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In laws forcing to hire a maid of their choice from India

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by confusedwoman, Nov 15, 2015.

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Nov 15, 2015 #1
confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

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Dear IL,
You have stood by me during my toughest times. Lot of time has passed, my son is almost two now. I am pregnant again now 8 months. With lot of difficulty (husband sulkily saying no repeatedly and being peak season) kept whole battalion of MIL, her sisters and their children away this December.
Now plan is for the battalion to come in March .

Me and my husband ( upon my insistence) have repeatedly said no to Indian maid servant, however it's falling on deaf ears. MIL and FIl bring the topic up every time they call, which is everyday. My husband replies let's see when we need sometimes, sometimes says at a later time, sometimes says you start searching we will see.

There is no need to search, my in laws have a lady in mind already. Widowed, early 40's, grown up kids and basically a slave to FIl and MiL. Supposedly good looking and available to stay at least 10 years without returning back.

Besides the hassle of visa and sponsorship, expense , I will have to face hassle of everyday comparisons, statements of "now we feel
Like
Coming to your house ", " X has taken more care of us than your wife has", " X takes care of you, your kids and us", "let's send X for Diwali to her sons house", " let me take X to my sisters house as a gift for a month" etc etc.
" X is a better cook than your wife"
" as X is home why doesn't your wife do full
Time job?"

Not only I lose money but also lose peace of mind.

I am sending my son to day care and plan to do the same with my younger baby. I don't want this hassle, how to not fight with DH but stop this from happening. I have said assertively several times to husband and he in turn to his parents but the same thing repeats almost every week.

Latest my in laws are trying to force my parents to take this woman in their house and "teach" dishes which I like, so as to convince their son.My mom did not like it and said she doesn't want that woman in her house.

Thanks,

confusedwoman, Nov 15, 2015

confusedwoman, Nov 15, 2015

#1

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Nov 15, 2015 #2

Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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are they mad? Good looking woman in early 40s in YOUR house?? Living with you???

Seeiously mental ppl. Hire a local desi maid for a cppl of hours every day and tell your husband clearly that you abdolutely dont want this woman in your house.

I'd be furious if my inlaws tried to pull this one on me

Another reason why this carries big risks - if the maid gets greedy and takes Sangeeta Richards route, you will all be in BIG soup

Jas8085, Nov 15, 2015

Jas8085, Nov 15, 2015

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Nov 15, 2015 #3

CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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Having a live-in maid/nanny is really a big step and there are a lot of things you need to think of (visa, minimum salary requirements, lack of privacy etc). What is the background, do your PILs want to help this lady or what? Anyway, say no and thats it.

CrayoNess, Nov 15, 2015

CrayoNess, Nov 15, 2015

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Nov 15, 2015 #4

tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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Tell them you checked it out and that were denied/not meeting criteria by immigration. This is one route. Other route is both of you get tough (grow adult spines) and have it out with them once and for all. First route short term better, second route long term better.

tashidelek2002, Nov 15, 2015

tashidelek2002, Nov 15, 2015

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Nov 15, 2015 #5

MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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Under what immigration category is she planning to come? Unless you are a diplomat I don't think there is a legal way to bring domestic help to the US. Immigration will tell you to hire an American.
Are they planning to have her come on a tourist visa and overstay?
But the bigger point is that no one can really force you to do something against your will. Keep saying that you will hire your own help and no one else need concern themselves.
Lather, rinse, repeat as often as needed.

MalStrom, Nov 15, 2015

MalStrom, Nov 15, 2015

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Nov 16, 2015 #6

satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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MalStrom said: ↑

Under what immigration category is she planning to come? Unless you are a diplomat I don't think there is a legal way to bring domestic help to the US. Immigration will tell you to hire an American.
Are they planning to have her come on a tourist visa and overstay?
But the bigger point is that no one can really force you to do something against your will. Keep saying that you will hire your own help and no one else need concern themselves.
Lather, rinse, repeat as often as needed.
Click to expand...

Good points. Unless you give her an invitation and provide a letter of support for her visa application, there is no way they can force her on you. Obviously your husband also needs to stand firm on this matter and refuse the offer.

satchitananda, Nov 16, 2015

satchitananda, Nov 16, 2015

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Nov 18, 2015 #7

Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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Tell them your mom found a handsome widower servant guy who looks like Tom Cruise and You prefer that guy over this lady. Say this and watch them go mad. Say this to your husband too please.

Jas8085, Nov 18, 2015

Jas8085, Nov 18, 2015

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Nov 18, 2015 #8

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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Jas8085 said: ↑

Tell them your mom found a handsome widower servant guy who looks like Tom Cruise and You prefer that guy over this lady. Say this and watch them go mad. Say this to your husband too please.
Click to expand...

:rotfl
I would love to be the fly on the wall if this happens.

yellowmango, Nov 18, 2015

yellowmango, Nov 18, 2015

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Nov 18, 2015 #9

vidhurba Junior IL'ite

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Ask ur husband to explain to ur inlaws if something goes wrong here in USA worst case scenario u might end up in jail, my relative did some thing really bad here now they are in their 60s their life is screwed they can end up in jail.i don't want to say what they did

vidhurba, Nov 18, 2015

vidhurba, Nov 18, 2015

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Nov 19, 2015 #10

Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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@op

do hire a nanny or baby sitter for some time to close the topic from ur inlaws ..
i personally don't suggest to go for an attacking mode it increases ur problem bcoz u have already ur husband support don't loose it .. And not involve ur parents in this matter u n husband has to deal it with inlaws .. Your husband has to tell them it's all hassle to bring such maid n includes lots of troubles.. they should understand

Lakshmipav, Nov 19, 2015

Lakshmipav, Nov 19, 2015

#10

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