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Inhumane attitude of MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mimi77, Apr 13, 2013.

  1. swaroo

    swaroo Silver IL'ite

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    Jeez!! Mimi, I really don't know how far all these posts have helped you, but this is surely becoming a debate between most of the people.

    You said that now you're away from your in laws.. so are you staying somewhere else now? Also you said that your DD was 4months old then.. When did this actually happen? Well no matter what or when.. One incident quoted is enough to have a picture of the people. So as far as I have understood, now you've mpoved and living separately. Also you are acting wisely and leading your life. That is more important. And regarding your MIL, you can't do anything except pray that she should change one day. This is the best way, don't react to b******t!
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2013
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  2. shiltalks

    shiltalks Silver IL'ite

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    OP, why don't you just grab your DH's tea, drink it in front of her and then thank her for it. It doesn't look like DH will object, as he knows that what his mom does is not right.
    But I love the suggestions from others where they ask you to pick up tea on the way. I know it is expensive, but maybe for a week or so, you and DH should pick up your tea from a place where they give you 'carry-out' cups. Walk into the house holding them, then calmly tell your MIL that you've had lovely tea, which no one will be able to beat. Don't give DH time to sit down and have the tea MIL made. Hand the baby to him - tell him that you know he is longing to be with the baby after a long day at work and that he can play with the baby while you wash up and grab a snack. Take your time before you start breast feeding. If nothing else, cook up an excuse to get him to your room and keep him occupied for 20 minutes or so.
    I strongly feel that you shouldn't take your MIL's attitude quietly. How long will we DILs keep adjusting? When do we get to live our lives on our terms? Aren't we entitled to some respect and dignity at least in our home? Why is DH anxious about not upsetting his mom, but doesn't care that you are being upset? Aren't you entitled to any emotions or feelings? One thing I have learnt from this site is not to involve DH directly in issues with MIL. So do it in a round-about way where you are making him show his support for you without verbally making any noises. Actions always speak louder than words!
    All the best.... I hope you are able to improve the situation. Let us know how it goes.
     
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  3. TimidlyConfidnt

    TimidlyConfidnt Gold IL'ite

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    How about this - Ask him "Can you share some? " take half before he can react or let him say yes if you know he would. If your MIL fumes and objects...ask DH "Do you mind? I'll make some again later". If she still objects , you can easily tell her " I am sharing my life with him - whats a small cup of tea?". Do this everyday until your MIL sees no other option except to make some for you as well.. Ask your DH to support you on this. Take charge.

    Haven;t read most replies here - so this may have already been suggested.
     
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  4. shiltalks

    shiltalks Silver IL'ite

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    OP, Is this a current situation or something that has happened a few years back? Just wanted to clarify as I thought that I read in an earlier post that you are now in the US. I guess responses can vary based on that.
     
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  5. muyalkutti

    muyalkutti Silver IL'ite

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    c'mon dear.. anyways you and your DH come together... why don't you drink tea outside and relax a while. They can't let it go like this for even a month, either your mil will change or your hubby will be more firm on his stand.

    Stop being a doormat to someone else's ego. Give importance to your health and your baby's health. Please don't ever play a victim role again and don't give power to others to ruin your legitimate happiness.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2013
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  6. theeppori

    theeppori New IL'ite

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    valarppu sariyillai. When you realize that you will get enlightenment, then these things might not bother you.
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    No wonder my mom never let me tch T :coffee m on BLK coffee. No one takes or offers.

    Mimi it hurts.. but when so called "unresolved issues" allow a MIL to behave partial... you have your own reasons to treat her YOUR way... when they're dependent on you.

    I can understand your pain... mine wud do the same when I wud enter home... feed the child she's hngry... I wud feel irritated and then my mom told me.. take the child inside with u with a smile... keep juice tetrapacks stacked on ur bedside... sip on it.. breathe... sip 2-3 more... feed the child... lie down with the child... rest and come out when needed.
    After 2-3 times... MIL began to come back in the room in 5 mins to take the child back... I just fed her.. her stmch is full.. she'll vomit.... I wud feel irritated... then my mom suggested.. give her the child with smile and lie back and finish the tetrapack u started.

    In short some B&^%$#S called MILs want to blow off ur fuses using ur own child, so you need to keep ur cool and smile to blow off theirs. :coffee

    Note when to Buy tetrapacks: weekly grocery min 10 pkts, if they get over then stop the auto/ car/2W on the way... remember u need to be hydrated and nourished before reaching home to avoid the bad taste of partial treatment.
     
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  8. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    what tea-coffee. i would go straigt to the kitchen and drink a tall glass of milk. its very good for lactating mothers ;)
     
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  9. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi I know exactly how you feel because this happens to me all the time, in fact my MIL makes dinner for my DH and son sometimes and nothing for me. The tea thing happens as well. I have learned to pick my battles. Expect nothing from your in laws and you won't be disappointed. It hurt me to no end when my MIL would make tea for everyone but exclude me. My mother said to me you have two hands God has given you make your own tea and food. As well, you can come here and I will make it for you. So from now on I make my own tea, sometimes leave extra from morning and microwave, the days she makes my husband and son dinner I eat light or at my moms, or have take out. I just think that she saved me grocery money by feeding them. Inhuman is correct because it is so rude of her not to make tea for you. Maybe you and your husband should grab tea before you get home. Better yet ignore her demands to breast feed, take 5 mins and make tea for your husband and you only, that way he has tea with you and not them. MY IL would make three cups of tea in morning for MIL FIL and DH. I started making my own tea and some for my husband because they never offered any. Now my DH has tea with me only and they make their own, have your own customs and traditions. Drink tea with your husband and play with son at same time, have your own family time.
     
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  10. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Yes. I have seen few married females do this, where I live in India. Before they reach inlaws home from work, they first dropin at mom's place and have some food. I think this is good idea.
     

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