's name. The plan was that I would operate it along with my husband. But when I told my dad, he said dont change it as someone here has to be able to operate it. So let it be as it is. I thought that was right and so told my mom-in-law that. I keep my jewels in that locker. But later on she started complaining saying that the bank is too far and they find it difficult etc. She was saying why did you keep it there? :bonk I told her you asked me to leave it there, and it is your locker, and not something I opened. They had two lockers there and we changed it to one big locker on my husband's and dad-in-law's name( we required a bigger locker). She cried for that saying that her name had to be removed... (she cried when she had to move her clothes from the cupboard in 'our' bedroom, saying that she wanted to keep stuff in all the rooms of 'her' house.. there was no other option for me to keep my clothes). I dont ask her to take anything for me out of the locker. I try and operate it when ever we go there. I also take her to her locker and sort out her jewels. Now she has kept a lot of papers in that account (where my jewels are) and keeps complaining that there is no place for the papers. My mum has an active locker which she doesnt use much and is big enough to keep all my gold and silver. It is a block away from my parents'. She said that I could use that if need be. I told my husband that and he didnt seem too happy about that...he said that I should keep it there in his locker!! What do I do ladies... I am not too happy about this. I want to ideally move it to the locker my mum has. She was plannign to close it and my husband told her not to do so, as we might want to use it. Now she is paying the rent for an empty locker!!

Mythili

 

Ranchhu,

Your suggestion is a good one. As of now our India trip is not confirmed. So I m not going to sweat it till we confirm the plans. As for the locker, they (my in-laws) were the ones who opened the locker arnd 2 years even b4 I got married. They have a locker in a bank near the house. When I suggested that I change my jewels to a new locker in that bank, they said why do u want to move it from there, and you will need to deposit more money etc etc. So I told my DH that we can get amma's locker and use it instead. I m not sure why he is not happy.
As for bringing them here, I used to have them all here. But 2 years back my DH decided that I should leave it there in Chennai. He is not comfortable with having them here. May be I can have a sensible discussion later on...

Mythili