1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

In-laws Visiting Us And Who Pays For It?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rabbitcurry15, Nov 8, 2016.

  1. rabbitcurry15

    rabbitcurry15 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey ladies!

    I was just wondering, how often your in-laws visit US and who pays for their air tickets. Mine come to visit every 2 years and we have to pay for their tickets. They have come around 3 times so far. They want to come again and I was telling my husband that they have already come for 3 times and we would not be to pay for their air tickets again. Moreover when they come, they would ask us to take them to many tours and make us spend a lot. I was wondering if this happens at everyones house or it just happens at my house.. How do I go about handling this issue? How do I tell my husband? Thanks for helping out guys!
     
    Loading...

  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,561
    Likes Received:
    1,696
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Op. It happens in many homes. My advice is Even if they are coming , you can reduce the number of sight seeing u take them to if it is expensive. Make them spend good time with u and ur husband at home itself , can put movies for them in internet., they can go for different classes near by, walking near by.
     
    meravi likes this.
  3. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    2,342
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Every six months and Dh pays for the tickets
     
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,160
    Likes Received:
    5,507
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Does your DH enjoy their visits? Do you work? Pick your battles wisely.
     
    guesshoo likes this.
  5. rabbitcurry15

    rabbitcurry15 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks for the comment :) the thing is they literally ask us to bring them to places and my Dh does not know how to say no. When I tell him later that this is getting to expensive, he says I have already told them..I cannot tell them NO now. Also he does not discuss with me before agreeing with something which totally irritates me..
     
  6. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    273
    Likes Received:
    313
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    We pay for our Inlaws visit and my parents visit too.

    Yes, it does get expensive, but I think its better for them to visit us for as long as they can as we cant make frequent trips to India and even if we do, we cannot go for more than 3-4 weeks.

    I would suggest you to set aside some money for their visits, let them know of they ask for something that is not within that budget.
     
    sbonigala, aspha and KashmirFlower like this.
  7. aspha

    aspha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    283
    Likes Received:
    342
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Female
    Almost every year until now. They themselves pay for their air fare. But once here we bear all the expenses. Now that we have filed for their GC things will be different henceforth.
     
  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    665
    Likes Received:
    796
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I mean they are parents...you can atleast do so much for them.
    They might have sacrificed soo many things for kids and when its their turn to live a little...its not fair to restrict them. anyways, going by their age, they cant travel much after few years.

    If money is such a huge problem for you, you should tell them upfront.

    what is this thing bothering you? Is ur H indifferent towards your parents visit? ur rapport with inlaws is bad?
     
    Rise, zingy, sbonigala and 2 others like this.
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    1,630
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Aging parents cannot travel at all times. Enjoy their company while you still can.
    Given their age and experience if you explain to them that you need to cancel the pre-planned trips, am sure they would understand. If not also, if the financial issue is real show stopper, then you should remember you cant keep them happy and then save on money too.

    As for us, we pay for their air fare and all the sight seeing here.
    DH also gives some money to in-laws every month(while they are here with us or in India) so that they have cash on hand when we go shopping and they don't need to hesitate to buy things they like to buy.
    I find it sensible because at their age, they might want something that they are hesitant to ask their grown up son in front of DIL. Having some money on hand for them to spend at their will helps.
     
    APS45 and SunPa like this.
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,434
    Likes Received:
    10,565
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Who is the income earner in your family? Is it you or your husband.
    If that is just your husband alone, he should probably have an idea about the financial struggle (if any) your family is currently facing. As an adult, she should be able to foresee any expenses, or saving requirements or rainy days like loosing jobs etc with regard to financial matters. If not you can slowly make him aware of these things in general.

    If both of you are equally contributing to the financial matters of the family, sit with him for an open discussion to make a budget of how and how often you guys could spend for extended families. Not necessarily in laws, but you could bring your parents too.

    The point is, your in laws are your husband's parents.
    He may wish to support his parents financially since he may understand the financial struggle they have faced while he grew up. This may be his passion to make others, specially his parents happy. This gives a satisfaction and a level of fulfillment specially when they are happy.
    The most happiest thing on earth is to see your old parent happy, and know that you are the reason behind their happiness.
    Let him enjoy this if he can.
    You can always earn money and full fill your dreams, since you have the opportunity.

    If you wish to bring your parents too, and also you have these wish at the bottom of your heart, inform your H about it, and work towards it.
     
    sshilpa200 likes this.

Share This Page