1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

In Law's tradtions

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by jooti, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. jooti

    jooti New IL'ite

    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    HI ladies, i have a question, anyone have a mil that says to you (DIL) "you are taking over my place in this family, i want you to learn evrything from me, all tradtions etc.etc. "? my il's do so many things differnet than how i grew up. do you carry on all these tradtions? :bang or when il's are gone, will you do what you want?? usually i do it their way while they are visiting me , once they go back home i do things my way. what do you all do?? would yourather do things hwo you grew up, or forget everything and blindly follow il's??? thanks
     
    Loading...

  2. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    63
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female

    Hi Jooti,
    When your MIL says that you are taking over my place, she really means it. When it comes to family traditions and family culture, I would suggest you to follow the same as your MIL teaches you, because that is followed in the family for a very long time. You need to be careful enough not to forget them, better write them down if you feel you could forget. But regarding cooking, housekeeping you neednot act even when they are around you could do it accordingly. But do it as per their taste, they will definitely apreciate. Your husband would have noted his family traditions, though he might not tell you he will definitely appreciate if you follow his mother.

    As for me I personally follow my inlaws tradition and following them gives me a satisfaction of obeying and indirectly satisfying my husband too.
     
  3. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,248
    Likes Received:
    718
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't think following any tradition blindly is right.

    Follow only those traditions that you are comfortable with - be it in-laws side or your parents side. You are the one who has to live with it life long.

    My in-laws side sit and pray for 4 hours a day and observe fasting at least once a week and on every festival...make 5-10 different dishes on all the little and big festivals. They are strict vegetarians, extremely conservative and very caste and religion conscious.

    I was brought up in a relatively liberal atmosphere. I believe in praying but in my own way because for me communication with God should be in way that I believe in and have faith in.

    Living alone in US with no servants and maids, with a small child, working and managing household at the same time is itself such a herculean task, that when my MIL berates me for not keeping the Karva chauth/ teej fast (even during my pregnancy) or for not making 5 different sweets on a festival (which falls on a weekday in US and is a working day for us), I just hand over the phone to my hubby for him to deal with it. I did a lot for the first 4 years of my marriage, but my MIL was never satisfied. But after I got pregnant and discovered that she wanted me to fast even at the cost of my health and that of my baby's, I decided, enough is enough and I'm no longer going to obey what she says blindly. If I find merit in what she wants us to do, then I will do it, otherwise not.

    Ritualistic traditions cannot be more important than a human being, can they? If it is creating bad blood and making your DIL uncomfortable and annoyed, what is the use of such a tradition?

    And hey, my hubby still loves me and thinks the world of me. His love hasnt lessened because I do not follow a dozen of his mom's customs...:)

    Just my 2 cents.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. sonu1973

    sonu1973 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi

    I believe u should only do somthing if u beleive in it...My inlaws have never ever told me how they do things in their caste and just expect me to do it...and then give me indirect comments like oh in ours we do this i dont know how u do it in urs as if i am an untoucable...feel like telling them that i come from a higher caste then u...
    Then they expect us not to eat meat in navratri and some other days but whats strange is that they eat non veg on diwali and on my sons naming ceremony they wanted chicken....really strange...so u know what i do now..they dont tell me what to do so i do and bring up my son my way and what i have been taught.
    As long as in ur heart you know what u are doing is right then just do it.
    And to be honest in which gita is it written that u have to do things this and that way..most of the traditions have been passed on from generations so god knows if its even right or wrong.
    Do what u feel is right.

    :-o sonu
     
  5. svb

    svb New IL'ite

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Rajmiarun,

    I find your post making me very rebellious...OK I don't know in what sense you are saying...But first and foremost the tradition and cultures are an ever changing stuff ... India is a melting pot of culture....(Imagine if we still followed wearing saree with no blouse while cooking food, which was prevalent in old times... there are many more) What your elders follows should not be a rule which you have to follow that too to make our hubby happy...LOL...
    If your hubby is sensible and truly educated not pseudo educated he will understand that only traditions and rules that apply with new times should be followed.
    Can u answer me this question...Will your hubby follow and obey a tradition which your parents follow so that you feel happy.... ????
    It is pretty nonsense that you obey everybody even if you are not comfortable.Sacrifice your logical thinking to some nonsense rules just to make the world happy and yourself miserable.... Funny
     
  6. vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    425
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    SVB ,

    I get your point but you are being way too judgemental about rajmiarun.
    To each their own. If she feels comfortable following her ILs customs and sacrifice her beliefs in turn, it is HER CALL. She has the right to choose her ILs ways of living over hers for whatever reasons - may be she likes it, she feels one in the family or it could be to simply satisfy her husband and ILs.

    As for me, I just follow rituals and customs if I deem them fit and I enjoy them irrespective of whether my ILs or my parents do it.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2010
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,087
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    True +1 for me :)..
    Also my DHs side was a non follower of any customs but cooking xtra meals on special days for a bigger apetite.. thats it.

    When she sees me following any of my mom's side customs she feels intimidated & starts finding faults or taunts even if am quietly doing things with no effect on their daily routine.......... & makes up stories that she used to do things very very religiously until she married off her son :rotfl.
     
  8. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,503
    Likes Received:
    302
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    my mil is lucky enough she dint have her in laws alive when she got married so my pils spent their own life and all rules at my in laws place are just from my mil...usually they say we inherit traidions and culture from father but in my laws house its not true..
    i dont belive in following anything and everything blindly yes i agree to certain extent but not when they say if i am in their territory i have to ..tsk
     
  9. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    96
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Lavi,

    I really felt sad reading the boldened sentences above. Is the DIL lucky if her husband's parents are dead before he gets married? I have a son and I hope that my DIL does not think in this manner!!

    Secondly, why should we not follow any of our mothers' traditions? Tomorrow, when you have your child, would it not please you if s/he followed your traditions and not just your husband's? So why should any tradition be unacceptable just because it is from MIL's family and not FIL's?

    JMO.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2010
  10. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,503
    Likes Received:
    302
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    rather i could have posted my mil dint have any problems with her mil like i have so in one way she is lucky
    sorry may be the way i wrote hurted your feelings but like i said i wanted to convey something else

    now yes i totally agree we can follow any good tradition from both the sides
    but my mil says what she says is right and what my parents or my side people including me say is wrong
    for the matter she dont belive in following rituals and customs my fils side people do
     

Share This Page