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Indian Family System

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RadiantCat, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I am wondering why several Indian families still advocate joint family system. Please correct me if I am wrong. Whomever I meet or interact with, they say they live in a joint family system.

    We are well aware that too many adults living under the same roof brings disharmony and it is only in movies that there's a unquestionable harmony amongst the inlaws.

    What stops men from moving out of their families and establish a life for themselves. Why do they want to live closeby to the parents?

    If finance is the key reason, a certain portion of the salary must be given to the parents and they must be provided with all the neccessary comforts from physcial help to living comfort. Periodically the children can visit them. What stops the next generation from looking at these alternatives so all of them are peaceful?
     
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  2. jayanaresh

    jayanaresh Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    I may sound old fashioned for you.
    But i was brought up in a JF only.
    I know the advantages of it. Yes little disadvantages also there and that can be ignored by possitive points of JF.

    By seeing TV serials and movies ( where they exaggerate small issues in JF) never think JF is a prison or .........

    After marriage I lived in JF before went to Muscat, i enjoyed those moments. When i went to Muscat i felt so lonely and missed the fun, so i invited my FIL and then my SIL and BILs came to Muscat and once again JF.
    Due to fin.problems I took a job in AD and cannot invite my in laws as often like in Muscat.

    I used to leave my kids to my sil and me and DH goes out and it was fun. Same way my co sisters leave the kids to us and goes out with BIL.
    This way the bond between the couples increases, every couple needs time for themselves and that is possible only in JF.
    This is called a refreshing the relationship bet couples or energy refilling time between couples.
    I hope Iam clear. SO i vote JF ONLY.
    I enjoyed bringing up in JF and after marriage also i enjoyed .......and enjoying...............
    But one thing I have to accept, in JF - noone should be selfish and narrow minded . Everyone should be broadminded and understanding.....
    and give mutual respect.
    Regards
    Mrs.N
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    An alternative to this in the nuclear family system would be to hire a babysitter. Lot of couples in nuclear families have a trusted sitter on call, usually a local high school girl, who they call up to watch the kids in the evening or weekends while the parents go out. So, it's possible in nuclear family too. :)
     
  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Incorrect. Personally I prefer a nuclear system, but I have seen live examples of JF that live reasonably alright. I'd say it very much depends on each family dynamics and personal preferences.

    One can even say that single-life is the most harmonious. The moment two adults (DH and DW) live together under same roof or even teenage kids under same roof, there is 'potential for' disharmony. But as we know it does not always pan out that way, because adults can also adjust and give-and-take.

    Its a perspective thing. (Again, I am taking my personal preference out of this answer).
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
  5. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

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    IMO. JFs are inherently tilted towards men and their preference. Women marrying into them usually sacrifice too much and have little fun (unless they are very political!).

    Everybody in JF being unselfish and broadminded is a little too idealistic. From my exp. they are not where I would encourage a young woman to marry into. Just my two cents.
     
  6. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    I think this is gross generalization. I don't think there is a yardstick for either joint or nuclear family system being good or bad. I think it all depends on each person. I personally would not mind living in a joint family because the experience I have had even living with my in-laws has not been bad! We had my SIL live with us for close to 1.5 yrs when she was studying and my in-laws for 6 months every time they visit. None of us felt like we were in each other's space or were invading into each other's privacy. I think everything is workable as long as everyone is sensitive to the other's needs.

    Also, I don't believe in the rhetoric that the spouse becomes No.1 after marriage and everyone falls in the second place. I just believe that each of our relationships are important in their own way. I can never give what my MIL can provide my husband, similarly, my MIL can never give what I can provide my husband with. And when both my MIL and I understand this, we do not have to watch each other's back as to who gets more time/attention from the husband.

    So the point is, whether it is joint family or a nuclear family, as long as everyone knows when to leave the other person alone, it is all good!
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I think it all depends on what each person wants. If everyone in the family wants to be in a joint family, it can work. Like my hubby doesn't like it, and I don't like it... so we are not good candidates for it. Yet my sil and her husband love when my inlaws visit them for 8 months out of the year. We also have friends who are in JF and seem reasonably happy... or at least as happy as we are living seperate!


    Spiderman has a good point.... it really depends on the dynamics and abilities of the people in question. I love to be alone. Yet, I adjust with my husband whom I live with (but since I married somebody like minded, the adjustments are only a few). However, that is my MAX, meaning I do not wish to adjust beyond the ways I've already adjusted. Living with my husband (and maybe 1 or 2 kids someday) is my limit. No matter if I had the best inlaws in the world, I wouldn't want to live with them. Since I know my limits, I would never join a JF system, because I would not want to be the one to bring that disharmony. I'm the type where home is my place of sanctuary. I'd rather deal with any type of stress 24/7 in the outside world, but home is one place I want to be ME and not have to adjust to anyone in anyway.

    Look at the diversity of people and values. Peartree who posted above seems to hold a positive perception of the JF system and believes all relations are equal yet different in their own way and hence can be nurtured in the JF environment. I hold a negative perception of JF system and believe spouse is more important than extended family and should coexist on their own. Each of us probably feels right in our beliefs. So as you can see, the JF can not be termed as 'right' or 'wrong', rather it depends on the person. Maybe 'right' for PearTree, 'wrong' for ASG. I think the JF should exist for those who want it, and cease to exist for those who don't. Live and let live. :thumbsup
     
  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    PERFECT and EXACTLY my take, Peartree.:)
    Personally I LOVE joint family set up. It is rich. And I feel my family is complete in a joint set up.
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Excellent post, peartree. You have summarized it very well. :thumbsup
     
  10. Jithiks

    Jithiks Gold IL'ite

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