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In Pursuit of Happiness!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by smilealwayss, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. smilealwayss

    smilealwayss Gold IL'ite

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    A warm hello to all my friends out there!!!

    Its been a long time but then its better to be late than never!!!

    As was my family with me, IL has ALWAYS been my by side when ever I felt low. Today that I feel so good and confident I wish to share my happiness with all you friends out there!

    In Pursuit of Happiness!

    As a full time mom and home maker after resigning from seven years of teaching job, I really had great time with my family. An year passed, then the second and then the third., life kept going up and down. As we all do, there were all sorts of emotions good and bad in those years.
    Like any normal day, one day while cleaning the home I happened to open the box which had my college books and hand written notes. I liked looking at them and enjoyed the flash back memories of my sweet college days. Turning each and every page of my hand written notes, I remember how I cherished those moments spent in class. I was so much lost in thoughts that I did not realize that I had been sitting there for hours together. I came back to reality only when my son woke up. After that life continued the same way but then I was not the same any more!

    I had evolved as a good mother and as a good wife but I was not what I used to be. No longer did I have the confidence to go back to job. I lost almost all my subject knowledge and feared if I could ever recollect it back. Huge syllabus of under graduation and post graduation .... all my class notes, subject text books seemed to look like greek and latin to me. I could not feel good about the fact that I had wasted so much time and had struggled so hard just to forget it all. Those days were the toughest when nothing could convince me that being a home maker can be rewarding too. I knew that and yes I enjoyed being a home maker but there always existed some thing that kept disturbing me. :spin

    life was great, no doubt but I needed to know if I could ever make it professionally after five years of break.

    I started to hunt for job so that I could feel good if I got one. lucky me I was offered one. life changed completely after that ... felt really good the moment I signed my joining letter. (little did I know that even that happiness was going to be temporary) life kept moving at its own pace and it seemed to be going good.

    What seemed fun in the beginning started becoming monotonous. Wake up early, prepare the food, complete the chores, run for the job around seven in the morning, leave the baby to catch the bus no matter if he is sleeping or crying on the bed asking repeatedly "mama please do not leave me and go".
    It was not tough to wake up early no matter how tired you felt,
    It was not tough to do the chores and complete the work at home no matter you could not find time even to recharge yourself with a cup of tea.
    What WAS TOUGH indeed was to forget the scene of baby crying on the bed with his arms asking you to lift him and hug him,
    TOUGH was to forget the blabber of the baby saying "Mama do not go".

    TOUGH was to decide what I needed the most..... my job or my home. Every day at the work place though things seemed quite normal from out side some thing started disturbing me again.
    Was I really happy doing what I was doing . :hide:
    I tried to analyse hard ... I had All that I wished for but still I felt sad and unhappy for reasons I could never understand. (point to be noted: "life was not affected, all the activities went quite normally. One could hardly find out the turmoil going on in my mind ! I looked perfectly happy to every one around"). After an year of such non stop running I really wanted to check out what was it that made me feel incomplete. In the pursuit of happiness I kept running here and there but could never find it anywhere.
    Well then back to square one: I had to decide what is it that I needed in life to be happy. Those days were the toughest I must admit. To quit the job at times when its hard to find job sounded too dangerous. But continuing life that way sounded more taxing as all I wanted from my heart was to be with my family as much as possible at least till the time my son would not feel and cry for the fact that his mom is not available for him.

    Today when I look back I feel so good for the fact that I had guts to quit the job, I could boldly decide to pursue my dream of being a Researcher in a reputed institute with fellowship. (family situation,then marriage,then kid., I thought my dream will only remain a dream: age factor scared me too: 34 years and research after that sounded like a bad joke!!! ).

    I did rely on some thing (do not know what!) and decided to look out for options where I could spend my time doing what I liked but definitely not compromising with my family time.
    It took a long time for me to decide but once done I knew where to go. I realised the things working out in my favour though it was not that easy. I was surprised to find options right near my place. I could get a good guide for my research, I could explore how many options were available around for fellowship as a full time research scholar. (there are so many options that are covered under DST(Department of Science and Technology( www.dst.gov.in), UGC project proposals sent through institutions for research purpose, Women Scientists Programs (http://www.dst.gov.in/scientific-programme/women-scientists.htm)).

    I was lucky that at an age when I thought I was not eligible for any fellowship schemes in the area of research I could find one option which supports women, especially who had to have a break in their career for family reasons. Today when I look back I feel so proud and good about myself (trust me: living your dream and doing what you enjoy is the best thing in the world).

    Before I end are you wondering about my time with my family????

    Very happily I drop and pick my son from his school. There were many options but I chose my work place near my home because I know what makes me feel good.

    So In Pursuit of Happiness I found it the hard way that:

    Its alright to feel Unhappy., You just need to find out what makes you happy. (do not be afraid about trying again and again!)
    Happiness is just a state of mind where there is a balance of both our dreams and fulfillment of real life commitments.
    “For every minute you are angry and upset with life you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

    just learn to be HAPPY no matter what comes your way!:thumbsup

    Love
    Smilealwayss :)
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations Smilealwayss on your pursuit and the courage to make your dream to come true. Felt very happy reading your blog.

    - I liked it. I'm going to use this sentence.

    Thanks for such a good post.
     
  3. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Felt very happy reading this blog SmileAlwayss. Thanks for that. And, all the best! -rgs
     
  4. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, it all depends on us .
    Thanks,
    Lakshmi Bhat
     
  5. AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear smilesalways,

    So happy for you and you brought a smile on my face today.... such a feel-good motivating post :)

    Have a great day!

    Akila
     
  6. smilealwayss

    smilealwayss Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Akila Mani, LakshmiKMBhat, rgsrinivasan, pallavi4me

    Thank you all for the encouragement!
    Am so happy that you liked the post.!
     

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