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In-law's reaction to the language you choose to speak with your child

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by priyasworld, Jun 18, 2009.

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  1. priyasworld

    priyasworld New IL'ite

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    My mother-tongue is Tamil and my husband's is Marathi.
    We have a 5 month old daughter. It was our mutual decision that we would speak to our DD in our respective languages.
    We have a couple of friends who did that and their children are well-versed in both the parent's languages..

    My MIL initially did not take this very well.. she was offended and did not quite agree that I would talk to my daughter in Tamil.. my DH just told her this was our decision and there is nothing wrong if she learns one more language.
    She did not say anything then but I do get to hear taunts now and then..
    When I say something in Tamil.. she will tell my FIL..
    "our grand-daughter wont be able to communicate with us..god knows what andu pandu she talks.. we wont understand even when she is talking bad about us or making fun of us"..
    All this when 3 members of the family (my DH, FIL and MIL) will be talking to her in Marathi..
    I used to feel very bad initially but now just laugh it off..

    Would love to hear experiences from other IL's..
     
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  2. mlk2009

    mlk2009 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Although me and dh are Tamilians, I like to talk to my DS in English so that one parent can teach our mother tongue and other can teach the universal Language which will surely be useful to him in a long run.
    My inlaws hate this. They keep insisting that i should talk only in tamil to my son and shouldnt talk in english. This totally annoys me and i have politely told them "If he learns tamil he can excel in Tamilnadu, if he learns english, he can excel in so many different countries" and now they have stopped their taunts.
     
  3. ValuableTime

    ValuableTime Senior IL'ite

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    Mlk,
    It was funny reading your post.
    I had seen some ppl who react awkwardly when a parent talk to their child in English. When I say ppl, I mean, strangers. However, as per your situation, when it happens with IL's, it must be even more funnier. OMG!! :rotfl
     
  4. tiyamommy

    tiyamommy New IL'ite

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    Me too faced it... But i hardly care for any taunts n comments regarding it..

    My mother tongue is kannada and my Dh speaks marathi.. It's only MIL n her relatives who have issues abt me speaking to my daughter in kannada..Funny thing is , my FIL n extended IL's all speak kannada , n only coz my MIL `never made attempt to learn her husband's language and never taught her kids,my FIL and extended IL's talk to them in marathi but with me, it's kannada

    My MIL brain washes my DH to speak to DD only in marathi , ironically she doesnt mind if we speak to her in English :))
    And then my Dh tries to implement by fooling me to speak only in english to DD, but he'll end up speaking only marathi..

    Once my MIL cried infornt of my brother complaining abt me teaching kannada. Now when anybody comments abt my DD learning my mothertongue, i just say "my dd is learning her mother tongue just like her father did , and also she is following her Dadaji's(family) language".. that shuts thier mouth..

    I believe it's always good to know as many languages as possible, it helps coz i speak marathi too.. English neways she'll learn once she goes to school.

    cheers
    tiyamommy
     
  5. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    My mother-tongue is Telugu and my husband's is Tamil. I speak to our DS in Tamil and telugu, my DH speaks to him in Tamil. Our kid is 2 yrs old and now knows well that mom n dad speak different languages.. So he does the same, when he talks to my DH and his parents n siblings, he will spk in tamil and when it comes to me and my parents n family, he speaks in telugu..

    Sometimes, when my DS talks to my DH in Telugu, for fun sake my DH acts as if he doesnt understand and tells my DS to translate in Tamil saying 'P, Tamil pls' and DS does translate. similarly sometimes when my DH talks in Telugu casually (he understands fully and can manage talking a little) to DS, my DS says 'daddy, Tamil!' so my DH has to repeat in Tamil and only then DS responds ;-))

    When it comes to in-laws - Earlier I used to refrain from talking to DS in Telugu in front of everyone. But now, we talk in our respective languages as we realise that our DS understands and speaks both and doesnt get confused. Though my DH and his family understands Telugu, they insist to him that he speaks to them in Tamil and similarly my parents n others insist he speaks to them in Telugu. Me and my DH are fine with both languages. Poor thing - our DS so far has managed 2 languages very well.
     
  6. Maneesha

    Maneesha New IL'ite

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    The same is true with me Me and my husband have two different languages. I talk to my kid in my language and he sometime talks to him in my language and sometime his but his parents talk to my kids in their language and mu kids speaks both and i do not care what anyone else thing about it.

    My suggestion to you go ahead and teach him your language with out caring about inlaws reaction. Youdo not need any kind of validation from them about this. It is always good to know more language.

    Maneesha
     
  7. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    My son can fluently speak in Telugu (because of us), Kannada (because of kids around), rapidly gaining English (from school) and starting to understand Hindi too. Even though our MT is Telugu, he leans more towards Kannada (and I am not sure if he thinks in Telugu or Kannada which he speaks equally fluently).

    We don't think it is necessary for any of us to speak with him in English, explicitly, as he is into a lot of book reading in English and Telugu from since the time he began to hold things! We read him a lot of stories and we subscribe to weekly children's magazine and comics like Magic Pot, Shikari Shamboo, h and so on. My wife spends a lot of time in book shops to get the right books that will hold is attention.

    If I can communicate and write sufficiently well in English, he should also be - as all his medium of instruction at school will be in English. On the other hand, me and my wife both feel that he should get a good command on our mother tongue Telugu (or Kannada and Hindi), with all its nuances and thus should be able to develop interest in vernacular literature - it would definitely spice up his life. It would also help him to have stronger linguistic ties with rest of Indians.
     
  8. aspanishdiary

    aspanishdiary New IL'ite

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    What an interesting thread... I am glad to know about that people teach their kids different languages..I was starting to worry about how I will manage to teach 3 languages, but now I think it will be just fine, kids are amazing learners!
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Kids learn languages very easily. You can throw 3-4 languages at them and they'll just easily pick it up.

    A kid growing in US will anyway be fluent in English due to the school environment.

    Language is a non-issue really.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2010
  10. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Priyasworld, I was born to parents of different nationalities and my mum being English, the common language was English so I never had a chance to pick up any Indian language. I got along with my grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins etc fine and they all knew enough English to communicate to me. It was not practical for my dad to speak in a language other than English so me and my brother managed with English just fine with my dad's side relations. I don't recall my grandparents throwing a fit about it either LOL And out of everyone from my dad's side, they were probably the least fluent in English.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2010
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