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In The Buff

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 2, 2016.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Sometimes your chest puffs up with pride when you realise how much India is far far ahead of many western countries in many fields. Mine did just that when I read today a news on the facebook, that In Paris the city government is toying with the idea of creating spaces where nudists could let their hair down oops sorry pants down undisturbed by their clothed cousins.

    TOYING WITH???????????!!!!!!!!!!! Still only toying with? How primitive when we in India are light years ahead of them in this respect! And they consider themselves a modern nation?

    Huh? We are ahead in giving space to nudists? We don’t have to create spaces for them. Any space is their space, even state legislative assemblies. See how a nudist addressed the Haryana assembly recently. I mean a digambar Jain muni with all 100% of him visible.

    Do I hear groans? I am back to His Birthday Suited Holiness again after dedicating an entire piece to him barely a couple of weeks ago.. But patience gentle reader this is not exactly about him.

    Nudists are free to move around here say Jain munis or Naga sadhus clad only in ashes These guys have devotees bowing at their feet but what about secular nudists with no religious pretensions? I mean if your atheist truly walks on the street in the buff I would end up in a police lockup and locked up for months and fined for indecent exposure. The only way out is pleading insanity and landing in a loony bin.Unless your nudism comes with a religious sugar coating, you are either nuts or a pervert.

    I am sure there must be nudists in India, but they must be closet nudists. If they come out of the closet they would suffer not double but multiple jeopardy. If the cops don’t arrest you if you take to the road in the starkers the chances are that guys would throw stones at you or try to play with your you know what. And oh so gay guys may even go more than a step further and worst of all people are likely to fall at your feet thinking you are a godman.

    So how do the nudists without a religious tag get their space?. There is only one way. They have to convince our netas that they are a major vote bank—an invisible vote bank because they have reservations about public appearances.

    Once our politicians are convinced that while there are hardly any signs of existence of such a vote bank (how could there be any when this block of votes does not want to appear in public in their full glory?), they cannot afford to make the mistake of believing such a vote bank does not exist.

    The next step is floating your own political party. It can be called Nanga Party or Nanga Dal., or to give it an all India aura, Bharatiya Nanga Party.

    To woo the nudist vote bank, political parties would be galvanized into supporting colonies for the naturists (That is the politically correct term for nudists). But even that would cause its own hassles. Being a conservative society our nudist colonies would be either an all male affair or the genders would be segregated. Most probably they would be an all male affair because in this society our great moral guardians measure the length of saris and skirts and declare that that would determine whether the girls would be raped or not.

    But suppose there is a separate enclave for women naturists, that would raise the hackles of some Trupti Desai like character who would threaten to barge into the male preserves with nothing on to protest against the segregation (With TV cameras blazing away to glory of course).

    Oh on that let us cross the bridge when we come to it. Let us just close our eyes and dream that there are nudist enclaves and our politicians will bend backwards to score brownie points from nudists.

    Arvind Kejriwal would declare that Modi was an anti-nudist and that had nothing to do with Indian culture but his opposition stems from the fear that if the number of nudists go up, the sale of Reliance Textiles would come down and this proved that Modi is an Ambani man.

    The Congress camp would be in utter disarray . The dialogue between the great spaghetti mama and her blindingly brilliant son would go like this:

    “Gee mama, should I declare that we are not against nudists but only oppose people taking off their cloths?

    “Zitto stupido!” (Zitto for the Italian challenged, means shut up and stupido is just stupid with a O suffixed)

    The saffron brigade , not to be left behind, would declare that India has had a strong nudist culture. for millennia.”Think of avadhut sanyasis, digambar Jain munis and Naga sadhus” an RSS spokesman would say.

    To woo voters in the buff, Modi would address nudist conventions, looking dapper in his pinstriped birthday suit (with NARENDRA DAMODARDAS MODI tattooed all over). “Mere nirvastra mitron” (My friends in birthday suits) the PM would thunder promising reservation for Naga sadhus or jain munis in the cabinet which has sadhvis but no sadhus. For obvious reasons only audio version of the meeting would be available and not the video one.

    “Why are you writing so much about nudes these days?” asked the wife as I jumped up in shock. I didn’t see her standing behind me. I was too focussed on writing.

    “You must be nuts. If you keep writing stuff like this soon you would tear off your clothes and run on the streets in the buff” she said shaking her head sadly.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2016
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  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Balajee, you forgot Trump. He would build a wall and have all of them behind that wall. The reason is simple they have no place to carry the gun so they are not useful.
     
  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Akanksha GTrump wants walls for everyone, mexicans, Nudists and probably gays. There should be a wall that would seperate the joker from the civilized world.
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A refreshing take on the topic with a wonderful play on words. I reckon some of the play intended, some in the mind of the beholder. : )

    As I read, there were a few calls to action I wish the beholding mind hadn't been so quick to perform:

    Not to worry.. Gay PDA's took a while for the mind to accept as normal, and birthday suits too will take some time.

    It does look like religion is the easiest way for the not-yet-normal to begin the journey towards acceptance of it as normal. And organized religion, not something pedestrian like one's personal individual beliefs.
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true Rihana religion makes lot of things that are not otherwise accepted acceptable.. It is also a very convenient cover for things frowned upon and even punished otherwise.
     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,
    Well we have different nudists here.Some that back their backsides when doing the No 2 on railway tracks, some that pee anywhere, they too can be seen.
    And u have some people, who are nude in markets, mad maybe. We dont need space , they create their own here.
    And these saints, yes, i feel very odd seeing them, in front of their clothed devotees, but if i say anything i will land behind bars.

    Great one Balaji, super stuff.
    Regards
    kamal
     
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  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji madmen who roam nude are stoned by insensitive people. And nudists as such are bound to be arrested for "indecent" exposure . The only nudists who get away with murder are religious nudists. But then when it comes to religion everyone gets away with murder.
     
  8. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    Interesting topic!

    It seems that nudity goes in cycles . The skirts and blouses can not get any shorter now - next step is complete elimination of any covering as each generation has to be different from the previous ones. The generation AFTER will be covered from head to toe as retaliation!

    I have always wondered about the old sculptures. The women are covered with jewelry but not a stitch of cloth!
     
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  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    REtro is always in fashion. If nudity becomes fashion then there is bound to be a retro reacdtion from fashionistas wiho will jazzs up the burqas.i
     

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