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In-laws - North vs South

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by RadiantCat, May 18, 2010.

  1. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I read in one of the posts that the North Indian in-laws are better. They treat the DILs much better and make them feel at home. Contrarily, the South Indian in-laws make them feel like an outsider and never accept them easily.

    How true is this? I do know some NI members here and they may not support the argument presented.
     
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  2. Anvitha

    Anvitha Moderator Staff Member Gold IL'ite

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    even I Observed the same. we used to have a NI colleague with us. when I heard that MIL will attend the delivery and will take care of kids, it is really stunning for me.

    in SI , MILs never come even on the delivery day.They peacefully comes when ever their other works are over.

    we both were carrying at the same time but the care she got from MIL is contrasting to mine actually. For them they will stay with the DIL for a month and give all the energisizing food like badam halwa (like sunniundalu in AP) etc and once the DIl is okay then only they will leave.

    in SI all that is to be done by mother or if possible we have to go to mother's home. Mother only has to take care of the kid

    by all these things , even i thought
    MILs in NI are far better than MILs in SI who always treats DILs as outsiders.
     
  3. Pavithra55

    Pavithra55 Gold IL'ite

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    hi. i dont agree at all. let they be south indian or north indian mil, it depends about the person personally. as far as i know i have not seen any south indian mil treating here dil badly. its my opinion but i dnt know about the rest. its just my suggestion.
     
  4. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Actually speaking most of the SI mils are behind customs, traditions etc and are not broad minded. I personally feel NI mils are broadminded and treat their DILs as one of their family members. SI mils treat their DILs as outsiders.
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I think it depends on the family. My inlaws are NI and we all know how the rest of the story goes.

    NI inlaws (at least from my observation) have little bit different criteria for the "perfect dil" than SI inlaws. Like, they have pretty specific criteria in regards to looks, such as must have "sharp features" and thin is in. Whereas I have seen SI brides on the chubby side without "sharp features" who are still considered beautiful and welcomed into the family. Maybe it's a regional thing? Like when my mil watches the soaps or filmi magazines, she will ooo and ahhh at the girls who looks gujju or rajasthani (you can imagine her titilation watching Jodha Akbar), but with the SI girls she will be like "Oh, not so pretty". My NI inlaws expect their dil to look like a bollywood heroine. Which I don't get.... considering the 'most beautiful woman in the world' (i.e. Aishwarya) is from the south!! :bonk

    Then again I had a SI friend who had lots of problems with her SI inlaws.... so..... looks like a lot of us are all in the same boat, with our SI/NI inlaws. I think, maybe SI and NI inlaws have little bit different criteria they look for in their dil.... but bottom line is all have long list of expectations, and if one expectation isn't met, hell can break lose.
     
  6. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    I think its more a person to person thing than a NI or SI thing. Though where a person is from can be a huge part of how they treat someone. My MIL, got her quirks but she's nice to me and her other DIL. My friend's mom, she's NI, she's great to my friend and me but her brother got married recently to a girl from India, and she is her now and is now 7 months pregnant. When my husband and I went over to her place, we felt so bad to see this girl, pregnant, with a big belly cooking dinner for us.
    I went to help her and her MIL (my friend's mother) got up behind me and told me, you are the "mehman" (guest).. I have been there a million times, and we went to visit this girl for the firs time and we, as guests should be talking to her and my friend and her mother should be serving. Poor girl, she even had her chooras (red and white bangles) on.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2010
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    That is sad. :frown:
     
  8. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Canwait,

    How are you?

    North or South, IL's are IL's end of the day. It's just a personal choice as how they behave and they all share similar genes (Just waiting for gene evolution to work, so that all these bad genes can be replaced).

    No matter how they look most of the MIL's would want their DIL to be Aishwarya. But who knows what Aishwarya's MIL wants? So Aishwarya or not, some kinds can never be satisfied no matter what.
     
  9. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah!! I have noticed the same thing. North Indian in-laws are obsessed about looks. They often have very high expectations about looks and are very particular about the bride being 'Fair' complexioned irrespective of how they or their son looks.

    It is fun reading those matrimonial ads in Sunday newspapers where they give their 'requirements' elaborately - " Wanted Tall, slim, very fair bride....".:). We are living in 2010 and many of these advertisers are well educated people from metro cities, but that obviously doesnt make a difference:crazy
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2010
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah, my mil is the WORST when it comes to appraising a girl's looks. She is so brutal. Especially noses (as weird as that sounds). My mil think pinnacle of girl's beauty is that she must have "very sharp features" and first part of that is nose must be very pointy. Hair must be very straight. Girl must be very thin. Actually my mil is not keen on having a "fair" dil because she likes to call herself "fair" and doesn't want to be outdone. One time we were going out to grocery shop, and when she stepped out of the bathroom, I literally had to stop myself from saying ":eek:mg:". She had literally put WHITE colored powder all over her face and it was just, crazy looking. Neck and arms were brown, but her face looked like somebody had rolled her in chalk. Fil said to her, "So, are you sure you are ready to go???" I wanted to help her because I didn't want people to laugh at her, but I knew if I said anything hell would break loose.

    So my mil likes "wheatish" dil, but dark is not acceptable. So who can walk my mil's fine line, God only knows. She calls my dh "VERY fair" too, and he WAS when he was a 2 year old baby never seeing the light of day. But now he spends all his time outside or by the pool, so he is obviously not fair!!! Fair in my mind is like, Nicole Kidman!!! What is even the point of this 'fair' thing when majority of Indians look Indian, not white! Why do we hate ourselves for this???

    We also used to get local Indian newspapers from the indian store and in the evening my mil would look at girl's in the pictures and tell me which ones were best suited for her son (my hubby!).

    I don't know if this is an extreme example of NI inlaws, or more the average, because I've only had 1 mil, so my opinions are limited to what I have seen with my own mil, and the surface things I've seen with other inlaws I know.

    I wonder why it seems to us that NI inlaws are more focused on looks than SI inlaws? Is it just different values in different regions maybe?
     

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