In-laws possessive over son, ego battles..

OP, Whenever your H jokes about your son being taken away by IL-s, do not show that you get flustered by it..Reply with a smile "Oh...just let them try" or "Oh really!!" ...once your stop reacting he will stop joking..
Giving boiled water is actually recommended till at least 3 yrs with current rise of typhoid cases in children...inform that to your IL-s in middle of some conversation...

If you ever find out that MIL is doing something just to bother you, ask her face to face but calmly, what her intention is...Do this in front of your H if possible, so that later MIL cannot twist your words or spread around the word that you have 'insulted' her..Be polite but firm in your language...ask like "Have you given him unboiled water ? Don't you remember that I prefer to give him boiled water only ?"

But your cloud has a silver lining...you are not staying with them daily AND your parents stay with you...try to feel strong and positive about this...

 

what i feel is, these are nothing but ils' attempt to show that their right over their grandson is more than your right over him(even if he is your son). MY ils are also like this. I think he only way to handle this is

1)directly confronting her firmly but politely when you think she has done something you disapprove of. Even if she denies, you just act as if you have not heard her deny and calmly say 'please do not do it again. this may cause serious trouble or please ask me before giving him something as we may be on soem kind of routine you don't know about as you are not here constatntly'. In short, let her know that you are not taken by her denial, neither do you approve of her action.

2)completely ignore all her remarks about your parenting without giving any reply or even showing that you have heard them, if possible hum some tune...

3)Every time they say your son has got his colour from mil, you say that he has got eyes of your mom or nose of your dad. Repeat it every time they do it.

4)Cuddle your son, even more in-front of them, if they do not stop exchaning glances do the same when they cuddle with him. Make faces with rolling eyes and smile slyly but do not say anything.

In short give them the taste of their own medicine. Hope this helps.

 

I think they are just showering love on your son.
1..Any grand parent wants to give all those delicious snacks to kids. obviously all delicious things are not good for health. I remember my grandma giving me all that stuff and I can claim a happy relation with her. I would have hated her if she was health-freak like my mom. So, it was a breather once in a while.
2..They visit only once a month..so, chill..
3..Comparison..yes..it is irritating..But one party always wants to comment on another. If you were staying with your MIL, your mom would have commented about your kid and his health. Think about it. That is what is happening with me.

Just remember one thing...They don't hate their grandson and are not deliberately hurting his health.
Since you said that your PIL's are not educated, you please make a conscious decision(since you are educated) of not giving preserved stuff like instant noodles, ready to make soups, cheesy pizza, sweet chocolate, cola\soda, etc Can you do that?

 

next time your DH says 'They will take.. ' comment , tell him 'I rather send their own son back with them. My son stays with me '. I would give son more cuddles, more love more everything in front of them just to get their goat and rest is ignore ignore ignore..

 

i understand how frustrated u are.
just tell politely to ur pil that they had chance to raise their kids so let me raise my on my own way. thank u for your advise. tell this repeatly and in most polite way and hopefully they will stop their antics
discuss with ur husband too that u're not comfortable with ur pil's interference. how old is ur son now, maybe u can consider to send him to ur pil for few days once in a while?

 

dear just me your MIL is not staying with you,your mom is staying with you and that seems to bother your MIL.She feels insecure ,and she is afraid that she may lose her affection of her only grandson . Please understand her feelings and see it as a reaction of an insecure mother and treat it that way.Don't think she is trying to under estimate you.Your DH is taking it in the right way.

 

They are insecure.
Tell your husband not to joke about sending your child as you no longer find it funny.Say it firmly and move away.Don't let him turn it into a joke again.

 

isitjustme, It felt like i was reading my own story So i COMPLETEY understand what you feel.
My MIL still criticises me on my parenting. ( i have a DD 7 yrs and DS 2 yrs). When my DD was born - i went to stay with them for 2 weeks after a month of my delivery. She would nit pick on my cleaning her up, on my massaging the baby with oil. EVERY single thing. And the funny thing was she never did anything for her own kids - they were all brought up by my MIL's mom. Since I was working in chennai and had only 2 months of maternity leave, I had started the bottle feed for my DS when she was 1.5 months old. Oh - what all I have heard for that!
I left my DD at a day care when she was 6 months old. because my mom was working at that time and i DEFINITELY did not want my MIL to help me. I did not have a problem if she came to visit , but I told my H loud and clear that my DD will go to a daycare. Everyday she would call up and tell me 'oh poor Diya. You leave her with me, I will take care of her'. On top of it my BIL who is a pakka Momma's boy would also say 'Why cant you leave her with my mom and go'. I calmly replied ' I want her to be in a place that is not more than 30 minutes away from office. I went to a day care when my mom worked and I turned out to be just fine'. But the taunts never ended.
When my son was born, I had shifted to my hometown. My parents lived 5 minutes away. My mom took care of me thoough a difficult pregnancy and naturally she took charge of my son when he was born. The barrage of comments came again. My mom is in her sixties and i did not want her washing cloth diapers every hour. I decided to use the disposable diapers. Every single time my in-laws visit, they would comment on. My MIL would go one step further and remove it whenever she saw my son in it - saying 'let him walk free'. my BIL also chipped in with his comments. But 8 years of their taunts had made me real stronger . I responded with a smile or a strong 'its fine. I like it that way'. I still hear comments , I listen and dont respond.