In Laws Treating Husband Really Bad And They Want Us Back Now

BeautifulSmile · Jul 22, 2024

As I said in my subject in laws treating husband really bad and they want us to India back now to take care of them. My elder now is now 10th grader and 2 years ago we made her aware we are going back to take care of grand parents. Until after serious events we came to know that pushed my daughter into serious depression and have gone through a lot. for her we need to get GC, and leave the country with younger one who is 5th grader now. We should be able to get GC in next 2 years for sure but until elder completes high school we decided to be here. Now in laws are super upset and emotionally torturing which I cant even type everything. They are portraying us so bad every where, irrespective of everything we are doing except physically we are not there. We also decided after one year once I am back to US from other foreign country, he will leave and go take care of them. They are not approving that either, they want entire family to move there. I am so very sorry for my husband, he is stuck between daughter and parents. I am trying everything but these people, I cant imagine living them. They dont deserve a person like my and my husband, I am sorry for this rude statement but I mean it. We sneeze, cough whatever its our mistake. they judge everything. We just move, they talk in the back whispering. Sure please do talk, but dont let us know you do that. But I dont know what their age thought them. They do 3 hours pooja every day, what is that spiritual knowledge teaching them. One day I will be old person like them, I dont know how I can be a old good mom but for sure I know how I shouldn't be.

MalStrom · Jul 23, 2024

Do they have genuine health issues?

lavani · Jul 23, 2024

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

As I said in my subject in laws treating husband really bad and they want us to India back now to take care of them. My elder now is now 10th grader and 2 years ago we made her aware we are going back to take care of grand parents. Until after serious events we came to know that pushed my daughter into serious depression and have gone through a lot. for her we need to get GC, and leave the country with younger one who is 5th grader now. We should be able to get GC in next 2 years for sure but until elder completes high school we decided to be here. Now in laws are super upset and emotionally torturing which I cant even type everything. They are portraying us so bad every where, irrespective of everything we are doing except physically we are not there. We also decided after one year once I am back to US from other foreign country, he will leave and go take care of them. They are not approving that either, they want entire family to move there. I am so very sorry for my husband, he is stuck between daughter and parents. I am trying everything but these people, I cant imagine living them. They dont deserve a person like my and my husband, I am sorry for this rude statement but I mean it. We sneeze, cough whatever its our mistake. they judge everything. We just move, they talk in the back whispering. Sure please do talk, but dont let us know you do that. But I dont know what their age thought them. They do 3 hours pooja every day, what is that spiritual knowledge teaching them. One day I will be old person like them, I dont know how I can be a old good mom but for sure I know how I shouldn't be.
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what is wrong in elders staying here.
Ananya's Nana Nani

also please do not let go of GC. my Dh almost every day says we should be thankfull to our elders and gods , that we got gc. now dd future alteast is not going to be harmed due to visa non sense. your spouse first priority is your child who went in depression. if your in laws have serious medical issues, it is a different thing. but just minor age issues can be taken care of with help . only money will be spent.

yes this sounds selfish. but this is not 80s . both elders and youngers should compromise. it cannot be 1 ways.

i remember reading your previous post. they have a daughter. why can't they take care by taking turns and your dh. do not take any rash or fast decisions of leaving or relocation.

Rihana · Jul 23, 2024

Based on experience, I often advise parents, especially moms, to focus on their children during the last two years of high school and the first year or two of college. Prioritize your child and minimize distractions. Have sorted out or set aside other issues like India family matters, husband-wife drama, job & career concerns, house remodeling or upgrade. Simplify life by concentrating on essentials: maintaining a stable job, cooking, exercising, and engaging with your child. Reducing avoidable stress allows you to provide the support and attention your child needs.

You can try to treat your in-laws like a radio station - is on 24x7 but to be muted, ignored often. If you are stressed out due to them, it will impact your parenting. Try to consider their care as your husband's responsibility, and you support him. I know it feels bad to see him in this situation, but your primary responsibility is to your children. You can support him by listening to him once or twice a week, instead of being part of his parents' drama all the time.

Your in-laws bad-mouthing you both to everyone - try to worry less about this. People like your in-laws would have ticked off all their relatives too. If and when you or your husband ever tell your side of the story, people will understand. And if they don't understand, so be it.

This kind of "all of you move to India, move now, move right now, both husband and wife move" demands are very common. Maybe old age makes them irrational in their demands. Whatever. You have to do what is best for your family, especially children, and support your husband emotionally. Ideally, you should distance yourself a little from this problem, it is your husband's problem. Let him deal with it, you focus on your children. As it is, your older one has been through a lot.

If you are mentally spread too thin, your intuition will be less powerful. Many of children's issues we first become aware by intuition. If you are occupied with India drama, you will miss signs of issues related to child that need attention.

BeautifulSmile · Jul 23, 2024

MalStrom said: ↑

Do they have genuine health issues?
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I dont know @MalStrom . They seem fine just age related issues. But they claim them almost like bed ridden but not close to what they say. But I have sympathy, as they are getting old. Here I am taking 85% of their stuff and giving them full rest. Thats the only thing I feel missing from my end by being not there physically.

BeautifulSmile · Jul 23, 2024

Thank you @lavani & @Rihana I feel little better for thinking for my kids over them. Yes @Rihana I am spreading too thin that last night my younger one said mommy you are making me sleep after such a long time. Which is true as I used to spend good time with kids during their bed time, but now a days I am lost because of many things. I have left with 8 days to stay with my kids, I am not going to ruin that. I will best utilize these days. Again I need to wait for 1 year to hug them.

BeautifulSmile · Jul 23, 2024

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

I dont know @MalStrom . They seem fine just age related issues. But they claim them almost like bed ridden but not close to what they say. But I have sympathy, as they are getting old. Here I am taking 85% of their stuff and giving them full rest. Thats the only thing I feel missing from my end by being not there physically.
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Also,if their monthly diabetic reports are elevated they show it on us. Recently we did full blood work for both of them in here and also last month. Dont know why numbers little elevated from last month, and immediately they started throwing tantrums at us saying look how bad our numbers and they behave mean. I never understand what should we do with that. More than them we freak-out a lot.

MalStrom · Jul 23, 2024

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

I dont know @MalStrom . They seem fine just age related issues. But they claim them almost like bed ridden but not close to what they say. But I have sympathy, as they are getting old. Here I am taking 85% of their stuff and giving them full rest. Thats the only thing I feel missing from my end by being not there physically.
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Don’t fall for guilt trips. Arrange services for them in India. Don’t spoil your children’s future.

MalStrom · Jul 23, 2024

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

Also,if their monthly diabetic reports are elevated they show it on us. Recently we did full blood work for both of them in here and also last month. Dont know why numbers little elevated from last month, and immediately they started throwing tantrums at us saying look how bad our numbers and they behave mean. I never understand what should we do with that. More than them we freak-out a lot.
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They are being emotionally manipulative. Your children are at a very important stage in their lives where stability is paramount. As @lavani said don’t throw away the chance of green card. This will affect generations of your future family. In any city or even town in India you can hire a lot of help for older people, and they will even come to your house to take tests, collect blood samples, deliver medicines etc. My mom even had a mobile X-Ray done at home once. One of my relatives has 24/7 nursing care with attendants in shift system. Just tell them this is how it will be. Diabetes is a common and easily managed condition.

prettywoman2 · Jul 23, 2024

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

Also,if their monthly diabetic reports are elevated they show it on us. Recently we did full blood work for both of them in here and also last month. Dont know why numbers little elevated from last month, and immediately they started throwing tantrums at us saying look how bad our numbers and they behave mean. I never understand what should we do with that. More than them we freak-out a lot.
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Please don't fall for the guilt trips. As everyone mentioned above, your kids (especially your older one) is at a very crucial stage of school and disrupting her studies will be detrimental for her future.
Also, make sure to get your GC since you are this close. This is about your and your family's future.
You and your husband need to develop a thick skin and not get impacted by their tantrums. They are being selfish and adding unnecessary stress in your lives.