inappropriate attachment sent by friend through email

Mahajanpragati · Feb 1, 2010

hi,
i just don't know where to post this or what heading to give to my query.so ,please bear with me & read on
i came to know R some three years back & she was then married for little more then a year.she was in early 30s & her hubby in late 30s.she was my dh's collague's wife.we liked each other & used to get together many a times a week .meanwhile i concieved my 2nd child.she & her dh were planning to immigrate to another country & fully focused on that.

we were together for 4 mths when they finally got the visa & immigrated.i missed her a lot & we kept in contact.meanwhile we changed country & came to this place.

in this new country she also started working & slowly our communication reduced to maybe once every 2-3 mths & then also only few formal words .

she would sent me forwards of email where if u don't forward it to 15 people something wrong will happen to u.i hated such forwards & would not 'forward 'then further.

now,this weekend she sent me a canadian health care forward where viagara & some other sex related products were advertised.i felt 'what the hell is wrong with her'& immediately drew the reason that she (her dh )is in need of such things but i never replied to her.(4 years after marriage she is childless)

now,she has forwarded this same thing to 8 of her friends including me & one of then is in my contact also.on sunday while talking on skype with my friend J i asked about the attachment .
J told me that she is really very angry with R & has emailed back that 'we don't need it but since u seem to using it,we will keep ur recommendation in mind & try if we want in old age.'

later that evening for the 1st time R skyped me & asked me 'did u also mind.i said 'yes,if we need something like this we will search ourself & she need not have sent the attachment to 8 of us who BTW are all mothers.'

she took offence at this' BTW mothers 'word & acused me of being old fashioned.i felt strange & excused myself with some lie & put off the net.

did i reacted wrongly.shouldnt one think twice about sending strange attachments .
Ladies,pour in your opinion

asuitablegirl · Feb 1, 2010

I think it's a normal reaction to feel offended, or not, or whatever. Each person takes things a different way, so if you feel offended, then that is acceptable and normal reaction. Even I would have felt it weird, especially the second time...

But, your comment about being a mother was IRRELEVANT and hurtful. What does being a mother have to do with male enhancement drugs or annoying email forwards? ....Nothing. I think you were uncomfortable by her emails, and hence you said something hurtful to make her feel the pinch. But if you go to see... those emails were embarassing to you, but just imagine how your comment about being a 'mother' would hurt her... probably a lot more than any email could hurt YOU. I think taking a shot at her infertility problems (or desire not to have kids) was low and cheap. That's just my opinion.

Yes, your friend should think twice before sending such personal forwards. But you should also think twice on how to diplomatically handle such issues without ruining a friendship or needlessly hurting someone's feelings. I'm not trying to lecture you, because I totally understand your frustration and embarassment (I would have felt the same way), but I just think your reaction was a little harsh.

Anyways, let's see what other ladies think. Hope you get some good feedback!

lavii · Feb 1, 2010

i know how you could have felt about it
but personally i feel saying her not to send such crap next time would be a better answer rather than talking about motherhood which she dont have

SriVidya75 · Feb 1, 2010

Agree with ASG here

If you dont like something....tell her or send her a message saying pls do not send me any forward mails ..However talking about another womans motherhood is really cruel.

Drpreethis · Feb 1, 2010

I second ASG too..

The whole forwarding of male fertility enhancers may have been a put off for you.. But she just forwarded it to everyone. You got irritated and did voice it to her, that was fine. But going to the extent of talking about being
" mothers " was SO WRONG. It was irrelevant. What does a male pill have to do with being " mothers " ? It is a talk about intimacy. You dont like to talk about such things, you say it and leave it.

However, since you did a mistake by talking something irrelevant and uncalled for, maybe you can send her a mail apologising and also telling her you were just irritated, that is all. Matter over.

Please rememeber never make such statements and dont allow your temper to go that bad, you start to comment on motherhood. As a mommy you must know it well.

vidhkarthik · Feb 2, 2010

You were completely right when you felt it was inappropriate. You should have voiced out that you felt it was inappropriate and stopped it at that. People do stupid things at times and you can tell them that you are uncomfortable with it because of the content. Being a mother or not is totally IRRELEVANT to this whole problem.

Incidentally, Infertility is very very painful. You do not want to be reminded of that in anyway and what you did may come across as very hurtful and insensitive. I request you not to make such mommy statements to women undergoing difficulties in getting pregnant. Trust me - These things could totally spoil her day and more.

Ajith · Feb 2, 2010

FYI, there are some viruses which send such junk emails to everyone in your address book. It has become very common now. Make sure she didn't send it intentionally. From your post, I think she was aware of that email but in the future don't make such assumption if you receive an inappropriate email from a known person, it could be a virus.

Mahajanpragati · Feb 2, 2010

hi ladies,
thanks for the replies.
i guess i was wrong & even skyped a sorry to which she has sent a sorry back.she says that 'yes i am being questioned by all that why i sent that forward & sorry for that.'even her dh is angry with her.poor girl ,she is facing onslaught from all fronts.
BTW,she is medically fit as she had a checkup with me when i was visiting the gynae(2yrs back) so at that time in my mind i did not put the motherhhood statement to hurt her rather to remind us that we all are fit as fiddle & having a baby proves that.so she need not sent us such mails in future.still iguess i was being rash & was wrong & so not to continue that unpleasant discussion said 'sorry'.
even J who got a sorry mail from R has decided to forgive her but warned her not to send such mails if she values our friendship. i guess all others recipents must have forgiven her.

but still i want to ask u ladies,how do u react about such forwards.do u choose to ignore them.
i mean inspite of being my friend she is sending me mails where i will incurr the wrath of some God if i don't forward it to 15 people & then this one & did i mention she is the last one to wish us new year or diwali.

how do u react.

pragati

ShilpaMa · Feb 2, 2010

I simply delete these mails based on the SUB line even b4 readin them.
Reason being - a person is gng thru a tuff time/ have loads of free time & using chain mails as means to enhance possibility of achieving wht they want to keep them at peace... which anyhow is not related to getting them closer to their goal.

Not having babies is really hurtful situation & I've been a witness of it day in and out but yes never resorted to such fwds as I had many more things to do & also dint feel offended or made the person SHUT up/ sending. This is a way of telling that she remembers you but has no common topic to send u a mail on.... thats it.

Also pls dont draw conclusion on who's at fault for no baby in the marriage after 4 yrs... there are lot more unexplained reasons for no pregnancy and a regular gyneac feels everything is fine at inital levels.

If you still cant take it then simply block the person & in case there's any relevant mail the person will get back to you.
Instead of getting offeneded/ aggressive to a Viagra add.. I wud have simply mailed this frnd... here's my DH's id .. pls fwd him an appropriate dose :rotfl!!!!

amihere · Feb 2, 2010

About reacting to such mails, I simply select them and hits the delete button.Its been years since I started getting such mails and messages and years since I have been deletin them without a care.
Till now I havent attracted any God's wrath for that