IN-LAWS and their expectations from a DIL

Oh Well...good for you Nikita. To each their own.

Am just glad the way I am and not forget my parents and leave behind their relationships for this new relationships I got into.

 

Dear Vidhkarthik,

Thanks for your understanding & post.

Just like you..Me too have not forgot my Mom...she was & is my best friend.

It is just that now I know.... I no more belong to her the way I used to be. We are more of friends now...supporting each other in every possible way.

 

Why is it that we women look at ourselves as things to be owned? Why do we have to belong to our birth family or marriage family? Why can't we belong to ourselves and maintain all the relationships we acquire throughout life?

We blame our inlaws for treating us like servants, but we ourselves are carrying around the attitude that we can be bought, traded, and owned! So is it any surprise that many of us are treated as sub-humans in our new homes? As long as we carry around this attitude that we are lifeless commodities, people will keep treating us as such.

To be frank, I'm just as great as my husband. He hasn't done me any favor by marrying me. Neither have his parents done anything special to own me. I'm a humanbeing, I don't have a price tag!! Unfortunately, lots of women take this kanyadan crap too literally, and it's allowing men and their parents to continue bloating up their egos.

If every new bride put her foot down and viewed herself as equal to the groom, and demanded that her parents be respected as much as her inlaws, our society would change. Even in Western culture in Christian weddings, the parents "give the bride away." But it's only a symbolic gesture of the bride starting a new life with her husband!! Nobody here actually cuts off communication with their parents and becomes the property of their inlaws after the wedding!!! So why is it many Indian women allow Kanyadan to be taken to the extreme?

 

nice tread. i guess my situation is there in almost all replies.
my M-I-L wanted me to be modern good looking and talented in front of others. in home i must be less than her daughter. but i must be energetic always to do the household works where as her daughter who is only 1 year younger to me is always tired and need rest.
even if some one praise my talents immediately she says my daughter also will do it. and she says that anyone can do such things. then when my dh ask her i will give you all the material you do and show me.
we must be like a mentally retared person who follows their instruction. no atority on our husband and the house.
its there in almost all houses
better ignore and live our life.

 

Hello Shakambari,

Nice thread. And I like your idea of a robodil too.

My mil's expectations- should come with lots of money .lots of patience,just listen to what she says,must be like her daughter but must not expect the treatment sive gives to her daughter,should get a heir to her family-only male-but she will not do anything for the baby-even feeding or changing a nappy-should have no influence over her husband-should not ask what he does with money, must be a slave and act as if it is a blessing to get her as a mil!

 

hahaha then i am so happy after coming here
that i felt before like only my life is like that becuase i was so depressed
now i am mature enough to understand this is not the end of world i can survive
yes my mil calculate the speed of my steps and say oh my ds is so smart she walsk so fast and comparisons go on extreme like physical assests like she got much more butt than urs oh my god first time i felt like earth is splitting down under my foot infornt of my husband now i dont get shocks wahtever she say.
she insists u must be pregnant only after 5 years and what not she dont have her orders.
i am wondering am a humanbeing with emotions
my grand mother is too old and she is always afriad as i am not their with her can she be able to see me before she dye and all
when ever i plan to go to my home she gets fits.
she dont want me to have emotions she will say this is the fate of every dil after marriage
where as everymorning she will call her daughter and ask her to come home she badly misses her and her mil dont have any problem she and her husband can be with my mil for days years no problem
but i cant be with my parents for sure her son will never be on wife's house
what hippocracy is in our soceity
indian culture is the best but not in this case

 

Here are my In-Laws expectations :

1. DIL should always respect elders and be submissive even if it is against her will.
If not, she is considered as an arrogant, educated, working woman, too proudly standing up for herself and her parents.

2. DIL should cook yummy yummy dishes within matter of minutes ! Not spend hours in the kitchen.

3. DIL should not be close to her parents or siblings, should not have her family photos in the house.

Must keep only In-laws photos on walls and DIL parents pics can hide somewhere in closet. This I learnt recently when MIL said "Some people keep their family so close to their heart and here my son (DH) does'nt bother to ask for my updated pictures !

4. DIL is like daughter but has to go through different set of rules while their own daughter has special rules.

5. DIL should always pretend in front of relatives as if we are one big happy family, even if there are 1000 things going on inside.

6. DIL must always make MIL proud like dress drop dead gorgeous and all relatives must feel "What a lucky MIL she is". Must always look slim, fair, tall and dress in heavy designer sarees even if it is snowing outside.

List goes on and on.