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Indian Women and Western Men

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ThousandPercent, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. ThousandPercent

    ThousandPercent New IL'ite

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    I want to know what Indian women think about marrying Western men? Do you think you can be happy? Do you think your family or friends will be pleased or not? Are there reasons you like the idea? Are there reasons you think it is a bad idea?
     
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  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Love Marriage - doesn't need to think on any lines.

    Arranged Marriage -few ques
    Western born nd brought up Indian or nonIndian roots?
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2010
  3. ThousandPercent

    ThousandPercent New IL'ite

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    I am thinking of white men from Europe or North America. Do Indian women think about these men as husband potential. Why and why not, of course. Is this man attractive? Can they be happy after married? Are there problems with the family and friends?
     
  4. Umlaut

    Umlaut Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Thousand,

    Keep in mind that my answer is based on the interactions I have had with people with a certain level of education who I met in the W European town that I live in and therefore is not representative of all Indian women in general. Moreover, single Indian women are a rarity in my town as most Indian women are married and live here on spouse visas.

    From among the small minority of single Indian women, students mostly, a large fraction prefer an arranged marriage to a person who their parents would have chosen.

    Those single Indian women who would like to make their own choice of their life partner generally had a "type" of partner in mind. It did not matter which country the man belonged to as long as he was their "type", meaning he had a certain educational background, values they are comfortable with etc.

    A good friend of mine (Indian) is getting married to her European boyfriend. According to her, her family had no problem accepting their relationship. And we as friends, of course, wished them well right from the start. Another Indian girl who I knew, had an European boyfriend who broke up with her for the lame reason that she had to go away from Europe for a year of field work. Now she is wary of dating another European man because she has formed the opinion that most men here are shallow and look for only short term relationships.

    I don't know if this answers your questions. But I tried!
     
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  5. Manaswini08

    Manaswini08 Bronze IL'ite

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    A marriage is a marriage...with ups and downs....fights, arguements, love, lust, problems with inlaws....everything goes into it regardless of being Eastern or Western.

    As long as the couple are happy with each other and are willing to let go of the small problems that arise in life, they will be happy and attracted to each other.
     
  6. april1981

    april1981 Gold IL'ite

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    As far as Indians are concerned we are brought up in a certain manner as regards to traditions , eating habits culture etc; . We can't get into a marriage thinking that the other person is going to change for us. Certain adjustments from our side is also imp and this applies to indian men as well but as far as westeners are concerned there is a whole lot of culture gap which has to be overcome.
    I don't know whether I have answered your question, but this is my opinion.
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    If you look in the New York Times weekend weddings/celebrations section, you often see Indian woman/White man couples. I've also seen Indian man/white woman couples. Maybe a month or two ago, I remember seeing an Indian man with a black woman and an Indian woman with a Chinese man.

    When me and my dh visited Washington DC for vacation a couple of years ago, we saw a lot of interracial couples.

    All of the above seemed happy.

    I think it's the people in the relationship who make it work, not the skin color or cultural background. For some, Indian culture is the center of their life... their identity comes from fitting into the different Indian functions, traditions, speaking the language, etc. Then there are others who belong to their culture, but don't let it define all of who they are. So I guess somebody who lives and breathes Indian culture, may not adapt well to a western man/woman since there would be a lot of cultural differences. But somebody who is open to learning about another culture and accepting differences in stride, won't find it too difficult to marry a western man/woman.

    My dh's cousin sister is marrying a white British fellow next year. However, she is not a big follower of Indian culture, so she doesn't mind having a spouse who is only a little familiar with her family's traditions. Although her parents are Indian, she calls herself a Britisher and is very westernized. So for her, it probably doesn't even feel like Indian woman marrying a British man. More like, two people just fallen in love and getting married.
     
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  8. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    I have a friend who is married to an American guy whom she met in college. They are happy comparatively. She said that her husband is very loving, supportive and caring. She always wanted to have a love marriage and did not like the idea of arranged marriage. But never thought she would marry an American. But her marriage is great and I am happy for her.

    I am thinking its the couples no matter what nationality is responsible for the success and failure of a marriage. In laws, money, personality differences can always be solved if the couples stand by each and be supportive.
     
  9. auspiciousGirl

    auspiciousGirl New IL'ite

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    I am an American woman who has married an Indian man. Had he been super traditional, we would have had problems. If I had not been open minded, we would have also had problems. That said, with the exception of a few things that we have encountered, there has been no major issues. We were both VERY lucky that our families were completely accepting and like us.

    Some things that I think made it easier for us:
    1.) My husband has been in the states for over a decade. He is very much immersed in western culture. Had roles been reversed (me living in India), I suspect that I would have been immersed in Indian culture and would have had similar understandings.
    2.) He has a very kind and loving family. They all live in India, but his parents have come here (before our marriage) and I visited over there. They saw that I was more than willing to put forth tremendous effort. They, in turn, did the same for me. My family was the same towards him and accepted him immediately.
    3.) We are both very open minded. When there are difference that we simply don't subscribe to of the other person's culture, we both agree that even though we don't understand or believe the same thing, we will be respectful of the other.
    4.) Neither one of us is religious.
    5.) Neither one of us is completely vegetarian.
    6.) Even being from different cultures, we have many same core beliefs: importance of family, eduction, same political views, etc..

    There is probably more, but that's all I can think of for now. I know it doesn't answer your question exactly, but hopefully it helps.
     
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  10. Omni

    Omni New IL'ite

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    I'm an Indian woman, born and raised in Bangalore, who is engaged to a Scottish man. I think that religion is a much more significant barrier than culture in today's globalized world. When you aren't religious, the cultural differences are not that difficult to overcome, especially if the couple is broad-minded.

    Yes, there are adjustments to be made, but as long as they are equitable and both partners' cultures are respected, I don't think that it is a problem. It's not a question of giving up your culture, but rather being able to share and participate in two cultures, which is lovely. I personally enjoy it, because it gives me an opportunity to make the best of both worlds and participate meaningfully in two sets of festivals and customs.

    I feel that there is bound to be more friction in an Indian Man-Western woman coupling, as there is the question of traditional Indian expectations of a woman, the man's parents and the joint family system, whereas it is easier for an Indian woman, as Europe and America have far more individualistic cultures, and the parents of an Indian bride are unlikely to make such demands of their son-in-law.

    Ofcourse, parental approval can still be a major stumbling block (as I am discovering)!

    Reasons I like the idea: You cannot generalize all men of a country, but I think that many of the qualities that I find attractive about my fiance, such as his old-fashioned chivalry (holding doors open, carrying shopping bags), his outdoor hobbies (gardening, fishing, running), his typically British sense of humour, his willingess to contribute equally in domestic life and his self-deprecating attitude are in some way a function of his cultural upbringing.

    Reasons I do not like the idea: It's difficult to convince family! :(
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2014
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