Indian males more sexually violent

Discussion in 'News & Politics' started by drjp, Mar 7, 2011.

  1. drjp

    drjp Senior IL'ite

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    Read this article on TOI, got me thinking!!!

    Indian men lead in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study - The Times of India

    There is so much truth to this!!
    I being the only daughter in my house after many boys, was treated like a princesses. The same brothers had different rules for their wives.

    We are a country that looks at issues like, "I am happy for that progressive woman, I am glad she is not my WIFE or my DIL".

    Wonder what is causing this?
    My theory is....it is the mothers. The mothers that feed in hypocrisy!!!!
    Hopefully, our generation of mothers will be able to instill the non-hypo-critic values in our sons!!!

    Would love to hear from you guys.
    drp
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmm...Indian men are no saints but I am wary of this survey.
    "In the survey, which found Indian men to be the worst offenders in terms of sexual violence, more than 1,000 men from the 1,500 interviewed in India were from Delhi."

    1500 men of which 1000 from Delhi and they felt that that was a good sample for a country close to a billion people?
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I think some in the older generation have already instilled good values in their sons to treat women right. Not every guy in India is a wife beater or rapist. But it's not just up to the mother's to teach their son's, it's up to wives themselves to pick the right guy and have expectations from him. Looking at bio data and matching star charts isn't enough. If women want a good marriage, they need to take responsibility and get to know the guy BEFORE marrying him and make it clear to him what kind of life she is expecting with him.

    As for having a progressive dil or wife.... I think there is a lot of misconception that 'modern girls' dont have family values and will be a bad influence on the family. You can have very traditional girls who cover their head, sit on the floor, and touch elders feet in front of a crowd... but behind closed doors they may be devils. Same way, a modern girl may not be the stereotypical bahu waiting to serve tea and act coy, but in the end, she could be very sincere and traditional at heart.

    If being 'progressive' means wanting equality in a relationship and love and respect... then I think EVERY woman is progressive at heart. It's just some don't know how to go about changing things.

    Not only do parents have to teach their SON'S a lesson on how to treat women right, parents also need to teach their DAUGHTER'S not to let anyone walk all over them. Also, parents of girls need to look at MORE than just a guys credentials and bank balance. There ARE decent guys out there, but sometimes that is not high on parents priority list. For example, when my dh was going through the arranged marriage process (before he married his ex wife) there was this nice girl from his same community, and the marriage was about to be fixed. The girl was happy to marry my dh, because he was a modern type with liberal values. However the girl's mom wanted to 'shop around' for a guy with a higher income and bigger bank balance (they were looking for a NRI doctor). The girl was broken hearted but nodded her head to her parents wishes. The night before my dh married his ex, the first girl's mother called up apologizing and begging my dh and mil for a second chance saying that her daughter wanted to accept the proposal. But by then my dh was already committed to marrying someone else (his ex). THANK GOD my dh ended up marrying the nasty girl instead of the nice one, else we would probably not be together today. But the moral of the story is, a nice girl missed out on a nice guy, because of parents putting emphasis on money over personality. How many other girls must something like this have happened to? Or how many women meet a guy and KNOW something is weird about him, yet continue the engagment/wedding out of fear of 'calling it off'? There are two people in a marriage.... and if we want things to change, we must look at the gender issues for BOTH the husband and wife. If we expect men to change, shouldn't women also be a part of that?
     
  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    drjp,
    Your first thread after a really long time :thumbsup

    Regarding the original post:
    Surveys and statistics are to be taken with a sack of salt.
    Like JAG, I dont buy this survey one bit. I am not convinced of this survey that there is more sexual violence in Indian origin people. I am sure there are such instances, but I am not convinced on the Indian angle to this in world calculations.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2011
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    In regards to sexual violence, me and a few other Indian girlfriends of mine have been molested by two Indian men in the workplace (restaurant). It was years ago, before I was married. One guy actually whipped out his penis at me and another girl as we were walking through the door way into the kitchen. He grabbed my hand and put it right on his nasty body even though I was screaming for him to stop. And the other jerk continuously grabbed me and another girl's breasts VERY hard and pinched our butts. One time I went to use the women's restroom and the penis guy followed me into the bathroom and blocked me in, asking to do explicit things. This guy was married with two young boys (can you believe it!!!). He then asked me to come to his house to have sex while his wife was gone to India. Little did I know this same guy had been telling my husband that I'm a slut and I had slept with him (the molestor). I told my husband (then boyfriend) about what they were doing, and the very next day the harrassment came to an end. The guy who showed his penis mysteriously had a black eye.... and the butt pincher's hand was bandaged and he just kept mumbling 'sorry sorry'. One of the things that made me fall in love with my husband was, that molestor had been telling lies about me to my dh, and my dh never even questioned or asked me about it because he trusted me and believed in me no matter what. I only found out much later what all the molestors had been saying about me. I will never forgot how much trust my dh put in me.... even before we were married, and even when he barely new me. Even when I'm 90 years old and can't remember my own name, I will ALWAYS remember how much trust my dh had in me, and how he stood up to those guys on behalf of me and the other girls.

    I don't think I have ever shared the above story with ANYONE except for my husband. My parents don't know, not even my other friends know... just me, my dh, and the two other girls involved. Interestingly enough, one of our molestors was from New Delhi, just like the sample population in the article.

    p.s. There was even more harrassment involved, that was just the tip of the iceburg. I came close to telling the owner what his two vile employees were up to, but when I tried, I froze up and burst out crying (I was 17, my girlfriends were 16). That was my last night there before my husband told them I was quitting and he gave me a job at the hotel he was managing. The molestation made me extremely weary of the opposite sex. It was a very long time before I felt comfortable with my dh taking his clothes off in front of me. Believe it or not, for a long time I asked him to keep his jeans and tshirt on in bed because I was so uncomfortable with the idea of sex. Sometimes my dh would just hug me and assure me that 'we didnt have to do anything'. Being sexually harassed is a horrible thing, and as you can see from my story, it has deep and lasting consequences. My heart breaks for anyone else who has to go through it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2011
  6. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    ASG,
    Did you or your boyfriend (now DH) not file criminal charges? Those guys can have been arrested by law enforcement. And they deserved to be arrested.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2011
  7. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    I did read this article I am not aware of any of sexual assaults Committed by indian men but I have witnessed several instances of physical and emotional abuse committed by men even in my own extended and neighbors families. I am not surprised by the findings. Minor physical assaults were considered normal in a marital relationship for example by that IAS officer in UK. I was shocked by the statement issued by the Indian government. Most of the sexual assaults may be committed towards their wife therefore women are not encouraged to report or even complain, even laws may not be enforced in those cases. Did come across men trying to force themselves on to women in a crowded bus, parents bought me a two wheeler to commute. As a young girl it was difficult to commute by public transportation in India, eve teasing was rampant, may be it was fun for boys but not for girls. These boys as men may end up assaulting their wives sexually and physically since none of us stopped them.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2011
  8. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Commercial stuff from commercial newspaper. They have such stuff readymade to fill it when they dont get any news.

    LOL and Delhi men are a different breed. Cant be counted.
     
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Spiderman, no we never filed criminal charges. If this happened to me now adays, I definitely would. I guess at that time I was just really young and embarassed and wanted to run away from the situation. I couldn't even tell the business owner the truth, so how could I come out and tell the police? I wonder wherever they're at, if they're doing the same thing to another girl...
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Ugh, must be. In my case the penis guy was from Delhi and the pinching guy was from Orissa.
     

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