In-laws - North vs South

Good or bad exists everywhere. I have heard of good as well as bad instances from both NI friends and SI friends.

 

Canwait, is there some stigma against SI's in India that I don't know about? Like, my inlaws family have lot of nasty things to say about SI's (they are ugly, backwards, primative, dark), and my mil (who was BORN SI Christian) claims she is 100% NI Gujurathi Hindu. If anyone says she is SI she will say they are lying. It is like she is ashamed to say she is SI. And after reading your post about SI's who live in north India trying to act better than everyone back home in the south, it makes me wonder if there is some perceived benefit of being NI? Is one considered better than the other?

This is so crazy, in my college here in US, all the Indian students are friends and there is no talk of this north/south/east/west stuff. And lot of Indians here get married to somebody from different communities. And I've never gotten the vibe from my friends that North is better than South or vice versa.

 

ASG

Though you have asked canwait, hope it's ok if I answer! Sadly, yes! There does seem to be this feeling of superiority in SIs brought up in the north that their counterparts down south are uncouth and not sophisticated enough.

I myself have been brought up in Chennai and Maharashtra and I remember this guy who was our neighbor and is South Indian. His parents were looking for a bride for him and as it normally goes in many Indian communities to use the "aunty networks" to spread word around of potential grooms and brides. So my mom was asked to suggest suitable girls for this guy and she suggested one of my cousins who was from Chennai, very well educated, musically talented etc etc...

Now this guy, being the adonis incarnate he is says that he doesn't want girls from South India because he finds their dressing not in good taste and he learns this lesson from news readers in Tamil channels who wear gaudy sarees while reading the news. And his mom goes on and on about how her son feels that girls in SI are generally dark, sweaty and speak English with a Tamil accent, are very narrow-minded and cannot communicate well! It seemed like the ultimate stereo-typing exercise.

That got me so charged up, I had a huge argument with him, promptly pointing out all the perceived negativities about North Indians and said that even if he wanted to, I will make sure my cousin rejects him outright :rant Obviously, after that we did not want anyone from our family or anyone we knew to get married to a jerk like that! He finally married a Maharashtrian and my cousin decided not to get married and went to a major B-School in the US, where she met her husband! (South Indian too).

 

Cantwait,

i completely agree with your observation. I am from chennai too and all the examples you have given are true with my IL's behavior. Likewise they want DIL from Chennai but both the son-in-law's family are orginally from chennai but born and brought up in North.

They also think if you have lived in chennai then by default you do not know hindi. Throughout school my second language was Hindi, but at home I still speak tamil. So my IL's family talk about me, in front of me in hindi since they think people from Chennai do not know Hindi. Once I figured they do that, to date I have never disclosed to them that I know Hindi. That way I can understand everything they talk about me and get their true nature.

One other thing I have observed is most of these people come back to SI after retirement. They even sell their properties in NI and then buy a new one in SI. Don't understand the logic.

Swaram

 

ASG,

Answer to your question - I am not sure if NI think bad about SI. It is mostly the SI who move to the north think they rule the world and look down upon other SI. Not all SI are dark complexioned. My Mil is dark complexioned and my FIL has lighter skin, they are both from SI. By just moving to north the skin color does not change for anybody. Its only their attitude that changes ( not in the good direction). Like cantwait had mentioned they always start off by saying these madras people ....

Swaram

 

I Agree with everyone here, it really depends on the person, how much of a control freak she is, all is in the mind girls, doesnt matter where you come from, how educated you are, what MIL follows with her own MIL. She might just use different standards with DIL.

I have seen many educated families living in big cities in North, who still choose to be orthodox and make their DIL sweat.

At the same time, i have seen my friends MIL, she is from a small city from south, come and stay in US for months, cook for the family, help raise kids with no complains, while MILs from bigger cities, are so used to the fast life, they get frustrated after coming to US, as they become dependant and vent the frustration out on the DIL and make her life hell.

 

Somebody just mentioned that in NI's post marriage the girls family does not have to give anything...that is a misconception...

actually at least in my community the girls family are supposed to send gifts on every holi, diwali and other festivals! Plus on the birth of a child the girl's parents have to send gifts for the boys family...including siblings! There r functions b4 the birth of the child where again gifts r expected.

I think it is the same story everywhere!The ladke walas r beggars NI or SI...