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India Trip - I Don’t Want To Go

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Jas8085, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I don’t think this will stop only with uncle and aunty trio. OP is also involved with parents, so they and brother will tag along .. will end up with same frustration .
     
    Topaz49 likes this.
  2. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    OP, do not buy gifts or spend money for food..instead use that money to book a resort stay in some other place..visit your aunt for couple of days and show your face at parents.sponsor a lunch or dinner..go back to another vacation resort away from your place and enjoy..staying in a hotel at the same town as your parent’s will not work out.declare to every one that you are coming to India for sight seeing this time and don’t give lot of info to them.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  3. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    I feel sadness reading about your emotional wounds. You can’t change who your parents are; but, the only thing you can change is how you choose to deal with them.

    It takes self-awareness; but, you are stuck in the parent-child relationship of your youth.

    Allow yourself to create a nurturing and protective parent in your own mind – and become that person for yourself. Someone who shows themselves self compassion, generosity and kindness, will no longer allow people to boss you around or to use you.

    Stop wishing that your mother will miraculously change into the mother you’ve always wanted her to be. Detach from her behavior – both emotionally and psychologically – you will become free and empowered.

    Toxic relationships are difficult to deal with; especially, when it is your mom.

    While there's no argument that parenting involves a certain amount of personal sacrifice which all children should appreciate. Some toxic mothers "see their children as forever obligated to them by rite of birth. They feel entitled to demand from their children unlimited support and service." These mothers are searching for the root of their unhappiness, and falsely believe that it lies in their child's refusal to give in to every single one of their demands.

    When you finally draw your boundaries and make it clear to your mother that you are no longer going to accept her devaluing treatment of you, you will gain her respect.

    HEY, you deserve better and when you believe that you will make stride towards self-esteem recovery and personal growth.

    There is no good answer for the question of why my mother doesn’t love me. She just doesn’t. The truth hurts but it will also set you free.
     
    Vaikuntha, radv and Aarushi like this.
  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    what’s the point ? They may behave a lil better, in turn your pain will be a lil less.
    You are lucky to have a supportive sister, take her help since you can’t stand up for yourself. There’s nothing wrong in it till you are able to do it yourself.

    You sisters are living abroad with your families, are you going to relocate your whole family or split the family to take on this responsibility when your parents are feeding him to do exactly that (if he’s ready to enjoy the perks, he has to own it too or if he doesn’t want to, he should deny the perks too) ? In reality, you might require your sisters help during this period too as only she maybe able to handle this situation.

    See.. when there’s a will, there’s always a way. Now you can happily stay at your aunts since you are ‘truly’ going to see them.

    A lifetime of Selfish parents can’t be turned selfless in a day. You can maybe make your situation a lil better by fighting for your place like your sis does. Sadly, sometimes that’s the only way of being heard. N the quiet ones generally get run over by people like that.

    You can sit them both down (or one by one) n talk about how you feel n what could be better. Don’t argue, say hear me out first then reply. See if it helps.

    Avoid staying with them during your trips. Only visit them during a non meal time , Limit your interaction to save your own sanity. Your true purpose to visit are your aunt n uncle anyway, so focus on that.
     
  5. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    You have choice to decide how you allow your family members to treat you . You know about your parents . If you have expectations then don’t go. I do think your parents are extremely worried about their finance and care when they get old . Sometimes we become crazy because of fear . Since you are moving out of country better finish this trip with good note.
     
  6. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    I’m going to India ONLY to see my aunt and uncle. I think I’ll just stick to that and visit my parents at non meal times. It’s a minor inconvenience to my Aunt, but I’ll keep her busy with tales and reminiscing our times together in my childhood. Time will fly.
    My parents won’t be pissed or anything if I stay with Aunt and Uncle. It has been like that from childhood, although I lived with parents, I was at aunts place ALL the time. After school, holidays, sickness, happiness - everything !
    Even when my inlaws were harassing me, my parents would tell me to adjust. Horrible mental torture during my first preg - they told me to adjust!!! What will the world say if I come back home??? My mom says she said that so I just stay married. Wtf? Am I still married today because she shut doors on me that day??? Is it because I was helpless and vulnerable?? Nopes. I’m still married today because I cut my inlaws out and my husband isn’t too blind anymore. That’s the reason.

    During the worst time of my life, it was my aunt and uncle who told me their door is always open for me and I can come “home” anytime. I am truly grateful for that. I have some clarity now after writing down everything here. My India trip is about going home and seeing the people who love me unconditionally .

    I think I now know where to go.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2019
    CoolPie, shravs3, Aarushi and 4 others like this.
  7. binitakade

    binitakade New IL'ite

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    That's when we get more confused with our thoughts, whether to go ahead with first opinion or the other. If I do first one, these guys will be affected, if I do the second these will be affected. In that case you should always listen to your heart.

    Take care buddy!
    binitakade
    Works at Superfares
     

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