1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Indian Family System

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RadiantCat, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Fully agree. Men blame women that they do not adjust. It is the women who have to live every moment with other unknown women in a joint family. Can the men do the same if they have to leave their houses and live with thier in-laws and be treated the same way as a woman? (Even if some men live with their inlaws they are treated like gods)! It is well known fact that men can not live peacefully with other men; most of the wars in the world are/were between men or women?
     
  2. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Fully agree. Men blame women that they do not adjust. It is the women who have to live every moment with other unknown women in a joint family. Can the men do the same if they have to leave their houses and live with thier in-laws and be treated the same way as a woman? (Even if some men live with their inlaws they are treated like gods)! It is well known fact that men can not live peacefully with other men; most of the wars in the world are/were between men or women?
     
  3. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I can live with my in-laws but shall be never happy from within. There will be lots of compromises to make. My mother in law is very commanding. Everyone has to live according to her Orders. Otherwise she will start doing emotional atyachars. My husband says that a woman's duty is to respect parents and in-laws and that he respects my parents. By the way, my parents they do not interfere in his life in any way. so he should not have any problem anyway. If there was no interference in my life from his parents I can also easily say that I respect his parents. ;)
     
  4. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I pity you Priyanka. So many daughter in laws suffer silently like you. If the husband understands that you are sacrificing your wishes and bearing with his people, that is at least a big relief. In my case my husband expects that all DILS should "respect" their parents and ILs. He strongly believes in the indian traditions apparently because it is all in Mens' favour. I thank God that I live in a foreign country and away from my ILs. But still I can not even say anything about my ILs. My husband goes mad for no reason even for silly reasons and says that I hate his parents and hence I say things about them . For me they are also like any other human beings; having positive and negative aspects. I thank God that I could flee away from them within a year after the wedding. You may not believe, I had rejected so many alliances because the boys were settled outside India. But look at my destiny. But I am happy about it now that I am away from the daily suffering; but sad at the same time that I had to live my country for this reason. I still think if I have my husband's understanding I can still go and live in India which does not seem to be likely unfortunately:((((
     
  5. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Your FIL should not expect that from his children. He too had left his house for independence sometime ago.
     
  6. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I believe that somewhere the DILs are also responsible. They should make it clear with their husband before marriage that they want to live separately. Half the problem would be solved there itself. But I bet, hardly anyone would be ready for it.
     
  7. misspink14

    misspink14 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I enjoy a JF when my parents come to visit from CA. It makes it easier for us and we can go out, and enjoy without worry about someone not caring for our child the way we want. I hope people would understand the JF concept.
     
  8. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    if 'visiting' and 'my' are part of JF, I am sure many would welcome the 'concept' especially for the 'day care' perks.:biggrin2:
     
    2 people like this.
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,642
    Likes Received:
    23,054
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    :exactly:..........
     
  10. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,838
    Likes Received:
    2,574
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't think the concept of joint family set-ups is in itself flawed. If it works for you, then great. My suspicion is that the problem arises when it break downs, causes friction, and makes some or all people involved miserable.

    In this case, it might be useful to put people before traditions. It is entirely possible that some family bonds may be strengthened, as opposed to weakened, if people are able to have some space and privacy (that is, live separately).

    As with so many issues here on IL, it is not the custom or practice that is at fault, but rather the dogged insistence on following that custom or practice without consideration for reality, practicality, and individual human needs, rights, and feelings.

    Right now, I have a good relationship with my parents and in-laws, and we all get along just fine. I'm pretty sure that if I moved in with either party, though, the stage would be set for WW3. This is not because any of us are bad people, but because we all have different ways of doing things, and our lives have led us along diverse paths.

    I respect older people who have the courage and foresight to realize/say, "Okay, this may have worked in my time, but things have changed, and now my children need to make up their own minds/need more freedom". The joint family system may be saved, as opposed to dying out completely, with a little flexibility and acceptance of reality.
     
    3 people like this.

Share This Page