Indian women can we pursue our dreams

Hi !
Thats a thoughtful subject for debate !
I think most women give up on their dreams very soon, because their priorities shift. What ever we may say, however progressive we have become, for women, especially Indian Women, the family comes first. I cannot say if this is inborn or conditioned . But, "we are like that only".

I think trouble starts when we want everything. A happy family , a profitable career and a dream life. We all have the right to choose any one and pursue it. But not all have the courage to make the choice.

A self sustaining farm sounds like a wonderful goal to aim for. What is tying you down , I think, is your hestitation to put aside the rest of your life and make room for this goal . I know it is impossible, because we women are emotional beings and I feel there;'s nothing wrong in being like that.

I will tell you my own case. After seeing a documentary series on "The Leaky Girls"( Jane Goodall, Diane Fossey and Birute Galdikas), I became obsessed with being an animal conservationist and working in the forest department. I was ready to write exams for that too. I went with Animal census groups, turtle protection trips, everything. My parents did not stop me. But they got me married ! I too agreed because I liked the idea of having my own family and lots of children. My husband too did not stop me from going on forest hikes, but I made my own restrictions. I realised if I wanted to pursue my dream I should not have married at all. It is not fair to be a half-wife, after making the sacred marriage vows, isn't it ? Perhaps later in life, when my duties are done, I can take up the line I missed, provided health permits at that age !

However, there certainly are some women who go ahead and achieve what they want. These are a minority still.

 

Hi Lakshmi,

Very true what you say. A topic that really needs to be thought about. It has touched a very sensitive part of my heart and cannot keep myself from writing.

I think the basic difference in the way a girl and a boy are brought up in Indian society is one big factor that results in this.

We as girls, think of ambition or dreams till we are students, but slowly it all disappears because a girl does not think of herself as an individual entity. She thinks of herself as a daughter, a sister, and then a wife and a DIL, a mother and starts playing these roles forgetting her own self. Her dreams are left away and she starts nurturing the dreams of her family members and tries her best to contribute to make their dreams come true, be it a father , or a brother or a husband or her children.

Well, it has it pros and cons. I have lived a life like this. I was a very brilliant student, studied in a co-education school. So as toppers in class, whenever any teacher asked for what our ambition was, it used to be similar to the boys - like becoming a doctor. I did dream of that. But it did not happen because my father thought that if I went for that, by the time I completed my studies, _ the first thing would be I would become too old to get married and second, it would be difficult to find a match with equal qualification in our community. Though I had all the things required to become a doctor, I was refused and not once did I dare to talk to him again about my dream.

Then in College- only PUC(equalent to today's +2) I took up Maths , Physics, Chemistry, and was among the top scorers in all subjects. But after that there was a full stop to my education. My dream of becoming a doctor all shattered, but not a word of complain because I though of myself as an obedient daughter- a very short sighted notion. I really regret for having been like that.

Anyway, that is just one example, but a real big factor, that simply changed my life and slowly the dreams started getting smaller, lower, weaker and all gone. Whatever I did was for someone or the other, trying to maintain the good name of both the families- parent's and inlaw's. Faced a lot of good and bad, ups and lows, sweet and sours, etc.. I am sure that had I become a doctor, life would have been different, I won't say good or bad, but at least a dream fulfilled. NO hobbies, no self interests- life was like that, but was still trying to feel happy about everything.

Now, when the children have grown up and they have known me for what I am, have pushed me and encouraged me to pursue my hobbies of art and reading. For last about 3 years, I am fully involved in it and have converted my hobby to profession. They have taught me to think about myself as an individual also apart from all other roles that I have. I do feel good. but the regret of not being able to study further would never go because today I can see my class mates and schoolmates with whom I used to be an intelligent competitor, as Doctors- of Country fame and world fame, IAS officer, and engineers who have achieved their dreams.

Well, I wish things change, I do not know how because everyone has their own circumstances and environments and reasons. The transition is going on. I wish the best to all girls and women to dream and achieve their dreams.

 

Hey I think i was really lucky... my dad was my main support to fulfill my dream to be an architect... luckily for me my DH (who is also an architect) and inlaws also feel that i should be pursuing my career. I did take a short break for 3 years when my son was born and then with much persuasion from my DH and assurance from my current employer that at no point will my family be second in priority list I went back to work. there has been no looking back from that point onwards. I love my job/ my work/ my project. Am in charge of the branch here in bangalore and have full support from my employer.
There are many other dreams and hobbies which i would like to pursue but i think they will have to wait till my son finishes his 12th std so that i am then free of all my responsibilities (another 6 years)
I plan to start the next stage in my life at 50 years.
K

 

Hi K,

Happy really that you are one among those girls who achieved what they want. Good that you are doing justice to the family needs. Keep it up and may every girl be as lucky as you.

btw, if you do not mind, may I ask why is this name you have selected-"feduptocore"?

 

Thanks Lakshmi, for appreciating my work.
True, every painting I complete gives me an inner satisfaction, a feeling that I really relish. I am happy that I am able to use my time usefully and happily.