In-laws Will Not Let Us Move Out... Help

OP, Its tough to leave your in-laws with the reasons you gave them for your move. Its a sure thing that relatives\society will talk about it. A better option would be to look for a job outside your current location and then move. Forget the new house construction if it is in the same city as the chances for your in-laws to stay with you are more then.
Your physical and mental health is at stake. No one other than you can stand up for you.

 

Shy girl,

Just a quick note to let you know you are not alone. Your in-laws are bullies and your husband is unable to stand up for himself or you or your children. He has no spine.

I would suggest that you stay strong with you decision to move out. Do it. Rent a house, get help, maid whatever find a day care for your baby and set up your household.

This is essential for your and your child's well-being.
If your husband follows you into your new household - Welcome him. Don't bring up the incidents of last few days. Create a happy environment that is what will keep him with you. Once he starts enjoying his peaceful life with you he will learn to ignore his parents tantrums and hopefully grow the much needed spine.

That will be the best reply to your in laws.

Also don't involve your parents much in your new household untill you are somewhat settled. This is important to isolate them from the insults from in-laws and also will compel your husband to consider his childish behaviour.

I wish you all the happiness and peace
Mani75

 

Dear OP, normally if couple go separate from parents in the same city, citing the reasons which you had, normally separation ends up in a bitter fight and with claims that dont see my face ever again....
dont worry, when heat will be cooled all will be right....
from your post it looks like your husband also want to move out but feeling guilty for his parents....he is not liking upsetting them, fair enough, every child will feel so....you should have come this far, so have some more patience, be little more brave and console your husband...
tell him that his parents are angry with him just in moment of heat. they will soon be fine with him after all he is their son. Now when you have taken a decision so you should stick to that.
you try to forget whatever happened till now, focus on building your new life....
enjoy your new home and baby....best of luck.

 

Your problem is not your in laws, but your husband.
You are married to him. For the courtesy, you tried to live with his parents despite of all the problems. He knows the problems, and faces the consequences.
He knows that the problems are affecting your health. So, he has agreed, rather promised to keep you out of these problems by moving out.
Now that he is not keeping up his words.

No in laws would allow their son to leave the house amicably. They will create problems, because they are answerable to their neighbors and relatives on this.
But that is their problem. If they are so much worried about their society, they should have been careful about keeping you safe and happy at their place.
Their reckless behavior shows that they care nothing about what others are thinking about them.
Nevertheless, they are cunning anyways, so they will try their best to take your H on a guilt trip to avoid this.

The problem is that your H is coming out as a spineless, kiddish man.
He must have anticipated all the drama the moment he promised to take you out of this hell for a reason.
He must have prepared himself to face this drama when it happens.
He had time and it was not a sudden decision or reaction.
He can't make you a prey for his parents' poor taste. He must take responsibilities of you and your health, because you are not just his wife, but a mom to his kid.

Never mind, it is very rare that men take initiatives to save their wives against all the social favors they enjoy.
The love, care and lavish life style with parents in addition to the social pride of taking care of the parents is what your H too wants, it seems. He is not ready to feel guilt or face the society while facing all the other responsibilities of a family man after moving out.

But you can't keep on suffering, and eventually loosing your mind, love and everything in life as a result.
Just be the change.
Stop depending on your H. Be financially independent, if you are not already.
Try for a job in a place where your new house is located. Even, if that is not the case, get a job for a safe side.
Inform your H that you can't continue to stay in this hell for this and that reason. Don't give him or your in laws any vague reasons as before.
Pack your bags, and move out.
Get helps. If possible, ask your mom to stay with you for a while to take care of your baby while you are out for work.
Train a nanny while your mom could supervise her. Then eventually leave your kid with the nanny or a dependable day care center.
Get domestic helps to run the house.
Mingle with new friends and neighbors, and have your own social circle.
Invite your H to join you and start a new life all over again. Tell him that you need him and miss him in the new place.
Leave the rest up to his choice.

If he chose to be with his immediate family, good for him.
If not, let his fate decide.

Most probably your H and any H would want to live with their immediate family only (wife and Kid), because their heart understands the problem and circumstance.
If he comes to join you against all the odds, welcome him wholeheartedly. Give him extra love, so that he will overcome the guilt with ease.

Your in laws will come around in no time. Things will fall in the right place in the right time.
After a few years, you all will forget this dark times, but enjoy your own boundaries with respect.

 

Why were you sugarcoating the reason for separation?
You should have told them that they fight like animals and you do not want to raise your child in such a place.

Now just ask that husband to move out and set up home with you.
Let them not stay in touch. You don't stay in touch too.Good for you.Don't give any importance.Don't have relations for a few years.When they realize that it is not effecting you all...they will only try to get closer.

 

I thought for a minute that its my some old post.Its my story.
You did the right thing by leaving house when they were disrespecting you.
I always curse myself for not doing the same when it happened to me multiple times.It only gave them more and more power and husband also convinced me every time and took me for granted.Till today i feel i should have left at least for a couple of days.They should be answerable to my parents,their relatives,neighbors for their behavior.They should feel embarrassment for not respecting their DIL. especially husband.He should feel the fear of losing you if he is watching you getting disrespected and not taking appropriate action to stop this.
When it comes to choosing his parents ego and your respect he chose his parents ego.Let people question him.You also try to stand on your own feet.Just stay away at least for a couple of days for your sanity too.
My husband always convinced me to save his family's respect and not tell anyone.I did not.Till today he is not ready to accept his parents misbehavior.I feel so bad on myself that why i did not create a scene and kept enduring all the nuisance to me.I should have called the police or my parents and relatives.
These kind of people who have no control over their behavior ,generally have a bad reputation in relatives and neighbors.People also start asking all kind of questions.
Not for them but for yourself please find a job.even if it is a small job.Have full control your life and your new household.Make good relations with people around.Get involved in kids life,school etc.Make yourself indispensable.
I did the same after separating from in laws.Now i have a good relation with my husband.My kids are doing great and we love each other.My in laws try to make good relations with me..talk to me sweetly.I try to keep distance as much as i can.I also talk to them nicely but not trust them even a bit.I know the moment they feel i am weak same thing will repeat.

 

Adults should live separate. You and his should move out. Let society and "others" say what they want.dont care. You have to call home a place where you can find peace.