Inlaws and Parent's house in same city

Harumi,

I would think its fair enough to divide your time between parents house and IL's house, as you had said.
Approach your H calmly by pointing out how much you have been missing your home and your parents, and that you would love to be back in your room again for a week's stay.
If possible, try and see if your H can also come along with you.

Another idea is to plan some fun trips..you know..those one day picnics or anyplace where you can bring everyone along, just to get them in a happy mood.

 

Dearest Harumi,

As Santhi suggested, it is completely fair for you to want to spend a week (or even more) at your parents place. It makes more sense for you to discuss it with DH before going to India, so that both are on the same page - this will avoid any misunderstandings later while you are in India. I think you should, in a very calm manner, tell him how much you miss your parents and how you would like to stay back there and feel just like the old times. Mention it to him that you feel very strongly about this and it means a lot to you. Once DH is on your side, it should'nt be hard for him to tell his parents what you both have decided. After all it is your vacation and you both have full rights to decide how you want to spend it. It' so unfortunate that India trips are so anxiety-prone and stressful for so many of us, that we really need a vacation to recover after we get back

Good Luck and Hope things work out the way you want it to....

 

Carpe Diem,

Try suggesting the opposite just to get into the discussion & put across the point, if you feel its OK that I shd spend nites only @ your parents house, why is it not OK for you to do the same, After all the distance is the same going & coming rite??
that shd give him an idea of hoiw one sided 7 Unfair it is, Then say, its not worth our bond to let ' what others think' interfere & then go ahead & just stay put @ yr parents place...
Good luck & have fun in india

 

Harumi ,

Welcome to IL .. Your wishes are very natural.. But think about it.. You husband is not asking you to stay away totally from going to your parents' house .. Maybe he cannot handle the discussions that happen about such things between his parents and relatives. I agree he is a grown up man and has to be reasonable. But I also feel you shouldnt push him too far and make him do things he cannot handle really. This way, tensions are going to be carried back home after your vacation.. You say you are happily married and this is just one issue that creates dilema.. So why trigger it.. Go with the flow.. Stay the entire day at your parents house and leave late night. You have anyways spent most of your time with them as you wished isnt ? It is just about where you sleep.. That 8 hours of closed eyes ! Probably you should go with it.. For all you know, maybe one of the days when your cousins come by he himself will offer to stay with you at your parents' house. It is just a little giving and taking.
Dont spoil your trip and life on a vacation. Have fun today and always ..

Take care

 

Hi Harumi,


In my case once we started staying in hubby's place for the night, It kinda became the unwritten rule, tat every time we go we have to stay in his place( but tat because of my inlaws pressure also). It depends from person to person. If your inlaws are understanding /nice people and if they have a daughter they'll be able to understand the situation better.All of my cousins split their vacations and stay at both places equally . Again it depends on the inlaws.

Try to convince DH first and then ask DH to explain to u'r inlaws calmly tat this visit is different from previous visits(since u started working and cannot stay longer in this economy) and so you'll be dividing the time equally.It's better to tell things advance .

Also there is nothing wrong in telling tat u need to spend night at u'r place. it's your vacation , u deserve to stay in the place where you were bought up and be free to do what you want.

 

Dear Harumi,
I do feel many times that inlaws and parents should not be in the same city. your wishes are really true. Why dont you take what ur husband says stay put the whole day when u will be really in a nice mood with ur parents and by night come back. Any way u will be fast asleep for the 8 hours and will not be speding time usefully. So why trigger unnecessarily and spoil the whole trip. Just for 20 days u r going. Rather u can invite ur parents here and stay with them wholeheartedly. In that way, u will be a nice dil in ur inlaws eyes and a good trip for u too.
Enjoy ur trip to India and have a safe flight

vidhya

 

Hi harumi,
My own personal experience if I stay at my parents place I will talk to my mom especially till late night ( you will be amazed how you don't know some instances even though you talk to them on regular basis)... And enjoy waking up late during morning. which is not possible at my in laws place....Like that you may have some personal preferences to stay at your parents house..... If that is the case tell your husband clearly that you need to spend half the time at your moms place....

 

Hi there, Am surprised we still think and argue about staying at one's parents place.

WHY is it not fair for you to stay in your parents place when he can stay at his parents place for 20 days? Just because you are a woman and you are expected to confirm to the rules that IL's and your husband are demi gods? Argue fair and square...don't lose your temper. Clearly tell your husband that you will stay with your parents overnight and you have every RIGHT to do so like the same way he has rights to stay at his parent's place.
Being married does not remove your rights of being a child to someone. If we keep accepting to all that he says, every other trip to India will be like this....You will always be expected to stay at your ILs.

 

hi

i understand the pressure from you dh parents would be too much
for both of you..because of your short trip.try to convience you dh,for how many ever days you want to stay with your parents, first day drop in the morning and pick up in the night and the second day drop in the evening and pick up in the morning. so on so forth.


vandannav