1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

India Trip And My Many Woes.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by chasingdreams, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. chasingdreams

    chasingdreams Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I am a mother of a 3 year old and my india vacation is fast approaching. I would like some input on how to handle few scenarios
    I was molested by a close relative when i was about 10 yrs old (inappropriate touches) and I am paranoid about my child's safety in this regard.I am not comfortable leaving my kid alone with relatives.i try to keep my kid around me even when i am doing other chores and dont like it when relatives take her out (like for a stroll around the neighbourhood). Is there anyway to politely handle this without offending others?

    I also dont like it when people give her food that are generally unhealthy(i mean when there is too much of it) like chocolates,icecreams,cookies and any processed food

    During my previous visit, I sternly asked my BIL not to take my kid for a ride on his motorbike (she was perched in front of him, on the oil tank ).he wanted to just quickly go around the neighbourhood. my MIL was not happy with it but i dug in my heels.

    How do you handle such situations? Any tips?
     
    Loading...

  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,174
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I am a paranoid mother like you too. But how long would you be able to protect like this ? What happens once your kid starts full time schooling, different classes n starts going out? Are you going stop her from living her life ? Perps are all across the globe in all shapes n sizes, "indian - relatives" aren't the only danger here. Similarly, not everyone are bad guys either.

    Start explaining good touch / bad touch. Say only the parents are allowed to see without a dress or to touch or anything like that. N be very easy to communicate to. Dono if you told your parents about your bad touch, but make sure your kid tells you even if someone comes closer.

    I taught my kid this around that age, n kept repeating till it went into his head. Stranger danger, bad touch, don't touch my points, are few of the things you can teach to voice out. So the kid will yell out even before someone gets closer. Teach your kid to handle the right way from young n voice out n come to you with anything. They are very good learners.

    Bike rides, you can ensure it happens in front of you. Or encourage your dh to take her or to join them. Or join relatives for a stroll.

    You make trips to india to also develop a bond with the relatives, over protecting her will only create distance in the relationship n she will struggle to maintain anyone in her future. So help her with the process n to build a bond. But teach her all the good/ bad touch stuff as well.

    Junk food - start a habit of making your kid give it to you. So you can control her intake. Mine still comes n gives it to me n doesn't eat without asking.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    You have three main issues - safety of kid from relatives and strangers, trusted family taking her out for a stroll or motorbike ride, and unhealthy food.

    Unhealthy food - don't pick this battle. As long as the food is hygienic, let things be. It is a vacation.
    Trusted family taking her out for a stroll or motorbike ride or in a car - Simplest is you go along. When you insist on going along, keep your tone and expression pleasant, and explanation minimal. More ideal is you learn to let go a little. At 3, she can go out with people like Uncle.
    Safety of kid from relatives and strangers - arrange for you or your husband to be around her at all times. Cut down on your household chores, and plan shopping around her nap time.
     
    chasingdreams likes this.
  4. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    183
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    The way in which I've handled the food issue in the past is to simply say that certain foods make her sick or throw up. That usually dissuades anyone from attempting to give anything to my kids since no one wants to be around kids throwing up!

    As far as safety goes, I'm not sure how easy it is going to be to keep an eye on your child 24/7. It's always different when you are on vacation, especially if you are staying with someone else. All you can do it keep him as close to you as possible, and as you have done in the past, say no to requests that make you uncomfortable (like the bike rides etc.)

    Whenever someone asked me if they could take my kids somewhere and I didn't want them to go, I'd just smile and say, 'they may come with you but after a while they'll start crying for me' and then I'd ask my children in front of the person whether they wanted to go out with aunty/uncle. 9 times out of 10 they'd say no.
     
  5. chasingdreams

    chasingdreams Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @ashneys you are right. I need to lighten a little. I do want my child to have a normal childhood. I will start the good touch -bad touch lessons . How ever I think for this trip she will not be prepared. I do want my kid to bond with relatives too. I know their intentions are good when they are giving my kid junk and like you mentioned, since this is only during vacations that's a help. i will keep this point in mind.Thanks for your inputs

    @Rihana thanks for the tips.

    @NeerjaC the child throwing up and crying for mama are great ideas. I will definitely use them if the situation warrants. Thanks.
     
    NeerjaC likes this.

Share This Page