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Indifference And Unfair????

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by boldnbutiful, May 17, 2017.

  1. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    Your in-laws must have received some gift in the past from the cousin sis side relatives which you might not be aware of. When the appropriate time came they would have just gifted back. It is quite normal. Even if they don't have money they would need to do such things with distant people for society' acceptance. But with their own son they need not be so formal. They can gift whenever they have money. By the way , are they working? May be they would gift their grandchild when they see him in person. You are in 2 different countries right? Yes,it was wrong on their part to ask what your parents are gifting.
     
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  2. boldnbutiful

    boldnbutiful Silver IL'ite

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    yup true I dint confront him with a fear that he would misunderstand me...After Al it's matter of his parents. .that's the reason why I wanted to know if I am over reacting or not....I felt bad for my son being their first grandson and all ...The way they spoke when he was born in fort of relatives etc ...
     
  3. boldnbutiful

    boldnbutiful Silver IL'ite

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    No paru123....they don't give any gifts to my in laws my hubby and mil only told me this...and trust me they don't have money problem.mil herslef told me that they planned well for future and Wil get so and so amount every month which is more than avg2sal of a software employee. .they live in own house and in a place where cost of living isn't too high (not in city but a small town) ...

    Consider ing what they have told me in the past is what is making me feel bad...If they really had a money issue ..I would definitely not feel bad in fact I would return gift them
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Great. You should not confront with your H for this. It is something between him and his parents.
    At this point, we don't know what exactly the communication between them. They may have told him a diff story.

    It is obvious that you feel bad for such differences, but these are something beyond your control.
     
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  5. pinkRoseBud

    pinkRoseBud Gold IL'ite

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    You know what, just be so happy to do this yourself, don't show that you are unhappy that they didn't do it, don't give this topic any importance. Celebrate and show pictures.

    If they lied to make you unhappy, well.., they didn't succeed they will realize that they can't affect your life and stop these cheap acts in the future.

    If they really love your kid then they will be happy. It's a win-win. Don't give the satisfaction of rubbing it on you by gifting your sil
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    It is better not to expect gift from anybody. If someone give gift however small it may be, accepting it with gratitude will be the right way to get some peace. Demanding gift is not good. It should come to us wholeheartedly from the person who give it.

    It is also not good to compare the gift we got / not with others in my opinion. We are not kids. Look like you give too much importance to this. That is why you are feeling upset.

    I feel that they will gift their grandchild when they see him in person (In my case (we are in US) PILS and my parents did that way when we visited them in India). May be that time all these feelings of yours will be washed away.

    If they don't give anything in future, keep that in mind while considering any gift to them in future. Let your dh deal with it, not you. It is better not to make it a big issue and spoil your happiness. Be happy with what you have and enjoy your time with baby.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
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  7. boldnbutiful

    boldnbutiful Silver IL'ite

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    [ QUOTE="DDream, post: 3974722, member: 465831"]It is better not to expect gift from anybody. If someone give gift however small it may be, accepting it with gratitude will be the right way to get some peace. Demanding gift is not good. It should come to us wholeheartedly from the person who give it.

    It is also not good to compare the gift we got / not with others in my opinion. We are not kids. Look like you give too much importance to this. That is why you are feeling upset.

    I feel that they will gift their grandchild when they see him in person (In my case (we are in US) PILS and my parents did that way when we visited them in India). May be that time all these feelings of yours will be washed away.

    If they don't give anything in future, keep that in mind while considering any gift to them in future. Let your dh deal with it, not you. It is better not to make it a big issue and spoil your happiness. Be happy with what you have and enjoy your time with baby.[/QUOTE]
    Hi dream like I already mentioned it's not about gifts. It's about the value my son is having.

    They were here for with us for the initial 3 months after delivery along with mom when my mil made a big speech about traditional values and when asked she was like I want my first grandson to have all customs met etc etc ...but I haven't demanded anything neither from them not from my parents

    The point here is not gifts but the emotions behind them.

    No I am not materialistic my expectations where based on what they spoke
    ...
    now I'm traveling to India next week n till now ny date I suggest in going to their place they give some reason n say dun come....

    m I unreasonable in expecting acceptance from them for me and my son.
     
  8. boldnbutiful

    boldnbutiful Silver IL'ite

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    Yes pinkrosebud... they lie a lot n their love for my son is subjective. .if any relative is their they shower him with love else they won't even lift the call I make to show him
     

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