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In-law's are scaring me.. help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shilpa987, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. shilpa987

    shilpa987 New IL'ite

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    Hello,

    I have read many post's in this forum and I wanted someone to help me.. I have been married for almost two years and my In laws are treating me badly... that they are doing everything that I should leave them and my husband. I am currently living with my in-laws (Delhi).

    Can someone please suggest what I should do.. my father in law who approached my father for my hand for his son showed us that he was a god fearing person but since I have been married I have never seen such kind of puja's.. so much so that one day the maid stopped me having milk..telling me that my father in law mixed something in there. My father -in- law once put sand around my bed while i was out.. he recites odd mantras at odd hours... My Mother in law follows in his foot steps..and usually in the day all I see he doing is following me around the house and receipting mantra's.. im very very scared. Puja's at night with pundits wearing black clothes... My husband has stopped listening to me.. we don't even sleep in the same room anymore... when he comes near me my father in law makes a point he should leave me and join them... my father- in- law has made him wear 5 taweeze's. I never believed in the unknown sciences but looking at what they are doing is scaring me..

    what ever i do they are not happy with me and always pick out mistakes in my work.. i only saw this stuff in movies.. its driving me insane.. that at times i think twice if this was me or them.. I am very distrubed.. if i tell my parents they will come straight to my house and i know they wont let me stay a min here.. and i guess this is what they want. Please help me.

    If I try to tell my husband that I don't understand what is going on he refuses to listen..he even rejects that anything is happening..he denies that the event even happened... he does not like to listen to anything against his sister or father. Who do I talk too? I cant take there taunts every day. All they want I should leave and they could marry him off again. My father - in -law is very very greedy..and just to the world he portrays that he is a god fearing kind of a guy...

    If I leave to the market to purchase veg, my Father-in-law moves my photos around... when i am at home he blast's the music to an extent you cant listen to your own self. I cant take these games anymore... My husband loved me a lot after marriage, he would stand up for me and be very loving towards me, so much so we did not stay without each other for even an hour in the day... I love him so much, that he is everything to me.. I don't want lose him..Once my servant wanted to go to the police and tell them what they are doing to me but I stopped him in fear of losing my husband..

    I am shivering writing this to you as I don't know what to do.. I don't want to lose my husband but what do I do? they will drive me mad..

    The whole house is ran by my sister- in- laws instructions..who has told me that she will see to this marriage ending, so much so she bought a girl for my husband in the house. Even though when she goes back to her husband she calls and my in-laws don't speak me.. My husband makes nasty faces at me like I have done something wrong to her. Oh god, all she wants is to be a center of attention.. I don't want anything but a normal life.. I am longing for my husband to be normal again.. but day by day they are making things worse for me. I cry so badly at times that they actually have told me that I have a mental condition.. they keep saying bad things to my dad, keeping telling me that they marriage was cheap.. what did I bring with me.. I am very low, very sad and very very lonely. I miss my husband..even being in the same house.. i miss his warmth.. what are they doing to us.. is not right...

    I believe in god but does the kind of prayers they do, work? or are they trying to play with my mind? do these things exist? how do I talk to my husband?

    Can you please tell me what I should do?

    S
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2007
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  2. yamusarna

    yamusarna Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I sense a serious problem here.I dont beleive in jadoo tona and all, but still all this must be emotionally taxing for you.Be brave and start protesting.I understand that your husband means a lot to you, but I cant understand how can he not be supportive to you???
    Talk to him, show your protest about the things that are being done.
    Get your parents to visit you.Let them see all these things....
    Please act quickly...If your husband really loves you he will understand your point.Meet your husband in his office or somewhere outside. Talk to him,ask why he has changed?

    All the best,

    Regards,
    Yamuna.
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    You are sounding so panicked, that I am worried for you now.
    First of all, Calm down. Dont panic. Lets figure things out one by one.

    - So you said, you and your husband were having good married life until few months back? Apart from these weired pooja's , was there any other development between you and your husband?

    - I would suggest you to go out of the house for some time. Go to your parent's palce. Tell them everything. This is not normal thing. This sounds like insane believing. You cannot tackle it being alone in that mad house.

    - You have to be brave for some months. Your husband will realise your worth once he doesnot see you around.
    I dont believe in black magic and all. But one thing I know its all about hypnotizing someone's brain. To some extent these things may work also. Since Mind is complex matter and no one really knows how it gets affected. Why take chance with your well being.

    - I sense bigger problem than your husband not listening to you. I sense there is some madness going on in the house. Just refuse to come in thsi house even after your husband comes for reconciliation. Offer him to come back only if he stays separate from his family.

    - If your in-laws are greedy and want more money . Then you can never solve this issue by talking out. Get them on negotitating table with your parents. Involve your parents now. Its not good to keep them in dark. I sense your in-laws greed is driving them crazy. And i fear such greedy and insane peple can do anything with you. SO first things first. Forget about husband , marriage and all. Life is more precious than wasting on some stupid husband or greedy in-laws. SAVE YOURSELF FIRST. BE IN PLACE WHERE PEOPLE WANT YOU TO LIVE. LIVE IN YOUR PARENT"S HOUSE UNTIL YOUR HUSBAND COMES BACK TO DISCUSS THINGS.

    Once you get out of this place, You will be able to think better and more calm.
    Just dont try to solve this mess all by yourself. There are lot of things involved here , greed, Desire to break marriage, Stupid superstitions..Your are better off without such husband and such family.
     
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  4. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Shilpa,

    Your post is quite troubling....how is it possible that such ppl exist in this world that too in this day and this age?

    Firstly, u need to calm down. U need to think rationally. Pull yourself together.
    you mentioned your husband and you had a good relationship earlier. what happend to change that now? Y doesnt he listen to you now.

    secondly, you had mentioned tha tyour FIL asked for your hand in marriage, then, why would they plan to marrying him off again to some1 else? Something must have happened for them to have decided this? is it just greed?

    Thirdly, whatever they are doing, all this jantar mantar you need to just ignore it. try taking your mind off it. Focus on something else...what your neighbours are doing or catch up with your friends. the more you think about it, the more mad you will become. You should go out more often to meet friends.

    What is stopping you from going to your parents place for somet ime? you need to share what is happening at your palce with them. You need to confide in some close friends or neighbours too.

    If you notice your FIL following you, ask him why hes doing that...if hes put sand around your bed, ask him who did it and why...alert the neighbours to these unusual happenings....that will stop your SIL and FIL from doing funny things...

    Be strong and be confident...things will change soon...
     
  5. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpa,

    I would like you to suggest one thing. pl stay away these people for a while at your moms place. You have told your husband loved you before but now he has changed. When we women are near them they dont know our values. So give him some hard time by staying away. Get some job and concentrate on that. I hope your husband will come for you. So pl leave that house at once. Because reading your post made me scary. God will surely bring a change.


    Lakshmi
     
  6. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Shilpa,

    You have mentioned that the servant was going to the police station and you stopped him...so is the servant with the family since a long time...then talk to him/her and find out more about your in-laws...also speak to your neighbours and in-laws relatives with whom you get along try to probe more into what sort of people they are etc.

    If you get even one -ve feedback abou them then its high time you save yourself and move out...if your husband really cares for you then he will come back. A relation ship has to be 2 way and not a one way traffic.

    Roopa.
     
  7. shilpa987

    shilpa987 New IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone about talking to me and suggesting the course of action I should I take... When I got married within this family I realized on day one that they had lied about everything.. Neighbors and people in the market had warned me about the father being a fraud and im not the only girl they have played with...Which was heart breaking since I came from a very good background.

    I spoke to my mother today and I heard her cry and I cant help feeling as through someone has ripped my heart out of my body. It was the hardest thing for me..

    If I go he wont come for me.. and if I dont my father-in-law is doing everything too make me go crazy. If I leave I know my sister-in-law and father- in - law will wash my husbands mind to totally go against me.... Today, my husband hides and comes to me in front of them and he is warm, caring and tells me that im a good person but as soon as they come in the picture or walk through the door he starts to abuse me, he degrades me frequently of his friends and family.

    The hardest part of all this is that I was such a happy go likely kind of person, a live and today I feel as though im dead..

    My sister-in-law has a very bad complex problem and wants that her brother to be just her's which is ok to a point and I don't want to split them apart but there must be some barriers between a brother and a sister but there is nothing. I feel as though im a outsider and she is his wife which is very disgusting for me to say but this is the reality.. and she emotionally blackmails him - I have honestly seen this in movies.. honestly saying .... My auntie came the other day to see me and the whole family got together and showed me so much love in-front of her.. my mother - in-law even forced me to eat more chappties and asked me thrice if I wanted more curry and as soon as she left I was no one again. She does;nt even talk to me.. and when she does reminds me each time that this house is her husbands not mine.

    I have spoken to a very close friend of his and he went and told my husband to which my husband went mad at me and slapped me and told me that 'is his friend my husband that I needed to show fake tears to?'. who do i trust.. They never tell me where they are going, nor tell me what is happening until it happens.

    I have tired for children thinking this may bring my husband closer to me but each time we are intimate he pulls away and I feel so cheap that I cry.. Yes, I have called my mum and I will go out again tomorrow to ask when I can come home.. I know this will be the end of my relation as my father-in-law and sister-in- law don't want us together, they want him to be married to somewhere else.. for them my marriage is just a mockery..a way of making money by using women in this way.. It was just money they wanted.. just money..

    my husband is very weak when it comes to making a decision.. (I know him this much).. he is scared to stand up for me and stand up for the right knowing what wrong they are doing... He know's that what kind of puja's his father undertakes and he lets him.. and I swear I have never seen such stuff. Even though I don't believe in this stuff It has physiological effected me.. why are they praying to break my house? why don't think respect my marriage, I don't ask for anything. I don't go out, I don't depend on the servants and I cook clean with them. I don't neglect my husband and am always there for him.. am I doing something wrong? is it me? where will I go if he does not come for me? I don't have a career, i left it for him. He promised me that I was able to proceed with my education but it never happened..

    I dont even know how I am brining myself to write all this .. but I am very desperate for help. I wish I could pour my tears to this page.. I give up trying to please everyone.

    Shilpa
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2007
  8. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Shilpa

    Please,first move out of this house.

    If you are not the first girl whom these people have cheated,then surely this has been happening for sometime.Think through this point clearly.Even if your FIL wants to get your husband married to someone else,that is not possible because you are his legal wife.He has to divorce you first to get married again.

    If after getting out of this house,you get to know that they are trying to get your husband to remarry,file a police complaint.

    One of my relatives was thrown out of her inlaws place with her small baby.They asked her to go to her parent's house and refused to allow her to take her own clothes or jewellery even. She filed a police complaint and her inlaws were put behind bars! Now,they will think twice before harming her,because there is a black mark on them!

    Be brave,don't panic,it's good you don't have a baby to worry about.Just get out of this place immediately!
     
  9. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    I totally agree with Sunitha's suggestion.
    But one thing I am not understanding, why you are so hell bent on living with such crass family. Ther are not WORTH IT. PLEASE LEAVE THEM and move on. Life is not all that bad. If your husband is worth living with, he will miss you and come back to you. EVEN THEN YOU SHOULD NEVER LIVE WITH THIS KINDS OF FAMILY.

    what do you mean when you say, they have done this fraud previously too? Was your husband married before too? These are criminal people you are dealing with. your tears will not do anything here. So please WIPE them and stand for yourself.

    ANY Woman is as weak as she makes herself. Get back your career , become single for sometime and then decide what you want to do with this husband? I would seriously suggest to legally leave such a family. You are not realizing that for them you may be just another victim. What if they really do something to physically harm your life. Please dont think of parents , society and all that Blah blah.. Times are changing. I have seen couple of my frends remarrying to better guys and enjoying life. So dont think this as end of everything. GET OUT OF THIS. Your obedience and playing good wife cannt change criminal and greedy people.
    Leave them with their destiny. Pull your life together and restart everything.
     
  10. lovinglife

    lovinglife New IL'ite

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    PLEASE DO NOT BRING A BABY INTO THIS SITUATION!!!!

    Having a baby will not change anything and you should be thanking your stars and for once, your stupid husband for not getting you pregnant. A child is not a solution to a bad situation. You need to have a safe and secure environment before you can bring a child into this world. It's a huge responsibility to be a mother and you need to be safe, sane and strong to have a baby.

    My advise for you is to RUN from this house and never look back. You keep saying that you come from a good background......of course you do. The guy you got married to or the situation you are in is in no way a reflection of you. It is not your fault. **** happens in life and you cannot help it. Think of it as a bad dream and move on. You need to live life and be happy. It is better to be single and happy vs being in a bad marriage and live like dead!!
     

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