Indian Family System

CW, Yes I am doing it in the way that MY family wants it. We are still a joint family. There is no difference.

That is what I, Peartree, SP, ASG, ShilpaMa, NandShyam and many others have been saying. It is upto the individual. My choice is JF.

 

CW, what True replied is out of pressure of being pushed aside on her concept... and not exactly directed to you.. this is how even the best of best person reacts when feeling cornered....

Its similar to cornoring of your concepts when you have to live with a lot of people with same concept and you with a different concept in a combined setup.
Either you change your concept or at some point resort to direct reply or voice out your thought....

True entire life is tentative, we all agree to be a joint family we're not disowning any family member... however when people around you dont give you space or any such tentative arrangement for a peak phase of your life, life only becomes a big "?" ...........

 

Well, Thanks for the 'no bee shall sting thee' wish.
Wish you the very best too. :thumbsup

 

CW

I think it was reiterated in many responses that a question like this can never be answered in general terms because the nature of the question itself is such that it came up due to certain personal albeit similar situations of some people.

Again, with changing times, things such as technology etc may become obsolete, but the same cannot be said of beliefs/relationships/faiths etc. They may or may not change with time for people.

I think almost everyone here conclusively agrees that there can never be a right or wrong answer for the question and the answer is heavily dependent upon each person's likes/dislikes/good or bad experiences/beliefs/opinions and all such subjective things. So I don't understand what we are still discussing.

Either that or I have been just been understanding the whole point of the thread wrong right from the beginning!

 

Like PT said, technology changes will always obsolete a prior technology. But relationship changes may not obsolete like that.

I dont see any need for "official closing" of the thread. This is a general thread (similar to Arranged vs Love marriage thread). Unlike a person's specific issue, such general discussion threads can remain eternally open, and someone else may find they have something to say in future. These are "evergreen" threads

 

I grew up in a JF system. I love that set up since I had great time with my grand parents. I lived with my mom's parents and my mom didn't have any in-laws issues. Only my dad had. :biglaugh My dad moved out of his family and living with his in-laws till date whereas my mom is staying away from them for job reasons. He is there to represent a Man's life with in-laws. I can tell you - it is a worst set up. Though he is a bad dad/husband, he is a very adjusting son-in-law :bowdown Let the Indian Family system be the same.

In future, I want to live with my husband for a year or two in a NF set up and then accommodate my in-laws. I go for a love marriage and don't know how far I can make them feel comfortable with me. Involves lot of adjustments!

 

Mithy I understand that this decision of yours was due to your love marraige.

My point on being in a NF as a need for atleast newly married couples
was not with an intention to sell the view.
My view was... in our typical indian marraiges men and women alike lead their life until marraige concentrating on studies,career,financial establishment.Thoughts on married life are not very well formed by then.
When they enter into wedlock chances are the couple will be naive and in most cases it would be their first love so mistakes are bound to happen due to their oun lack of experience.So why not give them enough time for themselves to settle in.

Earlier people would think a lot to send a girl child to study abroad fearing their girl might change or can't find groom or whatever reasons but nowadays even parents from remote places in india send their daughter abroad for higher studies.Such is the change in society.

On the similar lines,I thought over a period of time soceity would find it fine too when "NF is preferered by newly married couples without any problems arising in family"

The whole idea here is to take care of elders emotionally,physically and financially.If people are strong on the basics, JF or NF shouldn't matter is my thought.

Shilpama,yes I was blunt.But none of my comments are assumptions or fabrications.
If people give sweet advices in their impecable best manners to IL posters and then critiize them in another public forum it doesn't reflect well.
If you get to know me...who knows ..you might as well feel Iam the best of the best person

I don't think I can continue in this relationship forum knowing very well that my thoughts get a minority response so...this is my last post.

But I sincerly wish in future IL'tes can make more sense from my posts in this thread.